Dating thread 161: (Can anybody find me) somebody to love..?

[Sunshineandflipflops]

The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.

1. Develop a thick skin.
2. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
3. It's all BS until it actually happens.
4. Trust your gut instinct.
5. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
6. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
7. If it's not fun, stop.
8. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread?watched=1

@ccgirr have you set the limit?

Good luck on your date with Mr Humm lifegoes. I am rooting for you to have a good date. You definitely deserve it.

I've unhid my profiles and had a half hearted swipe. I'm just looking for a bit of chat and distraction really. But inspired by jesuis and shitwith who got back on the saddle and ended up with wonderful sounding relationships.

Yeah I have life goes but it seems to ignore it! Anyway I like the bumble profiles more somehow.. don’t know how or why I’m looking but mr races busy this weekend and I don’t want a pen pal! Maybe it shows he’s not right

lifegoes lol! No he used to be an eBay Powerseller back in the day.

@Notcoolmum thank you. He makes me smile already. But need to remember the rules.

@ccgirr grrrrr that's annoying, not a fan of POF mind. I do prefer bumble over them all and I never thought I would. It does no harm looking.

@LooUpdate phewwwwewwww. I'm not a fan of salesman in energy 🤦🏻‍♀️

@Ant330 hope things go well - that's a very familiar 2nd date feeling ! Had to laugh at your previous date with the thousands of messages. Maybe one was mine given our similar ages and locations  Your story with your ex and DS was eerily familiar too. I've also tried to steer a happy course, but the prevailing winds have been tough at times.

Hi to @Misty9 and @AverageGuy and err someone else whose name I forgot .. @Arley ! it's come back to me now.

And sorry about that strange reversal @LilyRose88 , I feel sure you'll get there.

@Crustaceans that's horrible to read. Really pleased that you are in such a better place now.

Interesting all the characterisations of previous relationships as being like imprisonment. It kind of touched a still raw nerve with me because that was what ex- screamed at into my face one time when it felt like all I ever did was bend over backwards to salvage the relationship. Hmm, perceptions eh ? Well my wisdom now tells me it probably was a prison for both of us.

No news from me, trying to get a next date off the ground while stifling worries that a delay would cause a critical loss of momentum.

When a bloke writes "looking for a respectful lady" in his profile, wtf is he on?

@LooUpdate I spoke to a male friend of mine and he showed me his tinder. I was astonished at the amount of women who were sending pictures, all about sex. Asking how big he was. They were just opening messages. And majority over the age of 35.

So I often think they get similar to him when they've put that on

@lifegoes Wow, really?!
Mr Art also said that on Bumble it's clear which women are only after some 'fun' as their pics are body shots. So much the same as men!

How do people manage dating when they are a single parent and only have every other weekend off?

Well my wisdom now tells me it probably was a prison for both of us.

That is probably true. I think even my ex thought of it that way (but any situation where he doesn’t just get exactly what he wants all the time is intolerable to him).

I think it can be harder to coordinate diaries right at the start of anything @ccgirr. It may be a good sign that someone has a other things to do planned which might make coordinating things for a first or second date tricky. After that they might start prioritising time with you over other things.

MrSG and I chatted for a couple of weeks before we managed to meet up. We were both busy and it wasn’t easy to find a time to meet. And then I went away for a week to visit a friend. But it’s never really been a problem since we decided we definitely liked each other, and wanted to make plans around each other.

So it might be slightly premature to write Mr Races off yet. Obviously none of us wants a of pen pal but a busy diary at the start isn’t always indicative of that. It’s hard though because there are plenty of time wasters out there. And also issues where genuinely your lifestyles aren’t going to match.

The fact that men get unwanted sex talk too goes to show that OLD is just as depressing and crap sometimes, whether you’re a man or woman @lifegoes. It would probably be best if those only interested in sex would restrict themselves to fab and leave the actual dating apps alone.

Hope the second date went well @Ant330.

@mumhasanicebum It's tricky! I have EOW and every Tuesday child free so a bit more time than you but it does mean if I'm dating someone I then lose that free time to do things for me.

Do you have anyone who can babysit one evening in the week?

@Sunshineandflipflops I don't live near family atm, so I don't have anyone in the week to help and my ex husband only wants the kids EOW (nothing more and nothing less). I've been chatting to a lovely guy and he wants to meet up, but so far it's my weekend with the kids this weekend and the weekend after he is away. I would prefer to meet him and figure out if I actually like him rather than spending weeks just talking on the phone before even meeting.

@mumhasanicebum is it poss to meet up for a quick coffee on lunch hour?

mumhas it’s hard, my kids are with me almost all the time, they go to their dads every Sunday for 5 hours but never stay over for the night. Finding time to date is hard. My dc’s are getting older and I can leave them in the evening to go for a meal or a drink but it makes it tricky with overnight stays and I think this is often why men lose interest.

I hate that (some) men get to pick and chose how little they see their kids. Women don't usually get a choice in the matter and that's wrong. Have you told him you need some time out too and that kids need to see their dad more than eow?
I'm sure you have...it just makes me so angry that man get to lead the single life with little impact and women have to limit themselves to being mum and nothing else.

I know @Sunshineandflipflops I was gobsmacked. Although I don't know why I would just think men only did it. 🤷🏻‍♀️

I agree @Crustaceans

@mumhasanicebum

It’s tricky, I normally get one friday night/saturday day time a month ‘off’, I have just been lucky that recently my cousin has had a bit of time off so she has had him more. Plus we live and work fairly close to each other so we can meet in the day for lunch. My next free fri/sat is in three weeks.

I'm lucky in that my DC are both adults. I see them as much as I can, but they have a better social life than I do...

In theory, I have most evenings and weekends free, but have tended to fill them up with non-dating related stuff, so mi diary is pretty packed!

I think dating was easier for me because DS1 is old enough to babysit (he’s 19 now). So ex’s contact schedule wasn’t really a concern. It also helped that it was the start of the summer holidays when I met MrSG and DS2 was on holiday with ex. So I had time to myself.

That said, my awful ex has tried to be controlling to stop me going out. He has DS overnight EOW but picks him up from school, has dinner with him, takes him to training and then drops him home twice a week. A couple of times I went out for dinner and left DS1 to do the handover/put DS2 to bed. The next time ex started messaging claiming that I ‘needed’ to be in because DS2 gets upset if I’m not there when he’s dropped off. I checked with both my sons and it’s a total lie (DS2 loves hanging out with DS1, and vice versa). So ex was just being manipulative and controlling. Hardly a surprise.

My ex doesn't want me dating and still wants me back (it's been two years now). If I ever ask him to help out for half term or after school he wants to know what i'm doing with that time. My kids are 4 and 7 so it's hard leaving them. I'm trying to move back to my home town so I have more help with my parents. Lunch is only half hour, so really not enough time.

That sounds hard @mumhasanicebum.

I’m pretty sure that my ex does not in any way want me back. Nonetheless, he does not like the fact I’ve moved on and I’m dating. Hence the bullshit attempts to stop me going out during the week.

I think mostly, he’s unhappy that I’ve moved on but he’s been less successful. He might be seeing someone (I wouldn’t know or care) but he’s so awful I doubt it would last. I’m certain that he was seeing someone at the end of our relationship but I think it ended. I would not be at all surprised if he’s totally miffed that his dream that millions of young women would be clambouring over each other to get to him didn’t come true. And, to make things worse, I’ve moved on to someone both better looking and (much) better paid than him. 😂 The latter will hurt his ego the most.

Do you have any friends in a similar situation? You could become each others’ babysitting pool.

Or could you organise both children to have sleep overs with their friends occasionally? Logistically it’s tough to coordinate, but it can be done.

So much for taking it slow and not overinvesting! 2 dates in and I think I really like this one, I'm now panicking for no reason expecting a WA message saying she doesn't want to see me again.

Need to get a grip!
Anyway the nerves disappeared pretty quickly last night and the date was fantastic

I’m so glad it was a fantastic second date @Ant330.

I think it’s important to invest a bit. Otherwise you’ll never have an actual relationship. The thing is to not invest before you’ve actually met the person and established that you like each other.

It sounds very much like you do. 😀