Husband cheating with prostitutes - again!!

[Totallyheartbroken]

I’ve just discovered my husband of 28 years has been visiting ‘escorts’ again. I forgave him last time and really tried to keep our family together but he is obviously not as committed as I was. I’ve struggled every day for 10 years to accept his sordid secret but to find out he has done it again is beyond belief. I found out by using his google and his last search was an escort agency. I then checked his messages and read one asking him if he was ‘tired after last night’? Help.....what do I do?

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Security camera. It probably only makes sense if you change the locks and he moves out (otherwise he might get suspicious?). Just be very careful not to provoke him as he might react unpredictably and may be dangerous for you and children. But it might be useful as a back up so that you have evidence of any assaults. Test it first to see if it works.

I've done the counselling in the past. I wasn't impressed and I'm not up to going over the same thing again.

You take your time OP, do things at the speed it suits and put yourself in the best position possible, what a cheeky fucker asking for evidence, he really is one sad dickhead

People should really stop giving the advice of changing locks in a jointly owned home.

You can't unless you have a court order excluding your spouse from the home, although you can change the locks on the marital home, you cannot prevent your ex- from returning to the home, even if that means breaking into the home, or even changing the locks again to lock you out.

I doubt he stopped using prostitutes at all. Stop worrying about proof of his behaviour...he's untrustworthy and violent.

Forgiving him has tied you to him for longer, as you had a third child in that time.

He doesn't respect you, but wants the status of being a married family man.

With his violence, don't rise to him or get into arguments. It won't get you anywhere, but deeply stressed out.

At this stage you need to focus on yourself and your children.

He needs to know you don't want the marriage to continue and supporting the DC through iylt all is your priority.

Don't let him be the focus... ppl like that are never wrong in their opinion.

You don't need counselling op, what you need is to get this psychotic cunt out of your life.

He's sick in the head op, you don't need any proof. He knows what he's done and you know what he's done...what again?

He's a serial cheat, emotional and physical abuser. On top of that he sounds like a narcissist, and tyrannical bully.

Don't just change the locks op do it properly this time, via the courts and a divorce.

Don't engage in any more back and forth arguing, and call the police if he gets aggressive.

Unless you're happy to be cheated on and physically abused for the rest of your life start the ball rolling a see a solicitor.

This person is extremely dangerous imo.

He does not need to know you want the marriage to end. Speak to a local DV service (download the brightsky app if your phone is locked and he can’t access it) they will help you plan your escape. You can act normal/nice while you line your ducks up. You need an occupation/non molestation order. Good luck op. Don’t take any risks but get you and the children to safety.

Agree - you cannot change the locks.

You need to speak to Women's Aid, TotallyHeartbroken

Your H is dangerous and you are going to need help getting the orders and getting him out. WA might be able to give you a list of solicitors who understand domestic violence and will advocate properly for you and your children.

You all speak so much sense. Why can't I think rationally? I told one of his colleagues what he's been doing today I'm not sure they believed me. Then I thought maybe I should've kept it secret to protect my children but I just had to vent.

You can turn a blind eye & forget what you saw. Or leave.

I've not read the full thread but if you are concerned about him not leaving and potentially becoming violent I would visit a solicitor for advice. His cheating is certainly grounds for you to divorce him and him to be the one that leaves. Have you got a support network that can help you? If so I would get the kids to stay with someone, change the locks while he is away, have some friends with me to witness everything and serve divorce papers to him while he stands shouting on the front door step. You deserve better than him and so do your children

Why have you told one of his colleagues as opposed to one of your friends op?

I don't have support network I don't have much family and no close friends I could go to. Only work colleagues who are aquaintences. His colleague thinks he's amazing and the sun shines out of his Ass.

You don't know how often he's done this. He is untrustworthy. As has been pointed out, you deserve better.

Homes don’t talk to his colleagues. You are very vulnerable right now he will want you to fall back into line.

I would almost pretend you are moving on to protect yourself and get proper advice . If he was last a finger on you go to the police

No more talking to his colleagues. They are not your friends.

Phone WA. Rant or vent or let it all out there, where they are actually in a position to help you.

WA 0808 2000 247.
Call.

I didn't tell them to confide in them I told them he's not who they think he is and has an extremely dark sick side to him.

You need to go get professional advice from a solicitor about divorce. No woman should have to live like this and your kids deserve better too.

Wasting time & tears getting Proof is pointless.
You know it's true. you are not even interested in resurrecting marriage , it's a farce. You don't want to live with him anymore.
Fullstop

That's true. I don't I'm in the hating stage now. Oh btw he's now denying it completely. Even denying what happened years ago. He's mentally ill.

Please see this through and get rid of him. Others have given good advice.
I just wanted to say my ex went to prostitutes. I forgave him the first time I found out about it, about 3 years ago. Everyone on Mumsnet told me to get rid but in the end I was too weak and took him back. Not long after we got back together he came in stinking of the brothel again. I forgave him again. At the end of last year we split up again because he "wanted other women". He is now creeping around me again trying to get back with me and at the moment I am staying strong. I never want this fucker back again.

Your 'D'H will do this again and again putting your health at risk - never mind how much money he is spending on prostitutes.
I think that when men get a taste for prostitutes they can't give them up and are drawn back to them again and again.

I understand why you want to vent to his colleagues, but it might make it worse for you, when he realises you've been talking to other people. They will find out the truth eventually. Take care of yourself.

What do you mean stinking of brothels? I noticed evidence in his underwear but what would he smell like? Maybe I just didn't know the particular odour?

He smelt of a very cloying women's perfume. The prostitutes in the brothels around here (I am in another country) wear very strong perfumes - probably to cover up other smells.

Also his crotch smelt of a woody kind of soap. This is how I had my first suspicion the first time round - it was definitely a soap, but not one we had at home. The men have to have showers before and after having sex with prostitutes and this was the reason for the soap smell.

They don't here. He was in and out of one within 10 mins once.