Dating thread 161: (Can anybody find me) somebody to love..?

[Sunshineandflipflops]

The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.

1. Develop a thick skin.
2. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
3. It's all BS until it actually happens.
4. Trust your gut instinct.
5. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
6. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
7. If it's not fun, stop.
8. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread?watched=1

@JeSuisPrest Exactly. We're not seeing each other any more but I'm just not comfortable booking both tickets. if he doesn't want to either then I guess we don't go.

@Sunshineandflipflops definitely don't book the tickets yourself unless he transfers the money to you beforehand. I am not on a tight budget but I got landed with tickets for a couple of things and a hotel booking when Mr Tiler dumped me and it was annoying as I couldn't use them on my own. It definitely increased my feeling of resentment at the time!

It's a tricky one as as someone has to book them both!

Another thing...third date with Mr Art tomorrow. Do I tell him who I'm going with? As in the guy I was seeing just before I met him? OR do I just say " a friend" and be cagey if he asks?

@mrdrummer @ant330 raises a good point about her getting attached to you. Before you left us (never do that again!!!) she'd been funny about you buying her an Easter egg and had commented on the clutter in your house and I did wonder if she was getting the feels. Maybe she thought you had met someone else and didn't like that thought.

@Sunshineandflipflops is there any reason you can't see Fleetwood Mac on your own? I agree you shouldn't pay for Mr SAS but given your question about what to tell Mr Art I wonder if you're not better off just blocking Mr SAS.

In terms of what to tell Mr Art I always reverse the question 'how would I feel if I were Mr Art?' If it were me and I discovered Mr Runner was seeing a band with a recent ex I would be insecure especially if he kept it hidden or seemed cagey. I think there is often that paranoid stage where you're super aware of when the person you like vanishes from whatsapp or doesn't say who they're going out with and given that Mr SAS has been a c* don't give him the chance to fuck up your next relationship.

I'm shocked that anybody refuses to go for an STI test if they're considering having unprotected sex, or refuses to wear condoms. If I've ever got to that point in a relationship with anybody, we've both gone and got checked out beforehand.

no sunshine, I would just say a friend definitely. No point making your life any more complicated!

sunshine if it was me, I wouldn't say anything unless he asks. BUT, if he does, then tell him the truth- give him an abbreviated version of what you've told us here.

@StealthNinjaMum I just like company and to share the experience of live music with someone else. Plus, it's in London, which is a 2 hour drive and one I wouldn't want to do on my own and he has offered to drive.

I'll just say a friend. He doesn't know MrSAS's name anyway.

Taking Stealth's suggestion one step further Sunshine would MrArt want to go and see FM with you?
I know you've kind of agreed to go with MrSAS but you owe him nothing.

Another good date last night, number 4.
She came to mine for dinner and it was lovely, conversations flows so easily.
We've done the physical side back-to-front and ended up in bed on dates 1 and 2, but have exercised some willpower on 3 and 4.
That was easy whilst having Sunday lunch in a restaurant, but not so easy last night.
Still trying not to get carried away as it's early days, but that's a challenge as well

To be fair if she had anything you would already have it too, so you might as well have tested yourself and kept quiet about it unless you tested positive for anything. She may be (incorrectly) thinking that you’ve been with someone else, but it isn’t an excuse to be arsey and if she was thinking that surely she would get herself tested.

It’s not impossible, but it’s harder to catch anything from oral, I’ve never caught anything, which is a feat in itself. Thats not vagina though, no idea if it’s easier to catch anything from a vagina.

Having sex with someone and not knowing their STI status is however very risky, next time please say no without a test. Lots of places do instant tests where you can find out all your results in about twenty minutes.

I do think an exclusive FWB is a bit odd though, to me that’s more relationship like or “I don’t really want you, but no one else can have you either”.

I thought that you could only catch something through oral sex if the genitalia in question had an open sore (herpes), or if one or other of you were bleeding/ had broken skin (AIDS)? Happy to be corrected on this though...

and never forget that there are always STIs that you can pick up, test or no test (like herpes, which can remain hidden so you can pick it up from someone even if the person has no symptoms)

simon your posts do make me chuckle :)

no, the herpes virus can shed even when you don't have the sores - it's basically pot luck. And a lot of people don't even know they have it.

(and you can catch it from sex even if you are using condoms - it's just one of those things)

@Ant330 Glad date number 4 went well. Can I ask why you are exercising self control at this point?

Re: going to FM with Mr Art, I don't feel i'm 'there' with him yet (if I get there at all). He's a nice guy but since dtd earlier this week, most of his messages have become quite sexualised and I'm no prude but it would be nice to talk about other stuff...
With Mr SAS, it's very easy to spend time with him. I guess I just know him better and am more comfortable with him and he can drive and has a car, which are also big factors!

Thats not vagina though

Quote of the thread so far

Sunshine yeah I think we both wanted to confirm that there is more to it than just the physical side. Normal service will be resumed on Saturday 😂
It was a good choice (if challenging after dinner) as we had a lovely evening, good conversation followed by lots of snogging, and plans made for next week as well.

@Ant330 It's nice isn't it? There's been the odd time when MrC and I have just gone to bed and done nothing other than cuddle up and it's lovely - knowing that we've got more than DTD keeping us together. Trip to Ikea planned for Sunday - he's such a country lad, yet he's leaving the safety of Cornwall and driving to deepest darkest Devon to walk around his idea of hell on earth with me . It must be love

@sunshineandflipflops I wouldn't worry about how it sounds - you 2 aren't an item so you just do what you need to to protect yourself...as you said, you're a single mum. You can't afford to rely on someone who may not be reliable

JeSuis yeah it's lovely! Mind you having exercised willpower last night our messaging today is all focused on one theme, and I wonder whether we're going to see the outside of our hotel at the weekend! Meh it's probably going to rain anyway 😂
MrC clearly just wants to be with you, doesn't matter what you're doing or where. Sounds great 👌

@MrDrummer can I rename misseasteregg missheadfuck? She's too much and spins it back on you leaving you wondering what you did wrong? Stis aside if I can actually write that, what about the risk of pregnancy?

I think you were too kind to not insist on a test before going protection free in any event. If she refused to be tested before going protection free she's putting yours and her health at risk

You didn't do anything wrong. You were in a no win situation and I hope in time you'll be glad to be out of it.

Hmmm I am with others in that I'd be really cross if 2.5 months in to a relationship (isn't an exclusive FBW all that but by name?) someone all of a sudden suggested using contraception and being tested etc. It'd be a red flag to me.

@Notcoolmum and @TooOldForThis67 - so sorry things have ended this way for you both.. :-(

Sorry - haven't caught up with this in a while,