Wonderful new man met online but. . .

[Idontseeit]

We are both going through nasty divorces. ExH and I never got along after the birth of our second child 6 years ago. We are moving on. I joined 1 dating website 6 months ago and spoke to new guy. I then realised it was too soon so wrote to him telling him I wasn’t up for it.

Fast forward to 2 months ago, I wrote to him & we met, got along brilliantly, have had an amazing time together 😁. He was the only date I went on. I’m 45 with a 9 & 6 year old so was naturally apprehensive. But he is so attentive, kind & considerate I thought fuck it and enjoy. I hadn’t had sex for 5 years and the sex is out of this world 😊

So he was in a relationship with his wife for 24 years, has 2 DDs age 18. Sadly he had an affair that ended the marriage. I’ve since found out about his high maintenance, materialistic, manipulative ex Wife but let’s not go there...

My problem is that this is the first time his daughters have had a blip in their lives. The exW got a boyfriend 2 weeks after they split up a year ago. They are accepting of this. Now dad has a relationship, they are not so cool about it. For example, they came back from university & knew we were in a relationship. We went out to his local pub and his DD rocked up and caused a scene accusing him of not answering his phone to her. Said things like ‘ I know what your priorities are’. Then later we were in bed and she stormed into his room screaming like a banshee saying ‘ you are having sex, how dare you, you don’t care about us, you are an alcoholic’. Blah blah.

Is she being a brat? Or does she have a point? I can truthfully say he is one of the kindest men I’ve ever known. Trust me after the abuse I’ve put up with I’m after lovely now.

Where do I go from here?

I’ve since found out about his high maintenance, materialistic, manipulative ex Wife but let’s not go there...

How does your ex describe you?

What’s the set up with his living situation if his daughter is walking in on you in bed?

As giving, caring, a loving mum but messed up because of my abusive upbringing. Why what is your point?.

He has never described her in that way. I asked away and came to my own conclusion about the ExW.

I’ve since found out about his high maintenance, materialistic, manipulative ex Wife but let’s not go there...

Red flags are waving. You've only heard what he wants you to know. That doesn't mean it the truth. You DO know he's a cheat, and his own daughter called him an alcoholic. Never mind the scene she made at the pub. A daughter who loves and respects their dad would never do that. It would make me curious as to why she behaved this way.

I would tread carefully if I were you.

Like I said - he has NEVER said this about her. I came to my own conclusion on that.

He had an affair that ended the marriage and she's the high maintenance, manipulative one?

So she couldn’t have been a little jealous because her dad is with another woman? For the first time in his life?

Does what he did for the family over the years count for nothing? Just asking because I fail to see how 1 mistake over 25 years should define him??

So she couldn’t have been a little jealous because her dad is with another woman? For the first time in his life?**

Well it's not the first time in his life is it?

Well it’s not the first time is it because he had an affair.

The first time the daughters have had a blip ? Their dad was a cheated whose affair wrecked their family ?

Yes she was always manipulative with his money, got them in huge debt. She didn’t even food shop or clean the house. Never contributed the house renovations, he spent 6 years doing it all himself after his long work day!

I suppose those 25 years count for nothing because he made a mistake. Sad.

Is he an alcoholic?

Did he tell you that ?

You've known him for less than 6 months, they know him far better than you do. Everything you know about him, he has told you. You would do well to take it carefully and not jump to conclusions that he's amazing but has an awful ex and daughters.

Also, a second ago you were saying you're the first new woman in his life, did the mistress not count?

Sounds pretty messy. I would be wary of what he is saying of ex if he's the one that cheated.

Red flags here too. You may have drawn your own conclusions about the ex, but it’s based on his version of events - which seem to excuse him cheating?
And with the daughter too. I’d be rethinking this relationship and my own personal boundaries.

Older Kids from divorced parents don’t tend to take it well.

So have you met his ex? How do you know all this about her?

"My problem is that this is the first time his daughters have had a blip in their lives."

how can you possibly know that?

It must be incredibly difficult to have a parent dating someone new. Cut the girls some slack. Also, why are you believing everything he says about his ex?

For all his kids know, you could be the woman who he was having an affair with which fucked their lives up. I'd be pretty pissed off with finding you in his bed too if I were them.

Don’t you think the daughters reaction was over the top? That is what I’m asking. Or was it a normal reaction to their dad seeing someone new.

BTW, the affair women was only a 2 off.

He sounds like a saint

Yes he does. He is wonderful.

Sounds like he's minimising his shitty behaviour to you