Dating thread 161: (Can anybody find me) somebody to love..?

[Sunshineandflipflops]

The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.

1. Develop a thick skin.
2. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
3. It's all BS until it actually happens.
4. Trust your gut instinct.
5. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
6. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
7. If it's not fun, stop.
8. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread?watched=1

Really pleased it went well @Ant330 and I agree about the 'investing'. I know OLD has made us all a bit hard and cynical but if you like someone then allow yourself to!

Have you arranged date number 3?

Yeah I know you're right, date 3 is on Sunday. She was even talking this morning about asking her ex to change the day he has the kids midweek to align with mine so we have more availability.
I just feel like a lovesick bloody teenager again, and am therefore expecting it to go tits up!

@Crustaceans my friends are 40 mins away, so again not really that easy atm. I think once I've moved it will be much easier. Thinking maybe it' not really the right time for me with my circumstances with the kids.

lifegoes just wanted to say I am glad you are feeling a spark.

It’s so bloody hard to date with young kids. Mine got to their dad 3 nights in 14. All the Irons I have liked also have kids but seem to have theirs on the same weekend I am free! Mine are so young it’s hard and expensive to organise sitters (especially overnight) but because they are so little I cannot guarantee they won’t wake up on an evening so not keen to have guys round

It’s one of the things that really piss me off. My ex was an abusive aggressive arsehole BUT he has met someone else because he has the time. I deserve someone nice but don’t really have time to date 😡

@Ant330 I'm so glad your second date went well. It is difficult not to get over-invested as it is natural to be excited when you meet someone you have a spark with. I know that my mind starts going into overdrive when that happens and I imagine us in all sorts of future scenarios.

I am feeling okay today despite Mr K having let me down. I have no idea what is going on in his life but I suspect there is something which has caused him to decide not to take things further with me. It is frustrating as he said that I was sparkling company and that he really really fancied me but still felt it best to cancel the second date. I rarely have such good chemistry with someone but I'm sure I will find it again in the future.

@Ant330

See, you didn’t need to be nervous.

I’m walking to MrNoNames flat, it’s cold and raining, lovely! Also, it’s June, how is the weather like this for June?!

My ex was an abusive aggressive arsehole BUT he has met someone else because he has the time. I deserve someone nice but don’t really have time to date

It does really feel like there’s no justice sometimes.

MrSG and I have aligned weekends with our kids, which does really help. He has his on a night during the week that I have DS2 too. It would be much tougher with mismatched schedules.

Unusually the weather here is pretty good today @SimonJT. Enjoy your not-really-a-lunch with MrNoName.

The early days are definitely tough @CassandraGemini. It’s so hard not to overthink everything and just go with it.

At least you don’t feel like swiping. That is a good sign. I think there are always going to be doubts and niggles, real or imagined. A few more dates should help you work out which they are.

Feeling bit more relaxed now, just had a really nice message from her.
Think a couple of days between the dates will help me take a step back and reflect calmly.

@shitwithsugaron Hope everything went OK last night.

@Ant330 Think a couple of days between the dates will help me take a step back and reflect calmly. Best of luck with that when you're in the "I can't get them off my mind" phase...

@CassandraGemini I can't not overinvest. I wear my heart on my sleeve and I'm all in - if that's too much, they're not the guy for me. I can't pretend to be someone I'm not - actually I could, but that's a road to nowhere and becomes exhausting quite quickly!

@SimonJT I'm always impressed by your lunch time assignations.

@lifegoes Have you arranged a date with MrHumm yet? Glad you've got the spark.

@Notcoolmum How are you today lovely?

@JeSuisPrest yeah all arranged for next week. 🥰

ant so pleased for you

And you shitwith

simon I also enjoy reading about your lunchtime shenanigans 😁

shitwith very pleased your chat with MrB went well
jesuis tell me about it, struggling to concentrate on work today I know that! And can relate to you wearing your heart on your sleeve. I had every intention of taking it slow/playing it cool, and have failed miserably (but in a nice way 😂)
lifegoes yay date next week 🙌

Loo update: poor bloke is shaking

LooUpdate apart from the nerves, what's he like? Is it worth trying to get him to relax?
I thought I was nervous last night, but not that bad, poor bloke

Oh god @LooUpdate poor him. And poor you trying to put him at ease...

Lovely to hear good news from @Ant330 and @shitwithsugaron
You do have to invest something.

@CassandraGemini Hmmmm that's the trouble with OLD you always think there might be someone better out there. I think once you've been doing it for a while you get over that kid in a sweatshop thing.

@lifegoes So pleased you've found your spark. Hope @30somethingandsingleagain Has seen that because it's good to know it can happen again when you're feeling really off the whole thing.

@LilyRose88 I suspect something going on with him. Still depressing though.

I'm firmly back on the smitten bench. Mr U came over late last night and we spent the day together and I'm totally loved up again. I think he always has been it was me that was wondering what the point of it is. But I guess the point of it is he makes me feel happy inside. Oh and the sex bit is good. He also offered support to me. Not that I can accept it. But just knowing it's there is enough. Although he's pretty bloody useless so I'm not sure what he could do!

Similarly to @shiteithsugaron I think sometimes you have to have these wobbles to move things on.

Hello all,

Out of curiosity, would you be ok with a FWB sleeping with others, or would you expect something exclusive?

Thanks crustaceans yeah I’ve seen him 5 times but schedules are tough as I have every other weekend and he has kids Saturdays. I didn’t message Wednesday at all and he sent a hello stranger message yesterday. Cassandra the once every 2 weeks does not work for me. I’ve been messaged by a guy never married and no kids who seems really quite appealing with lack of baggage! What a minefield

Ant wow you move on fast!

Shit IRL related to DD means I'm going to have to give up on OLD, indeed all dating, for the foreseeable . Given my age this almost certainly means my chance now of finding a proper relationship before I die is zero, unless I hook up with one of her medical professionals I guess. I'm so gutted in every possible way. But good luck to everyone on here, you are awesome and deserve the best . Remember the rules and always be kind.

I’m glad the chat went well @shitwithsugaron.

Glad you’re back on the smitten bench, @Peanuthedz. I find the way you describe MrU hilarious sometimes: ‘he's pretty bloody useless so I'm not sure what he could do’ 😂. It’s great that he’s supportive.

Personally, @Shelly111, I think once you’re asking for exclusivity, you’re into the realms of a relationship (rather than FWB).

Oh, @CassettesAreCool. I’m sorry to hear that things are so difficult with your DD. I hope it gets a bit easier soon.

Although I would say that you should never write yourself off for a relationship. You hear of people who meet in the late 70s and have lovely relationships. It really is never too late.