Husband cheating with prostitutes - again!!

[Totallyheartbroken]

I’ve just discovered my husband of 28 years has been visiting ‘escorts’ again. I forgave him last time and really tried to keep our family together but he is obviously not as committed as I was. I’ve struggled every day for 10 years to accept his sordid secret but to find out he has done it again is beyond belief. I found out by using his google and his last search was an escort agency. I then checked his messages and read one asking him if he was ‘tired after last night’? Help.....what do I do?

I haven’t told anyone he attacks me. He’s very clever where he bruises me and never on show. It’s a sad state of affairs because when he’s good he’s amazing and then Boom... he does something like this. I feel like I don’t know him and I’ve lived a complete fabrication of a family life for 10 years. I know I need to make the break this time I’m not strong enough to hold the family together.

Your last sentence is wrong. Staying together isn’t strong it’s weak. Strength is walking away from something so corrosive and protecting yourself and your children from growing up in a dysfunctional household.

You should consider telling a few trusted people the full truth so you can be supported properly.

A family with a mum and dad living together is only one type of family. There are many families and they are all as valid. Your children will adjust and won’t be living in a house with a screaming dad and hidden physical violence.

Yes you’re right. Staying in the relationship is definitely weak.

Okay. So many "amazing" men somehow remember where not to leave bruises & everyone else thinks they're fucking wonderful.

Get out now. Call upon whatever help you can get from friends/family/women's groups.

Please don't be embarrassed or ashamed to ask. This is not your fault. Ever.

(Been there)

Many types of families that should say.

I'm so sorry OP.

Please read Living Dolls, for some cold hard facts about porn culture and prostitution, and the kind of misogynist this man is. A man that will put his desire for an orgasm over his family, and not give a shit that the women he pays is doing it out of financial desperation. For what reason? Childhood sexual abuse? Drug abuse? Poverty? Trafficking? Mental health problems? I Thankfully it sounds like you know this is over now, but please gather some rage, to fuel this and protect yourself, and most importantly protect your children. I really hope he doesn't have daughter's.

Yes you’re so right. People do think he’s wonderful. On the PTA and is the first to ‘help out’ at events etc. Tells so many lies about our ‘family times’ I find myself cringing. It’s like he’s acting out his life to others.

2 are daughters and I pray they don’t ever meet a man like their father.

I’m not sure I want to learn much about prostitution and the porn industry. Maybe I’m being naive but I can’t imagine what physically happens with the father of our children and family man at that. I don’t even understand why he would want to pay for something he could get freely at home. Up until he decided he was ‘too stressed’ to do it with me.

OP if you stay it's almost certain that your daughters will meet men like their father. Sorry if that sounds harsh but we model our relationships on our parents even if we know logically they are unhealthy.

Show them a woman should not put up with this - don't teach them they should. Staying in this set up is not what is best for them.

Thank you everyone I’ll keep you posted on what happens tomorrow. You have helped me immensely tonight, I have never done this chat before so forgive me if I’ve appeared dumb but it’s all new to me. Thank you all anyway you’re the first I’ve opened up to about anything.

Go to therapy together... this is not a cheating issue, this is a psychological issue potentially related to deep insecurities. Dont just leave him, help him.

Change the locks and leave his belonging at a family member/ friends.
No ifs no buts....

Ignore my last post. Get your ducks in a row, money etc and then kick him out!!! Bide your time and do it properly. What an arsehole.

That is absolutely gross, I would not be able to have any kind of relationship or friendship with a man like this.

We did the therapy last time. He lied through it all and I cried through it all.

How do I ‘do it properly’? Which order is best? I’m so confused and I can’t even imagine life without him but I don’t see a future with him either. This is going to be so hard but I got to do it.

He took my windows out last time I changed the locks. Legally he has a right to come in too apparently.

You know you have to end this. How bad does it have to get? You go and see a solicitor and initiate the divorce. The solicitor will tell you what your right are.
It's not going to be easy but the end result will be peace of mind and a new life for yourself.
My last husband was obsessed with fetish and kinky nightclubs and tried to force me to go to swinging clubs.
Our divorce was a massive relief and I don't miss him

If he hurt you physically and screams at you then your children already know.I thought my DD didn't and we didn't shout,she did and gas needed counciling and self harmed as a result.
Other parents will tell you the same.If you can't separate for you find the strength to do it for them.
But above all be safe,tell people IRL,their support may suprise you.

Do NOT go to therapy together.
All relationship guidance groups advise against joint therapy with an abuser.
Sod his deep insecurities.
See a solicitor.

Anything physical or you feeling that it may turn that way call the police .

He's not a "family man" op, he just puts on a very convincing act.

And yes when he's getting his own way and fucking a selection box of prostitutes unchallenged I'm sure he's skipping round like a pixi being "amazing"

Glitter covered dogshit....

Solicitor ASAP

Sorry you are going through this OP. You have to leave especially if this isn’t the first time and do so before he completely destroys your self esteem.

He might have some weird kink or fetish he is into I know a girl who is a cam girl and you would be shocked at some of the stuff the married men she talks to are into and obviously these men would never do these things with their wives so you just never know really kinda creeps me out!