Husband cheating with prostitutes - again!!

[Totallyheartbroken]

I’ve just discovered my husband of 28 years has been visiting ‘escorts’ again. I forgave him last time and really tried to keep our family together but he is obviously not as committed as I was. I’ve struggled every day for 10 years to accept his sordid secret but to find out he has done it again is beyond belief. I found out by using his google and his last search was an escort agency. I then checked his messages and read one asking him if he was ‘tired after last night’? Help.....what do I do?

I had all the tests at the clinic last time all clear. We have had sex for a few months and he blamed stress and being tired. We always had a healthy sex life throughout our marriage

There is no way back from this. Pack his bags.

Well I suppose you knew deep down he'd do it again. You gave him the green light by forgiving him, he's not even sorry, what a wanker.

The other aspect of this is how a man who uses prostitutes views sex and women - as a service that he can buy. Devoid of morality not only for betraying you but for renting a woman’s body for his ‘needs’. I doubt you even want to look him in the face at the moment you must be so disgusted that he has done this again.

So true. He’s abused my understanding.

If you stay he will do it again
If you leave him what he does will no longer damage you in this way though it may always hurt.

Everything else will flow from whether you feel you can leave him. There is no point all of us telling you to go, you have to believe this for yourself and go from there.

If you base your actions on a bunch of strangers - and I don’t mean this in an unkind way truly - then I would urge you to leave and thereby create the possibility of a life free from the kind of pain and humiliation he is devastating you with right now. Your children will thank you for it in the long term since who wants a sad fuck of a dad who uses escorts and their mum just let him get on with it.

Nobody should be treated so shabbily and I hope you will get through it. You should and you should wipe the floor with his arse 💐

He screams that I’m a crazy bitch for not believing him. The evidence is there and he still denies it. Last time there were hundreds of phone numbers of escorts in his phone. I totally trusted him and it was by chance his message came up on screen they were having text sex and she had replied late. I opened the messages and read others. I then checked his bill and there were so many escort numbers I felt sick to my stomach. We did go to Relate but he lied to them too.

Do you want this to be your story OP?
ie when you're 95, telling a nurse in a care home "Oh he was horrible to me for 60 years, slept with prostitutes all that time. I stayed with him though."
You deserve better.

It doesn't matter what he's screaming at you. You know the truth..and you know what to do

The screaming is unacceptable behaviour in its own right along with the name calling. In your shoes I’d hold my head high and walk away from his bat shit crazy horribleness. You are worth far more.

I can only push him so far because he attacks me physically so it’s going to be very difficult to actually make him leave. He says it’s his house too.

Please leave. You only have one shot at life, is this how you want to spend it?

Sounds like you're going to stay in this marriage.
There will be another 'again'.

It’s so difficult to even look at him he turns my stomach to think what he does in his lunch hour. I looked at dates when he got the message and clearly traveled 100 mile round trip for a quickie because he wasn’t gone that long.

And that’s another nail in the coffin. Ring the police for advice on getting him to leave. Any RL supper you could use?

Oh OP! Putting myself in your place, or trying to, I just couldn't continue being married or being in an intimate relationship with a man who goes to prostitutes. It's "ducks in a row" time, sadly.

You could stay in the relationship & he can fuck women for money like the grubby little creep he is whilst you ignore it.

Or you could leave the relationship because he has no respect for you, your marriage or your family.

The fact you condoned it last time probably means he’s always done it & why not, he clearly wants to & can get away with it, Let that happen this time & you might as well make the appointments for him whilst you’re at it..

Support not supper

I can’t stay for my own sanity it’s affected my work today and I have an important role in my job. I haven’t discussed anything really with him tonight he started yelling at me and it’s not fair on the children. I’m sure they heard some of it even though I was trying to talk in code. Not easy when you want to shout it from the rooftops but I kept my counsel as much as I could.

I can only push him so far because he attacks me physically so it’s going to be very difficult to actually make him leave. He says it’s his house too.

Call the police if he’s violent. Seriously, have him arrested, don’t put up with this shit.

& apologies - that wasn’t meant to sound blasé. It’s just the sheer frustration of seeing people behave like doormats in relationships.

No person is worth taking that kind of behaviour from, when it happens it’s over, no second chances. It’s incomprehensible to me how little self-respect or possibly how delusional people are.

OP he has proved that you were wrong to forgive him or trust him for it the previous time, how could there possibly be any question about what you do this time?!

Why would a prostitute bother texting him to ask if he was tired after last night?

If he's violent then can you ring women's aid for advice?
Have you told anyone in rl about him getting physical?

I missed the “he attacks me physically“ bit. What a prize. Please find the strength to end the relationship. Get some legal advice & get him out.

I’m going to write a list of ToDos and try to be strong working through them. STD clinic bank, school, parents etc. I’m just not sure what to tell people. It’s totally embarrassing too.