Dating thread 161: (Can anybody find me) somebody to love..?

[Sunshineandflipflops]

The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.

1. Develop a thick skin.
2. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
3. It's all BS until it actually happens.
4. Trust your gut instinct.
5. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
6. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
7. If it's not fun, stop.
8. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread?watched=1

@MyOldBrainStoppedWorking I've paid for two "sessions" with Match. I'm in the south east and got one date from each subscription. No better or worse than the free ones as far as I could see. Interestingly, when my subscription ended, I logged in to see if there was anyone worth renewing for, and wouldn't you know it, I watched the number of views my profile had soar into triple figures! Cynical me reckons it's a marketing ploy to lure you in. Also, you don't know who's paid up and who isn't so you could be wasting time messaging someone who can never message you back. I've deleted my profile now. I wouldn't say never again, but I wouldn't expect much from it.

@mumhasanicebum They're testing your boundaries - seeing if you'll play along with them or slap them down and say you're not into that sort of messaging before you've even met. It will go one of 2 ways - tell them to stop it - they may ghost you (no loss there). Tell them to stop it and they do but carry on chatting normally - you've set your standards and they know you've got the confidence to tell them where to get off if they overstep the mark.

OK. Just had a message that his car needs a part and won't be ready, so how about next week instead? I have been nothing but lovely and understanding in my reply, despite wanting to do the opposite. I don't want to be taken for a mug, but I have enough healthy cynicism to not be surprised if it keeps happening at which point I'll do a Deborah Meaden and say, "I'm out."

I had a thought earlier. It seems that the lovely men on this thread have found lovely women relatively easily, whereas the lovely women here are struggling!!

If MyOldBrainStoppedWorking lives near me and LilyRose88 we should meet up! Hope that doesn't count as "dating the thread"!! 😂

Match seemed to promote new members and those at end of their subscription. They must feature you more frequently in their mail outs or in the 100 'random' selections provided every day. When I asked very distant women about why and how they found my profile it was because of the emails.

@NestOfSwipers Is this the first time he's cancelled or the second?

@NestOfSwipers I'm hoping you're including me I haven't found it easy but I guess I haven't spilled it all out on the thread as most of it took place before I joined. I did mention one situation where I was postponed/cancelled 4 times before I took the hint. Like you, I was being very understanding ...

I mentioned the numbers game already, but since start of the year, I had maybe half a dozen conversations and two that led to dates, one where I liked her but not enough like that, and one who is bloody awesome.

@mumhasanicebum tbh when I was on the apps I just disregarded anyone who attempted any form of sex chat. Like you I'm no prude in fact I'm a complete slut when I'm with the right person.but I find sex chat with strangers on the internet about as enthralling as the colour of Donald Trumps socks. It also says to me that they're clearly out there sex chatting anyone who will entertain it which is a bit sad and desperate and a big turn off. Certainly not a quality I looked for in a man anyway, more what I'd expect from a 15 year old boy wanking into a sock. I usually told them that ^ or sent the sleepy emoji and not reply any further!!
I even ended up having in my profile "I have no interest in hearing about your genitals or what you want to do with them so if you're incapable of holding a conversation without referencing your penis then I'm not the girl for you" or something along those lines !!

@JeSuisPrest he didn't stop it so I told him i'm not interested and blocked after he sent me GIFs of people shagging. This are grown mid thirties men acting like 18 yea olds. I find it so off putting.

@wishywashy6 love that line, I might have to nick that

@HairyArsedMan of course you're included! You can string a coherent sentence together... 😍

@Sunshineandflipflops go on your own if you want to see them?

@Sunshineandflipflops I saw Fleetwood Mac at the O2 in 2013 and they were amazing so I totally understand why you want to go!

I’m probably not the right person to advise as I went to see Rocketman with my ex last week “as mates” 🤦🏼‍♀️ but I’d say go, retain those strong boundaries and DON’T GO HOME WITH HIM. I mean, if it were just a drink in the pub or a local gig I’d say don’t do it, but this is Fleetwood Mac !

At a risk of sounding deluded, I do think sometimes we need to grab opportunities with both hands. I’m in healthcare and am a little fatalistic when it comes to life as I see it cut short suddenly and unexpectedly far too often. I would hate to see you hurt again and I think MrSAS has the potential to hurt you again hence why we’re all going “nooooooo”. BUT if you can go to the gig as mates then I would go. Just be cautious (and don’t drink lol).

@JeSuisPrest no, this is the first time he's cancelled. We matched two weeks ago so he's had thinking time! He has suggested next week as he's visiting his parents this weekend for Father's Day.

@mumhasanicebum feel free!
I don't know what planet these guys come from where they think it makes them even remotely desirable to start banging on about their dick to strangers on the internet 🤷🏼‍♀️
Like yes, we all know you have one pumpkin but shhh 🤫

Any other guys on the thread on POF?

The number of fake profiles on there is astounding! I'm getting lots of "hey there" type messages from women who are ( or appear from there pictures to be) way out of my league, and who appear to live 100's of miles away, which are then followed up by an invitation to click on a link..

Er, no thanks....

I don't know what planet these guys come from

Neither do I frankly, but given how prevalent it clearly is I think it is safe to say that it must be a successful strategy for finding what/who they want. I have read somewhere that a significant proportion of the dirty texting brigade (both sexes) are only on the apps for that with no intention of doing anything else.

At least it's an obvious and easy filter (though unpleasant) to weed out that sort.

Yes I found the same AverageGuy seems to be all bots. Stock images of scantily clad women used on multiple 'profiles' with urls for other websites.
I always ignored the likes or messages for 24 hours, the fake/spam/bot stuff all disappears after a few hours.
But ignoring all the crap that's on there stick with it, although we'd already met IRL the woman I'm seeing now messaged me via POF so you won't hear me knocking it too much 😂

@Sunshineandflipflops

I would go, if it’s standing you could just ‘lose’ him in the crowd. You won’t know if you can be friends until you give it a go. Saying that, ex 1 and I agreed to go back to being friends and definitely nothing else, that was almost three years ago and we’ve ended up as FWB whenever I’m single.

So probably not the best person to be advising.

Thanks all. Mr Art and I have said that we'd like to see each other again too so that complicates things a bit more but I don't think after 2/3 dates he needs to know who I'm (potentially) going to the gig with.

NestOfSwipers and MyOldBrain yes let's meet up and we can compare notes about our previous and current irons and commiserate with each other about the lack of available men in our area and age group.

Feeling left out here guys...

@Sunshineand flipflops I think Nest and Myold live near me which is why we are talking about meeting up. We live in the south but you are welcome to join us if you are close.

I'm just joking...I'm midlands anyway.

Thanks Ant I'll stick with it. Do the women get the same issue?

Counting the hours...

Off to Portugal for a long weekend tonight. Bit of a boys weekend, so I'm not completely enamoured, as I don't really drink, and they can get a bit rowdy, but I need a break...

Maybe I'll try swiping over there!