Just cancelled the wedding

[sirmione16]

4 month old baby. 5 weeks until the wedding. Discovered he's been cheating. Have told him there's no way I can marry him in 5 weeks time, so cancelled it. Will sort logistics tomorrow/this week

He started a new stressful job last October, baby came January, wedding looming and claims he's had a breakdown, not wanted to show or tell me and he just reached out to this girl as a confidence boost.

Can this ever be moved on from? Will counselling be beneficial, if he is emotionally down as much as he says? Or would I be stupid to try and save this?

I'm mortified at being that girl who cancelled her wedding, I feel like he's stole this from me... I've got to be strong for my baby boy but my god do I hurt

Jesus you're a hero op, sorry it's shit

Do you believe for a nanosecond that no sex ever happened? I know what I'd think...

Anyway, even if he were the one guy in the planet in the whole of history who did all that and never had sex, is that really good enough for you? You're right - what's almost worse is him talking to her, and not you. Him opting out of family life. Lying to you (probably still is).

So he bought a cupboard full of groceries. Whoop-de-frickin-doo. You could date the Ocado driver and have a more fulfilling relationship.

It was my hen do the weekend, and he messaged her "I'm free all weekend" YEAH because your fiancé is on her hen do?!!!???? I feel so sick. And disrespected

See "I was down, I got drunk, I shagged her* is not we've been sexting and making out, I've sacked off time with you and baby to snog her and planned to shag her in your hen do.

He's a dick op.

Let people ask and talk. Personally I wouldn't lie. I'd make it clear you broke it off because he was unfaithful.

I wouldn't be able to forgive, but if you can then that's your choice to make. For now I'd concentrate on you and baby, and practicalities. Don't let him come home. Work out what he needs to be paying you and what access he can have to DS.

Beyond that you need time and space

Apparently no sex has happened
That is what they all say.

Ugh he is disgusting OP, what a deceptive bastard, I'm so sorry.

And you are NOT "the girl who cancelled her wedding", you are the "awesome strong woman who kicked a cheating knobhead to the kerb".

Apparently no sex has happened

If true, which I’d doubt. Probably not for lack of trying.

He’ll admit as little as he thinks he can get away with.

I hate to be that guy but it's highly unlikely they didn't sleep together if all this sexting has occurred before hand.

I'm so sorry this has happened to you. But feel anger at him how dare he cry about how hard its been for him. How has it been for you being mummy and planning a wedding and holding everything else down?
I don't give a crap what his mental health is like. I bet you have felt down at times did u go out and find someone else?
You owe it to yourself and your son to show him that is not the way anyone will tolerate being treated. You will be a strong independent fabulous mama by yourself and he will respect your strength in years to come.
This is NOT a reflection on you this is a reflection on his shitty personality! who does that to someone after they have just had your baby.

Don't look back with rose tinted glasses. It would be easy to forgive him and try and forget it but you would hate yourself in the long run. Baby food and breakfast doesn't make up for this and also it's very likely he met her then changed his behaviour.
I would send one message saying we will discuss child care arrangements only and if you try to contact me regarding anything else I will block you.
I'm sorry if it seems harsh your poor heart must be broken in two but focus on your little lad he will be your strength. I think sometimes we try to search desperately for a solution and a fix when sometimes in our heads we know that there is no fixing this.

However painful, you deserve better than this prick. You will be happy again but until then look after your baby and look after yourself.

And btw, I'm "the girl who left her husband two months after her wedding" (because he hit me two days before it and I went through with it as it was too much to deal with).

So all my friends and family spent money and time going to our wedding and while I was fearing gossip/humiliation/failure, I promise you not one of them has ever done anything but support my decision.

You sound helluva impressive OP, don't accept second best. As for him not having sex with her - even if he hasn't, he was clearly up for it by saying he was free all weekend.

This needs a long time out and you don't owe him anything, even an explanation. Good luck x

Utter, utter bastard.

He’s not sorry. If he was a blip he wouldn’t have continued texting her.

You absolutely did the right thing.

People will gossip. No point in denying it.

But years from now you’d be divorcing a serial cheat and they’d be gossiping then too, only you’d have wasted even more time on him.

Stay strong. Show your dc what having self-respect looks like.

Tell him to get fucked! He wants to talk? Let him talk to the woman he was sexting.

I would bet anything the change in the last 3 months is when he started shagging her.

Does this meeting up 2 times include the whole weekend when you were on your hen do? There is the first obvious major lie. How can it only be 2 times they met if he spent the weekend with her?Which means his only kissing & making out is also lies.

Deep down you know they spent that weekend shagging.

Sorry OP you deserve so much better.

I would be very wary about taking him back - I did (no wedding involved) and all these years later he tells me he never should have got back together with me! They simply don't respect us for taking them back. Put yourself and your son first

Why do people who cheat then behave in such a pitiful manner? Any excuse when there is in fact no excuse.

Wretch

Do not marry this man. Stick to your guns.

He seems regretful, he's cried a lot today and he keeps apologising

Because he got caught. I thought it was going to be a drunken one night stand. That would have been appalling. But an actual affair? What a nasty piece of work. I'm so glad for you that you found out in time OP.

A cancelled wedding does lead to a few minutes of gossip, that's true. A marriage that breaks up a few months later because one of the couple couldn't keep it in their pants - that's the gossip that runs and runs.

Be strong op, you are so much better than this.

DH was due to be best man at a wedding which got cancelled 5 days before because he fucked off and did similar, we didn't gossip, there was too much to do and sort out to make sure she didn't have to make 100 awkward and upsetting calls letting people know, she shut herself away and let us sort the rest. We were devastated for her but she was strong and decisive and took their little boy on the honeymoon instead of her now Ex. She met someone whilst on the honeymoon in a friend capacity, they stayed in touch and now 3 years later they're together!

You can get through this.

Yea logical explanation is that he was stressed so had to dip his wick in to someone else instead of talking it through with you You did the right thing by cancelling the wedding and I really feel for you having to go through this while dealing with a baby at the same time. So every time he's feeling stressed or overwhelmed in life will he be resorting to the same measures? I think you deserve so much better

Apparently no sex has happened

Of course not! Maybe just the odd pottery class, or just some nice innocent jogging round the park...

Or maybe that's bullshit.

A very brave thing to do OP, especially with a new born. You are awesome. Tell people what has happened. It is not your shame and they will rally round. You will be a fantastic mum by showing your baby what is and isn't acceptable behaviour.

LOL @ we didn't sleep together. There's no coming back from this, he'll do it again and again and again. He's a liar. Let people talk.

And you are NOT "the girl who cancelled her wedding", you are the "awesome strong woman who kicked a cheating knobhead to the kerb"

This.

I also see that you have jjust given birth, are caring for a tiny baby, dealings width your life being ripped apart and cancelling the wedding . But HE is crying and finding life hard

So if you hadn't found out (I'm assuming you discovered messages?), this would have been going on when you got married???

Wow... poor him. He must have been so stressed!!! Twat.
Well done OP for being strong enough to take control of a really shitty situation. You are very awesome

It's good that you've cancelled the wedding, well done you.

It would be a good idea to make him live elsewhere. You can't sort anything out properly if you're both under the same roof.