Wonderful new man met online but. . .

[Idontseeit]

We are both going through nasty divorces. ExH and I never got along after the birth of our second child 6 years ago. We are moving on. I joined 1 dating website 6 months ago and spoke to new guy. I then realised it was too soon so wrote to him telling him I wasn’t up for it.

Fast forward to 2 months ago, I wrote to him & we met, got along brilliantly, have had an amazing time together 😁. He was the only date I went on. I’m 45 with a 9 & 6 year old so was naturally apprehensive. But he is so attentive, kind & considerate I thought fuck it and enjoy. I hadn’t had sex for 5 years and the sex is out of this world 😊

So he was in a relationship with his wife for 24 years, has 2 DDs age 18. Sadly he had an affair that ended the marriage. I’ve since found out about his high maintenance, materialistic, manipulative ex Wife but let’s not go there...

My problem is that this is the first time his daughters have had a blip in their lives. The exW got a boyfriend 2 weeks after they split up a year ago. They are accepting of this. Now dad has a relationship, they are not so cool about it. For example, they came back from university & knew we were in a relationship. We went out to his local pub and his DD rocked up and caused a scene accusing him of not answering his phone to her. Said things like ‘ I know what your priorities are’. Then later we were in bed and she stormed into his room screaming like a banshee saying ‘ you are having sex, how dare you, you don’t care about us, you are an alcoholic’. Blah blah.

Is she being a brat? Or does she have a point? I can truthfully say he is one of the kindest men I’ve ever known. Trust me after the abuse I’ve put up with I’m after lovely now.

Where do I go from here?

So if everything in the garden is so rosy, why are you posting? He has "horrid" daughters and exW, but you are mad about him, so what exactly is the problem? Get a bolt for the bedroom door and change your local if you must.

Please be careful.

This whole thread makes me lol. Your delusional and combative OP. Good luck!

You sound ridiculous. You don't know that he was a devoted father, or how he behaved during his marriage or anything about their family relationships. You've known him 5 minutes. You have young kids of your own to think about, you can't afford to just swallow everything a man tells you because the sex is great and you really like him. Grow up.

And yes, he could have left her but the DDs were going through exams for university - the most pivotal time of their lives

So instead he was selfless and kindly shagged someone else whilst married and living in the marital home.

What a Prince.

You are deluded OP.

You KNOW what he has told you. You choose to believe him because you so want it to be true.

Tread very carefully.

Can you at least acknowledge that you dont know him well enough to be sure about his ex or his relationship with his daughters or his drinking? You can be with someone for years but not really know their the truth about their past.

An affair isn't a "mistake". It's something you choose to do. I would be thinking very carefully about entering into a relationship with someone who makes those kinds of choices.

Also, after two months ... you know nothing. Only what he's told you.

You have been brain washed OP, wake up!! Dating sites are full of manipulative men like this!!

I would also be wary about his choice of ex. On some level he likes her type. He chose her, chose to marry her and have children with her. Maybe he’s a poor judge of character, maybe you are different. It’s just worth thinking about what your role to him is in this new relationship before slagging her off.

He had an affair that ended the marriage and she's the high maintenance, manipulative one?

Well you know, being treated like shit by a partner has been known to lead people to look elsewhere.

She may well be manipulative and a nightmare.

category12: You've got the fanny-gallops.*
Bloody brilliant.

She may well be but he chose to stay with her for 25 years.

This is true @Windmillwhirl but two months in the OP has no way of knowing if that's the case or not does she?

It sounds like you are asking us to say he's not that bad and to justify the relationship for you. Only you can do that. Personally I wouldn't waste my time on him, or probably on you given the picture you've painted of your views of his ex-wife.

I think OP people don’t mean to sound harsh, it’s just a fair few have been round the block. When I got divorced in 1990 at the age of 28! I quickly met someone who lived away and within 3 months I had moved in with him, he was very very nice,, fun , good looking and couldn’t do enough for me, sex was good, lots of romantic stuff etc, after my ex H who treated me like I was a total afterthought it was an absolute blast. Within 8 months I discovered he had lied about what he did for a living, had 2 previous convictions for over the limit driving, was a control freak as to where I was etc, , borderline alcoholic and a neat freak to boot and his wedding that his ex cancelled 6 weeks before the wedding was because of all these things!! It took me4 years to get out. All I will say is it really is easy for someone to show only their best side early on, so just keep your wits about you whilst having fun. I certainly would be a bit wary if someone has said he’s an alcoholic, however one persons alcoholic is another’s 2 pint a day moderate drinker , so I think time will tell

No, she doesnt but no harm in not rushing to a conclusion is there?

I think we're saying the same thing @Windmillwhirl - the op just needs to reserve judgement I think and not get swept up in drama fro any quarter really

My Dh cheated on his ex-was only w ith her for the kids sake and yes she was a bitch even her own family told me so

Tske it slow op but dont listen to al this your thinking with your fanny nonsense if its right it will work out

I would have taken the introduction to his Daughter quite a bit slower.

Maybe have met over a luncheon, or ''bump'' into one another at the pictures or something to slowly introduce you to his family, but not to share a bed at the same time Daughter is in the house when you have only known each other for two months. That's a lot for a youngster to take on board in a relatively short space of time.

No one likes to think their parents have sex, let alone with other people...

have you watched dirty john? Just be careful - you are only hearing one side of the story . I feel sorry for the daughter tbh.

Well you know, being treated like shit by a partner has been known to lead people to look elsewhere.

I was treated horrendously and cheated on by my exH whilst being a stay at home mom to two children. I got my ducks in a row and got a divorce. It didn't lead me into the arms of another man. Some of us actually have morals, maintain the highground, and realize the impact our actions can have on our families

You're both on the rebound; nothing feels remotely stable from your OP; and I'm not sure that being in love is enough to either sustain it or to surmount the reality of what you're both actually dealing with as flawed human beings.

And OP - is he an alcoholic?