Dating thread 161: (Can anybody find me) somebody to love..?

[Sunshineandflipflops]

The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.

1. Develop a thick skin.
2. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
3. It's all BS until it actually happens.
4. Trust your gut instinct.
5. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
6. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
7. If it's not fun, stop.
8. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread?watched=1

@shitwithsugaron It's his penance for the "I love you so much I have to sleep on top of you and crush you to death whilst I'm pissed" incident of a couple of weeks ago. He's already said he'll cook breakfast before we go - he doesn't like foreign rubbish - he's talking about Devon, not Sweden

• Whoops - meant to say sorry - haven't caught up with this in a while and read everyone's messages. But it looks like some of you are having fun!

I just went online again this weekend and got a few matches on Bumble. I am thinking of dipping my toe back in again - just needed to sort out some life issues and I think I'm almost there. Anyone else feel that you have to have everything else in your life going swimmingly well before online dating?

@midcenturylegs - Nah - OLD always gave me a nice distraction from the shit storm that is my life!

Ooh more ikea visiting. It definitely must be love.

I’ve been to ikea with MrSG. We survived. And only bought what we actually wanted, amazingly. There were no meatballs involved though because of the kids’ dietary issues.

You have to cross the river to get to ikea here. And the locals seem to think that’s like going to the moon. 😂

Is Ikea THE new relationship milestone? I had better get with the times.

I think IKEA might be more significant than a marriage proposal. 😂

I've yet to make it to Ikea with anyone, apart from my ex husband and that didn't end so well. I don't think that was anything to do with Ikea though and definitely more to do with his penchant for a younger woman.

I think there are a few things that should be compulsory prerequisites for cohabitation.

Visiting Ikea.

Building flatpack furniture.

Taking a flight together thus having to navigate security, a foreign country etc.

Being unwell and requiring some TLC.

That would sort the wheat from the chaff!

Apologies for butting in, and being a bit of a kill joy, but can I mention a couple of things posted here as it might be helpful, especially given my own experience:

1. To be fair if she had anything you would already have it too
   Sorry but this is incorrect. Some STIs are more difficult to catch than others and you can have unprotected sex with them many times without catching anything – even years in the case of HIV. So never rely on just yourself getting tested.

2. I thought that you could only catch something through oral sex if the genitalia in question had an open sore (herpes), or if one or other of you were bleeding/ had broken skin (AIDS)? Happy to be corrected on this though...

By AIDS I guess you mean HIV (AIDS is the name for a group of illnesses that untreated HIV can lead to whereas HIV is the virus). As far as oral goes, saliva renders the virus unable to infect but can be passed on via really excessive mouth bleeding (google meth mouth – warning not pretty) - so really pretty difficult.

3. As mentioned STIs have window periods where they will not show up on a test. It’s always best to test at least 1 month after the last time you had unprotected sex.
4. Someone who refuses to get tested should be a massive red flag, especially if they then insist they are “clean” – I so hate that word!
5. This might sound stupid, but just because you’ve known someone for a while and at the start were using condoms, but because you “know” them now and think they “wouldn’t be the type” you think you can ditch the condoms – please still both get tested before you do so. Most people have no idea they have an STI as every one can show no symptoms whatsoever.

@HIVpos Hi and thank you so much for your input. Not a killjoy at all, I think it's so important to be as well informed about sexual health as possible.

Thanks @Sunshineandflipflops it's all stuff I never expected to know in such detail until I dipped my toe back into dating one year after I got divorced - with in my case pretty disastrous consequences! I just don't want anyone else in the same boat if possible

@HIVpos Please don't answer if you don't feel comfortable but did you have any reason not to trust the person who you contracted HIV from?

That's a really good question @Sunshineandflipflops but as she's said @HIVpos don't feel bound to answer that at all - it's been great enough that you've shared your story.

Thanks @midcenturylegs - yes I did share my story on MN a couple of years back - here if anyone's interested: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/2942589-Getting-back-in-the-saddle-and-HIV

@Sunshineanflipflops I've been asked that a few times. sorry but can't answer that, though it's normal that you'd wonder. Suffice to say I know what I have (and that due to testing and great treatment I have nothing that I can pass on to anyone else). I'd also say that anyone I date in future, before any unprotected sex I'd get us both tested with the results given togethe at a clinic if possible

Sorry, still not read the thread.

So, what happened with MrWow and I! I was supposed to see him Sat eve but felt really low during the day and msg him to say I wanted to give it a miss. He still wanted to come round. I said no. Went back and forth. Ended up with me telling him to do one. The next day I asked if we could just take a break, give my hormones chance to settle and then see each other again. But, oh no! Apparently I'd obviously gone off him and was missing 'swiping on dating sites'. That's the brief version.
I'm sad and angry. How someone could tell me they loved me but dismiss me so easily. It's like he's actually relieved I told him it's over.
There's obviously more detail to this but no point going over it. He left some stuff at mine so I told him I've put it in a bag outside for him to pick up whenever he wanted as I don't want to see him again. I honestly think I'd smack him!!
I'm not going back on the apps for now. After the last few blokes I've dated and the way they have acted, I'm feeling pretty jaded and broken hearted.

Ohhh @TooOldForThis67 I'm sorry to hear this. I obv don't know the full story and something more must have been said.

Honestly from what you've said, I would be upset if someone wanted to take a break and I would think they weren't interested in me. ESP after just saying they didn't want to see me the night before.

I'm sorry to hear this tooold, I don't know what was said and like lifegoes said, probably more than you can share here, but I do agree with her....I think i'd be pretty upset if someone didn't want to see me, then asked for a break etc....I think it'd make me quite suspicious and insecure?

I’m so sorry you’re feeling this way @TooOldForThis67.

It sounds difficult and I can’t help but wonder how much of it is hormone/MH related. It doesn’t sound like he managed to be as supportive as you needed, but I do agree with @lifegoes that he probably felt hurt when you said you wanted to take a break.

I do hope the hormones calm down a bit soon, as it sounds like you’re having a really dreadful time.

MrSG and I have completed your list, @Sidge.

He’s a bit like a cat when unwell though; his instincts are to hide away. 😂 I’m not much better though.

Well Mr Climber has just been round and I told him, and he said he didn't feel the same and he's sorry if he led me on. I feel really bloody shit about it but it's life innit. At least I know now and I can move on. :( :( :(

@falaff Ahhhh, sorry mate, that is poo. But yes, a definitive answer really helps to just close a chapter and move on..

Yeah. I mean I couldn't cope with the shit communication anyway. I said I still wanted to be friends but I'm gonna pull back a bit. I have pretty strong feelings for him and it's kinda heartbreaking.

Just feel really down and dejected, dating is so hard, everyone else seems to find it so easy and I just can't cope with the rejection. I'm really scared of being alone, I find it very difficult being single.

for tooold and falaff this dating stuff can be such an emotional roller-coaster

I feel like I probably won't get a date all summer I've literally looked at every single profile in 100 mile radius.
Met 3 or 4 new people in a couple of months.
Nothing clicked. Or time wasting.
There's no point having new conversations I don't think anybody wants a serious connection.