Dating thread 161: (Can anybody find me) somebody to love..?

[Sunshineandflipflops]

The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.

1. Develop a thick skin.
2. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
3. It's all BS until it actually happens.
4. Trust your gut instinct.
5. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
6. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
7. If it's not fun, stop.
8. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread?watched=1

Sorry myold I wrote that hours ago then posted it just now without RTFT. If he’s new to OLD, how come he’s changed his WA settings? To me that rings of experienced OLDers. There do seem to be mixed messages with this one - but no harm just meeting anyway?

Just back from a rained off sporting hobby. My only chance to speak to an adult this weekend. Outlook is the same for tomorrow, so we're all on standby for the morning. 😠 Before I went, I thought your iron might be married, MyOldBrain. The reluctance to commit to a date, the blurry profile photo, deleting his profile as soon as he found someone to talk to. It should be easy at this stage, shouldn't it? Not that I'm a relationship expert!! 😂

MyOldBrain there are quite a few potential red flags there but it could all be innocent. I have become so jaded and cynical since I have been doing OLD. Sometimes it is worth taking a step back and thinking whether you want to meet him based on his personality and looks. If he has some redeeming feature then maybe he is worth a date, as long as it is not too inconvenient for you. I tend to ask guys to meet me quite locally is I am not sure, to save the hassle of travelling too far and being disappointed (did I mention that I am getting jaded and cynical!)

What is the etiquette if you have forgotten your date's name? I really can't remember Mr Mystery's name except I think it begins with R. Should I just admit to it or wait and see how the date goes and only admit to it if we have a second date?

@MrDrummer That sounds quite positive. Maybe calling it a 'date' was a bit too much pressure for her but would like to see how it goes.

I've had a lovely afternoon nap after my late night/early start (what child free weekends were made for) and am
Really looking forward to the gig tomorrow. Admittedly I am looking forward to spending more time with Mr SAS but I genuinely enjoy his company and today felt really relaxed without the undercurrent of trying to impress him. Still hot though...

@Sunshineandflipflops You are playing with fire and you know it you naughty girl!🔥🔥😂

@JeSuisPrest Yes, I am but at least I know it and have no-one to blame but myself 😂

@Sunshineandflipflops As my dear old mum says "If you cant be good, be careful!" Have fun, you only live once. 😉👍

Sorry not contributing anything to anyone else.

I think you are right peanutz - he very likely was in a strop but to be fair, I didn't elaborate how low I was feeling last Sat. When I explained the next day and suggested a break, he didn't want to know. That's why I feel angry. It's also brought back my feelings of anger about MrGardener ghosting me. I feel so lonely and worthless right now. Another w/e crying into my wine glass.

Hey @MrDrummer you missed a conversation where the men described their underwear if you feel like contributing

well done for seizing the moment, you are a lovely man and as long as you don't do any of the things we've warned you about she'll see that (e.g. Not eating, drinking water, expecting her to pay half). Don't worry about Miss Lingua, she is unlikely to give the reason for you breaking up assuming she feels bad about her past. Also - and I mean this kindly - could I suggest you get a cleaner in case things work out with Miss Aqua?

Actually scrap the bit about expecting her to pay half, it isn't a 'date' so you are within your rights to expect her to pay half. Perhaps you say 'I'll get the first round' to set expectations at the start.

Update on my cancelled date.
I suspected that he might be married. He hasn't said that he's new to OLD but I've been around so long and I haven't seen him before. But I don't know if either of those scenarios are true.

Anyway, I thought about whether I wanted to meet him - ignoring the potential red flags. And decided no. He's younger than me and has young children. But mostly importantly, he seems to be lacking a sense of humour.

So I messaged him to say thanks for explaining about his work and why he had deleted his profile. Added that on reflection I didn't think we would be a good match. And wished him well.

His reply "I knew from the start you thought we weren't a good match. You thought you were better than me. I'm glad I didn't waste too much of my time on you."

Sometimes you need to listen to gut instinct. And this thread.

@StealthNinjaMum Can I ask why a man should expect a women to lay half? I always have and feel more comfortable doing so.
Actually, the only rime I haven't was brunch today with Mr SAS and that wasn't even a date but I'll return the favour tomorrow.

Sorry, that should say "shouldn't pay half"

I think a man who wants a relationship with a women likes to get the drinks in,at least for the first round or two. That's what I've found anyway. Leads the way to the bar and orders.
I always offer on round two!

I think I like a man getting the first round in, and then offering a 2nd. Which I always refuse and get it myself. I don't know why this is, I have a decent paying job in an all Male industry where I have to strike out as a feminist every day?!
@MyOldBrainStoppedWorking good you trusted your gut instinct 💐
@LilyRose88 waiting with bated breath to hear how your date goes with MrUnknownName..

@Sunshineandflipflops I was kind of joking about on an earlier thread where I think mrdrummer expected the woman to pay for something and there was some awkwardness but I can't remember the details.

As a woman I would always offer to pay half but let the man pay if he insists. I think on a date you should try to avoid awkwardness and if that means letting the man pay I let him pay.

Ah, ok 😄
Sorry, the feminist in me can't help it sometimes!
Having said that, I was in a meeting yesterday and the receptionist came in with a big bunch of flowers for the woman I was meeting and they were from her boyfriend and I was very envious. I buy my own flowers but I wouldn't mind a surprise delivery once in a while...or even just once...😭

@Sunshineandflipflops I used to work somewhere where a girl was dating a florist and every Friday for the 5years I was there, she got a massive bouquet of flowers sent to the office. She never seemed to look that impressed though....

@MyOldBrainStoppedWorking what a horrible man, lucky escape for you.

Well that was not a good date. As soon as I saw him my heart sunk as I realised there would be zero chemistry. Plus he said he was 13 years younger than me but he looked at least 10 years older than his stated age. He was also really boring. I did find out his name as he mentioned it. I managed to get away as I said I hadn't eaten and wanted to go home. He muttered about going out for a meal and I said maybe another time. It was all very awkward. I am very glad that I am home now.

LilyRose88 that's disappointing. At least you solved the mystery of his name.
Have you heard from him since the date?

That's ok @Sunshineandflipflops I am a feminist too - although a feminist who gave up work to look after her Sen child. So I can either let mr Runner pay when we go out or my ex husband. I hate that it's always a man that pays in my case.

Oh @LilyRose88 I'm sorry it was so crap.

I know this is a regular theme of this thread but honestly why lie about your age when it's so obvious? Does he not wonder why he never gets a second date?

@MyOldBrainStoppedWorking I have only been home half an hour so I wouldn't expect to hear from him yet. He turned up wearing a scruffy bobbly jumper and old baggy jeans, which was a bit of a surprise as he has a very good job and seems to have a good lifestyle. We must have looked quite an odd couple as I was all dressed up .

I am so relieved to be back home on my sofa watching Netflix. Quite a contrast from my date with Ms PT last night where we chatted away for ages and got on really well. I'm still not sure whether I want a relationship with her though. She said that she is happy to be friends and see where it leads.