Husband cheating with prostitutes - again!!

[Totallyheartbroken]

I’ve just discovered my husband of 28 years has been visiting ‘escorts’ again. I forgave him last time and really tried to keep our family together but he is obviously not as committed as I was. I’ve struggled every day for 10 years to accept his sordid secret but to find out he has done it again is beyond belief. I found out by using his google and his last search was an escort agency. I then checked his messages and read one asking him if he was ‘tired after last night’? Help.....what do I do?

I'm so sorry you're going through this OP. Leave leave leave. Aside from the issue of the massive betrayal, this is a man who feels entitled to pay for sexual access to a woman's body, that kind of man can't possibly have much empathy or sense of right and wrong or respect for women

OP - please be careful. I haven't had your experiences, but I've read so much on here.
Get your papers etc sorted out while he is out of the house.
DONT tell him you're leaving - this is when abusers can do their worst.
Don't even think about therapy - pointless with a narcissistic lying abuser. He doesn't want to change.
GET HELP. From police, women's aid, CAB, TELL someone in real life.
I'm worried for you now, when he comes home and you haven't answered his calls.

Can you have someone with you for when he comes home?

He called home and ranted at me not answering his calls but I couldn’t if I want to. (In work and not allowed phone) didn’t call works emergency access number so I knew it wasn’t important. He stormed out after 5 mins and hers still out. Where I have no idea. Drinking or with the Prostitutes. Who knows 🤷🏼‍♀️

No my parents are elderly and I don’t have much family

I'm so sorry you deserve better than this.

No my parents are elderly and I don’t have much family

I dunno about the implications of this but it may be helpful to put a nest security camera in your house. It is supposed to detect intruders - I believe it uses facial recognition and there may be privacy issues in the long term. But it may be able to record whenever anything moves in a room (if you set it to not recognise you and DH). But that way, if you are standing in front of it, and he hurts you, it would be recorded. Also, it can detect intruders at a specific room.

Good idea how much would a camera cost? He's just home with beer... obv sleeping on the sofa. Still denying everything when I asked him if he found somewhere to live he laughed. 😡 he's asking for evidence- I took a photo of the google and some phone numbers but apart from phoning one who admitted she was a call girl I have nothing else to show him. I need a tracker to catch him in the act yo prove it once and for all.

You don't need a tracker you know what he is doing. Go to a solicitor and file for divorce.....get a life for you and your children.....find out what you are entitled to...you say you have a good job so use some of the money you earn to have a good solicitor session don't skimp on it as they should be able to get you a good deal. He is disgusting and treats you like garbage...put your big girl pants on and FUCKING GO FOR EVERYTHING YOU CAN....he deserves fuck all...

Yes and the googling and phone numbers to the call girls can be used even if he wants to kid himself that's not evidence. And of course - you have the photos. I was going to say you could show him those if he's asking for 'evidence' but that is probably extremely risky - nevertheless if you want him gone you only have to show them to the police OP.

He doesn't get to tell you when you can leave him.

OTOH, it might be wise to play along, pretend you're dropping the idea and then do everything you need to do secretly, behind the scenes.

When the relationship is over, I mean. I'm not saying you should leave the house. Your solicitor can help with that side of things!

Well, what an idiot!
I’m so sorry that your loyalty and love has been betrayed this way.
It sounds like he has a problem.
My solution would be: separate bedrooms ( while I get my ducks in a row, without his knowledge ) health check, solicitor and divorce.
Get a escort gift card, hand it to him and tell him to get out, and now he has somewhere to go!
It’s time for you to think of yourself and protect your children. X

You don't need a tracker. You can end a relationship for whatever reason you want. End it because he's an asshole, end it because you're unhappy, end it because life should be better than this.

Call women's aid op.

Asking for evidence?

You don’t need evidence to divorce him. Twat.

Awful reading please take care OP. Get all the legal advice you can. You dont need evidence, you know all you need to know to get a divorce. Solicitor can advise what to do re the house - they still offer free half hours i think

Really sorry your going through this, id be asking him to leave, you need the house to care for the children, go to a solicitor for advice, Good Luck.

He sees prostitutes and attacks you physically. You have to leave.

Tell someone in your life about the abuse. Don't be embarrassed or ashamed for having endured it. It is his shame to bear, not yours.

And don't go to therapy with an abuser or potential narcissist. Nothing good ever comes out of that for the victim.

...he's asking for evidence- I took a photo of the google and some phone numbers but apart from phoning one who admitted she was a call girl I have nothing else to show him. I need a tracker to catch him in the act yo prove it once and for all.

Oh for the love of puppies, no you don't need a tracker.

You have all the evidence you need. You don't actually need any. He has hit you. Game over.

He is playing games with you when he asks for evidence. He is enjoying seeing the power his words have over you, with you wondering if you have "enough evidence". He is loving every minute of the torment he is visiting on you.
Stop playing his game, by his rules.

You spoke to one of his prostitutes fgs.

Stop thinking you have to comply with whatever orders he issues to you.
Stop asking him about moving out.

Make your own plan and stick to it. Present him with a fait accompli.
Call Women's Aid and give all the details of your situation.
Move ahead with getting the physical abuse reported.
Get an occupation order and a non-molestation order.

Yes I can see the sick game he's playing. He's obviously deluded to think I'm accepting it this time. I'm taking it slowly and making sure everything I do is in the interest of my children. They didn't ask to live this kind of life and only I can stop it. Tonight I'm going to find a good solicitor and make an appointment ASAP.

Hope you get an appointment soon. What an arsehole.

Ask him to leave op.
So sorry you are going through this.
It must be horrendous.
Can you afford to get some counselling for yourself?