Dating thread 161: (Can anybody find me) somebody to love..?

[Sunshineandflipflops]

The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.

1. Develop a thick skin.
2. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
3. It's all BS until it actually happens.
4. Trust your gut instinct.
5. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
6. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
7. If it's not fun, stop.
8. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread?watched=1

I can sidle like a pro @Sidge

@MrDrummer! You just couldn't keep away from us! Glad you're back.

Sidling is very underrated. Might be worth adding to your profile @MrDrummer 😉

Hope you’re not too bruised.

@Sunshineandflipflops You should block Mr SAS! He has nothing to add

Didn't realise you had pegged a Mr Climber already @falaff - I'll have to pick a new NN! Mind you, men here seem to be crazy about climbing. Every man on my apps seems to be doing it regularly

Hi, may I sidle back too. My first week on a paid site and I fell hard ... but he chose the date he had the day after me. He told me about this date in advance and that he felt a really intense connection with her from their messages, so it is not like I wasn‘t warned. It just hurts. Readers, I really liked him, a truly good guy ... and off the market within a week with the second person he met. What are the chances? I am so sad.

He is a climber too.

Just writing it down to you lovely people has helped me process what I have been tossing and turning about all night. The silver lining of course is that I now know that even someone who was as damaged as I used to be can spark interest in someone without any red flags whatsoever. And people like that will have nice, perhaps even single friends... Keep the faith and koko.

I lost you all for a while. Just marking my place so I know where you all are 😊

@MrDrummer Welcome back, but sorry to hear you were dumped. So, you'll be back on the apps then ?

@Sunshineandflipflops Glad it went well, though that MrSAS comment meant I imagined you checking your phone over the shoulder of your MrArt 

@Misty9 @AutumnHaze 

@Rosielily I think Rule 10 means don't be asking people on the thread out i.e using it like a dating app. I think this is a guideline only as some people expose their vulnerabilities on here, and the thread may cease to be useful if people thought they couldn't post/help with profiles without running a gauntlet of date requests.

AutumnHaze sorry that has happened to you. He sounds like one of the good guys. And it's just unfortunate that he met her just after you.
Keep going. He wasn't the right one for you. But someone else will be.

Welcome back @MrDrummer, sorry to hear about your FWB, you know we're here for you. Your absence has most definitely been noticed although @Ant330 and @HairyArsedMan have been trying their best to shoulder the "What the fuck is this man thinking?" questions we women thrown into the thread every now and then. Speaking of MIA @richdeniro where are you?

@Sunshineandflipflops Sounds like a good date. Now block MrSAS. He's breadcrumbing you. My guess is his little black book isn't getting filled up as quickly as he would like and he's trying to dip his toe in your water again - so to speak. Glad MrArt was a nice distraction for you 😉

@AutumnHaze sometimes timing is a bitch, but you never know what the future will bring. I'd keep his number- if things don't work out with his other date he may well get back in contact with you. I wouldn't look at this as being picked second- he doesn't want to multi date and he's made a choice based on a gut instinct which may or not be right. I've done it myself, but it doesn't mean that I don't think the guy I didn't pick wasn't great as well iyswim?

Welcome back MrDrummer, the thread has been lacking a bit of rhythm

In other news I have deleted apps as never swiping right for months seems to have broken the algorithms, and have spent 2 weeks procrastinating over sorting some decent new pics, how do you do that when you have no friends and never go out? Realising that I don't have a single photo of myself in a social situation has made feelings of isolation bubble up.

It is said that you need to be able to love yourself/be happy with yourself in order to be able to date with any success, how do you do that when you feel the thing that is wrong with you is that you cannot connect with anyone?

This isn't a serious question, I am just venting a bit of frustration into the thread

Thank you! I think you may be right about him not wanting to multi date. He had actually written if we could get back in touch in a couple of weeks. And this morning I wrote that he could, even to invite me to dinner with his new love and a nice friend of his. He thinks that is a good idea, asked me to be patient for a little while and he has me in his mind.

@autumnhaze that sounds good but keep swiping in the meantime and chat to some other irons - it may be you making a decision between him and another date in a few weeks 🤷🏻‍♀️

@HairyArsedMan No, I wasn't looking at my phone over his shoulder! I picked up my phone to call him a taxi and saw his name then read it when he'd left.

I have to admit there has been the odd message back and forth between us but nothing at all sexual or deep. Just things that have made us think of each other really. I won't be going back there, as much as I'd like to.

Mr Art messages to tell me he was in bed thinking about last night and I got a photo to prove it 😳
My first dick pick at the grand old age of 40 😂

@JeSuisPrest Absolutely I will still chat to others. It is so good to know for the first time in my life (mid 40s) that I can spark interest in a good guy.

@HairyArsedMan thank you! Makes perfect sense!

Haha @AsleepAllDay and @AutumnHaze, any chance you're in Sheffield? :D

Welcome back Mr Drummer sorry to hear that you got dumped. Hope you find someone lovely soon.

Sunshine brilliant news that things went so well with Mr Art. Hope you feel able to block Mr SAS soon, although I understand your reluctance to do so right now.

I have a date with a woman on Friday. I decided to browse a site recommended on another thread for women looking for women and lo and behold the first profile I looked at was a woman who lives a couple of miles away who has similar interests to me. I got in touch and we are meeting up. I am not sure whether she will like the fact that I like men too, but I will broach this when we meet up. I think she could be a good friend even if we don't end up in a romantic or physical relationship. Ironically she lives in the same town as my Saturday night (male) date but I am meeting him in the area I live in.

@StarryUnicorn I also worry about not being able to connect with people as I so very rarely feel it when I go on dates. I go through the motions being polite and making small talk but rarely feel as though I want to take it any further. And on the rare occasions when I have felt a connection I have been dumped or ghosted, which isn't good for the self esteem. I genuinely think it is a numbers game and am trying to make myself get out there and go on dates and also do activities that involve getting out of the house. It's not easy though.

@falaff I'm in London!

Watch this space. My second date of 2019 (despite being active on the sites apart from a week or so) MAY happen tonight. Except I'VE come up with the venue, and Mr Smiley's car is apparently in the garage. He'll let me know when he can collect it. Call me cynical but I really won't be surprised if it's "not ready"...

@AutumnHaze I know the feeling! It's really hard. Sounds like you showed up and were yourself and did your best. The outcome isn't up to us, as much as we would like it to be.

And you know never what might happen. Put him back on the shelf but you might end up falling for the next person and never looking back

Keep going. It's hard! I'm a bit on edge about my Climber (we're in London), I know he's busy but also would like to just get on with it

I'll have to change the name though... to avoid confusion.

@NestOfSwipers I really hope that Mr Smiley stops being flaky and you have a great date. Could you suggest a venue which doesn't require travel by car, or does he live somewhere where he needs to drive to get anywhere? Keep us posted.