Wonderful new man met online but. . .

[Idontseeit]

We are both going through nasty divorces. ExH and I never got along after the birth of our second child 6 years ago. We are moving on. I joined 1 dating website 6 months ago and spoke to new guy. I then realised it was too soon so wrote to him telling him I wasn’t up for it.

Fast forward to 2 months ago, I wrote to him & we met, got along brilliantly, have had an amazing time together 😁. He was the only date I went on. I’m 45 with a 9 & 6 year old so was naturally apprehensive. But he is so attentive, kind & considerate I thought fuck it and enjoy. I hadn’t had sex for 5 years and the sex is out of this world 😊

So he was in a relationship with his wife for 24 years, has 2 DDs age 18. Sadly he had an affair that ended the marriage. I’ve since found out about his high maintenance, materialistic, manipulative ex Wife but let’s not go there...

My problem is that this is the first time his daughters have had a blip in their lives. The exW got a boyfriend 2 weeks after they split up a year ago. They are accepting of this. Now dad has a relationship, they are not so cool about it. For example, they came back from university & knew we were in a relationship. We went out to his local pub and his DD rocked up and caused a scene accusing him of not answering his phone to her. Said things like ‘ I know what your priorities are’. Then later we were in bed and she stormed into his room screaming like a banshee saying ‘ you are having sex, how dare you, you don’t care about us, you are an alcoholic’. Blah blah.

Is she being a brat? Or does she have a point? I can truthfully say he is one of the kindest men I’ve ever known. Trust me after the abuse I’ve put up with I’m after lovely now.

Where do I go from here?

You've got the fanny-gallops.

I'm gonna make it my mission in life to work this into a sentence as often as I can

Oh OP ...

Sounds like he's an alco, cheating shit father.

At least he was a good shag though.

You should probably leg it now.

Oh

And your username is very apt

This whole thread makes me lol. Your delusional and combative OP. Good luck!

Absolutely!!!
Very strange thread.

Why post as you clearly are not listening to the majority of advice given on here all saying the same thing and are determined to be right.
I agree, you have been brainwashed.

Can of worms (him) and wishful thinking (you).

Just because the ex wife sounds 'bad' doesn't mean he's 'good'. Those kids sound pretty messed up - I'd bet it took 2 to make that mess.

I’m cringing for you op

Would love to know your reaction if he cheats on you, will you still minimise choices as one mistake in x amount of years.

To cheat on a partner you've been with for 25 years is no one simple mistake. Stop minimising his vile actions.

Two questions that i wouldnt expect you to answer here, but which you might want to think about;

1. Are you fairly well-off (own home, decent job, etc)?

1. Did you mention your children in your profile on the dating site?

I think op was posting to reassure her Dd was out of order.

I have huge doubts in his story .

It doesn’t make a good line , my ex was fantastic looked after the home and kids but I couldn’t keep it in my pants so shagged around.

My ex was abusive funnily enough it didn’t start with what an arsehole he was it took. Me years to work that out . Treated me like a princess in the beginning.

Oh and the mother of his child he sold as she blame for everything. So yes I learnt the hard way not everything is as it appears .

I learnt listen but don’t take everything as gospel.

As for his dd it is extreme however you need to ask why? Don’t assume you will find out from jim

I can truthfully say he is one of the kindest men I’ve ever known.

Well there's no truth in that because you don't know him.

Trust me after the abuse I’ve put up with I’m after lovely now.

Doesn't mean you redefine "lovely" to fit with the very first guy you date.

umm....I'm sorry, but I feel a bit sorry for the daughter....I think being in bed with her dad when she was home from Uni wasn't the right decision. And if she's really upset about her dad dating, I think one should tread carefully to avoid hurting a partner's children's feeling. A few months sounds too soon to me for this level of proximity. Maybe keep it as something for the two of you, while you work out if this is going to go somewhere.

It was only the once....so that makes it alright!!! I don't think so, try asking his wife and kids.
Interested to know what your ex says about you to the other woman. You will learn.

And no, I wouldn't be having a complete stranger in my bed when my 18 year old was home.

Poster with tongue firmly in cheek: he sounds like a saint.

OP (who it appears doesn't get sarcasm - just as she doesn't spot a shitty man spinning her a line): why yes, thanks, he is.

Comedy gold (in a slightly worrying way).

I'd love to know what Anyfucker posted to get deleted...

Facepalm city.

I think we can safely assume he drinks too much. That in itself is worth some serious consideration when you have young children.

We know for sure he's a cheat.

We know he has a very bad relationship with his children. They're brats - or there's more to this story?

A lot of what he says is a cliched line. Like not leaving as his daughters were doing exams (that's a classic line, OP). The ex being painted as horrible and him as the good guy who just couldn't take any more. So that leads me to believe that he's very likely a liar (actually, we already know he's a liar because cheats lie so that they can cheat).

Tell me again how he's a saint?

why are you meeting his children after a mere 2 months?

and btw - you have done the Freedom Programme haven't you?

More cliches - 'It only happened two itty bitt little times'.

I think a frank talk with his daughter would do you the world of good. Better still, his ex.

Keep your children FAR away from this disaster.

@Idontseeit now you clearly don’t but I think your “wonderful new man” saw you coming.

I am confident that at some point in the future you will be described as something less than pleasant, by him to his next sexual conquest.

Walk away.
Or run. For the hills.

Text book. And you're swallowing it all. Mind that you don't hurt yourself because it will be an almightly bump when you fall on your behind....

Do you think he was waiting quietly at home after your first contact 6 months ago until you reappeared 2 months ago ? They've been split for over a year, he doesn't have to sneak around anymore - I'll bet he was straight onto OLD (if he wasn't before ) and you are not the first he has taken home for the amazing sex. His DDs may well have experienced strange women in the house in the holiday period before they went to uni and over the Xmas break or a series of them holding on to his arm in the local pub where they are known.

Even if not that - why would you want to be so present in their lives in such an in their face fashion when you haven't got to know them in a more sensitive manner ? You think they are behaving badly ?

Oh, I forgot, the amazing sex.

@Idontseeit

PLEASE watch DIRTY JOHN on Netflix. The whole story/series is your story to a T.

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dirty_John