I’m not frustrated with you. You ARE strong.
I was always a tough bird..I’ve owned businesses since my 20’s and am incredibly driven with s strong work ethic.
You might find it interesting to know that controlling men, men who can tip over into abusers, often look out for strong women. It’s more of a challenge.
Abuse often manifests itself during pregnancy or after birth. It’s not unusual and it’s NOT your fault.
In my family, a woman in an abusive, coercive marriage was just like you - strong, runs her own business. But her shit of a husband ground down her self-esteem, made her doubt herself, made bad business decisions that cost her a lot if money to unravel. Was obsessed by material things and status. It was not easy for her to leave him but it was the best thing in the end.
Keep talking.
In my marriage - I do the family budget/accounts. We each have a personal account we’re paid into, then we pay nearly all that into the joint account, leaving ourselves the same amount of cash to fritter on personal spending. We have a joint credit card. We discuss large purchases, decide on mutual priorities - holidays, spending on the house etc. We each have savings in our names, an equal
Amount. My DH has access to anything I have access to, if he wants it. No one hides anything or calls anyone else irresponsible.