Dating thread 161: (Can anybody find me) somebody to love..?

[Sunshineandflipflops]

The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.

1. Develop a thick skin.
2. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
3. It's all BS until it actually happens.
4. Trust your gut instinct.
5. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
6. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
7. If it's not fun, stop.
8. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread?watched=1

@BatshitCrazyWoman it's called bad boyfriends by Jeb kinnison. He has others about avoidant attachment styles specifically. The books not as negative as it sounds and describes the different attachment styles in both men and women, how to determine someones attachment, how to become more secure yourself etc. So far a really good read....I've notices myself my attachments changed over the years and also changes in response to someone else. Eg someone very avoidant brings out the anxious/insecure aspect. Someone overly clingy will bring out my avoidant side. On the whole I suspect I'm relatively secure

Thanks super - will look for it.

Second date with Mr Art tonight. Good job we're only going to the Chinese round the corner from me...this rain!

He seems to be really looking forward to it...just hope it's not a let down after date number 1 was so lovely and easy (and long).

MyOldBrainStoppedWorking yes, I had a message after I went to bed. Saw it this morning. It tied in with what he has going on in his life at the moment (nothing to do with his ex), and we should still be on for tomorrow. But I've seen all sorts on OLD and I suppose I'm primed to expect the worst all the time? A bit like having a lovely, bouncy, friendly dog: it could bite you any time. 😕

supercali77 that book sounds really interesting. Amazon does well out of me!

@NestOfSwipers I signed up for a trial of Kindle Unlimited and got it for free! Hope the 2nd date goes well

@Sunshineandflipflops Good luck for the date tonight!

This weather is biblical! I may grow flippers soon and start swimming to work.

@Sunshineandflipflops Good luck for date number 2. You definitely seem to have a bit of a spark with this one. He sounds a bit similar to MrC - younger, no ties, lives a bit of a batchelor lifestyle but Mr Art is obviously looking for someone so if you're the right one he'll be more than happy to make the compromises necessary so the two of you can spend time together. I get the whole "can't just do things at the last minute" problem - I have it as well. Cockwomble ex refuses to have DD on set days - it all revolves around his social life so I can't plan anything in advance. It sucks.

@Misty9 I would leave it until he contacts you. Sounds like you were both a bit tipsy and you really don't know anything about him - he could be a player, he could be genuine, who knows, but I wouldn't sit around waiting for him if he's not contacted you yet. I'd be swiping to take my mind off him

@Ant330 C'mon - there's a lovely space with your name on it on the Smitten Bench. You know you want to

@falaff I think you need to grasp the nettle with MrClimber - you're in limbo at the moment with him. I know you see him around and about, but you don't have to make a big deal of it. Just say something like "I know we got off to a bit of a rocky start and I wasn't really sure what I was looking for then, and I'm sorry if I've been giving mixed signals to you, but I would like us to be more than friends, but if you don't feel that's something you want, I'm fine with that, I just wanted to set out how I'm feeling at the moment about us." Seize the day. What's the worst that could happen? He says he just wants to be friends - fine. At least you know where you stand and you can start focussing your attentions elsewhere. Limerance/unrequited love is shit.

@shitwithsugaron In this rain we might not even make the restaurant!

@Sunshineandflipflops Sounds to me like someone is shaving their legs and wearing nice underwear later? MrSAS who?

😂🤣😂

It’s horrible here too, I think I might have to resort to Uber as I’ll get soaked walking even though it’s only a ten minute walk. MrNoName is going to Sweden tomorrow to visit his family for a few days. I worked Friday so I’m owed hours, so I’m not working this afternoon, so whoever it was (I can’t remember) who was disappointed by mario kart playing, no need to be this time!

It sounds like someone is hoping they don’t make it to the restaurant 😉

Hope your date goes well @Sunshineandflipflops enjoy your stir fried tofu or will it be chicken with chestnuts or perhaps wonton abandonment ?

ps great link @supercali77 totally crystallises why current dates are going so brilliantly

Haha everyone! I am intending to go to the restaurant...

Have a great time Sunshine
Not yet JeSuis don't want to jinx it. But think we both feel the same, going out tomorrow, going away Sat afternoon for the night, and childfree nights synced. We've packed a lot into a week 🤣

@JeSuisPrest that's some great wording. Now I've thought about it I really want to say it to him in person so I may have to force some sort of interaction with him sooner rather than later!

Have fun Sunshine. It sounds like a lot of you have the monsoon-like rain that London had yesterday ...!

Do you ever have those feelings before a date that you don't feel good enough for them and if so, how do you overcome them?

@lifegoes Pretty much every time. Sadly for me I think it's the impact of being cheated on in my marriage with someone younger.

I try and turn my thinking on it's head though and think "I hope they're good enough for me". I don't like the term "good enough" actually but you know what I mean...I hope they are enough for me.

The reality is we're not going to be everyone's cup of tea but that doesn't mean we are not good enough.

That's a good point @Sunshineandflipflops thank you

I have a date arranged for Saturday night with a guy who I was exchanging messages with on POF and WhatsApp a while ago which dried up. He suddenly got back in contact last week and I decided to meet him in a bid to get myself out of the rut that I seem to have dug myself. He is 12 years younger than me but quite sporty and we have some interests in common, plus he lives quite close to me so we should at least have things to talk about, even if there is no chemistry. It is fair to say that I have porked out a bit recently as I have not been able to run or exercise for the last 10 weeks due to injury. I am going to try on my favourite outfits at home and see if there is anything suitable (i.e anything that camouflages the extra lbs!). If I hate myself in everything I will do a mad dash to the nearest big town and buy something flattering in a more generous size!

I have looking in to joining a local gym where the physio I have been seeing about my ankle is based and hopefully he will be able to help me with a suitable exercise programme to rehabilitate my ankle and get me fit again.

We had torrential rain all day yesterday on the south coast but I am in London today for work and it is dry and sunny here. Of course I left home this morning in boots and a heavy duty waterproof coat .

I haven't had any messages on the apps apart from one guy who asks to meet me and is then unavailable on every day that I suggest meeting up. It is quite exasperating so I have suggested he tells me when he is next free and we work it out from there. To be honest I'm not even that keen on him but he lives a couple of miles away so it won't be a great hardship to meet up. I would love to meet someone who rocks my world, or even someone who I fancy, but such luxuries seems to be few and far between.

48 hrs on POF and I've had 16 messages. Including:
"your nice"
"i want to kiss both your lips"
"you look amazing u must be a model"
"nice"
"hello beautiful woman i love everything about you"

The rest just said "hi" or similar. Not a single one is close to what I'm looking. The majority aren't even close in location to me at all.

I will persevere!