Dating thread 161: (Can anybody find me) somebody to love..?

[Sunshineandflipflops]

The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.

1. Develop a thick skin.
2. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
3. It's all BS until it actually happens.
4. Trust your gut instinct.
5. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
6. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
7. If it's not fun, stop.
8. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread?watched=1

What's a happy trail?

@shitwithsugaron @lifegoes It's cool, everyone, even secure skinny blokes like me have hang ups (see above for mild furry bum anxiety). You seem to have great communication @shitwithsugaron and I'm sure he won't think such things about you. Maybe ask him if he has any hang ups ?

@shitwithsugaron Stop doing a downer on yourself immediately . You're a mum! What's wrong with a mum tum?? Stop comparing yourself to a 23 year old with a washboard stomach and the probably the personality of a gnat judging by what goes on on instagram. Honestly, strut your stuff whatever's hanging over the top of your knickers - men love confident women - it's a very sexy quality in men and women. I've got a right old podgy tum, but MrC seems to love the softness and roundness of it - he's always rubbing it when we're having a spooning cuddle - I've given up sucking it in now . He hates his hairy shoulders, but I love them - beauty is most definitely in the eye of the beholder. II'll tell you now, any many who is lucky enough to be having sex with you is absolutely not thinking "Christ, she could do with losing a few pounds", they're thinking "God, this is fucking great, I hope my cock is big enough/I'm pleasuring her!"

So what if you don't like the same music or feel you're a "bit dull" compared to him? Isn't it our differences which make us interesting to other people - are you the calm to his storm, the hug he needs when he's having a down day (like last week!), the voice of reason when he's a bit off kilter?

Me & MrC don't have loads in common - I feel like he's from a different generation sometimes with his music choices, and although he'll be the first to admit he's not into Abba or Spandau Ballet, he's programmed Absolute 70's and 80's stations into his car radio for me . He loves footy - I can't bear it. He missed the end of the match yesterday to sit and have a drink in the garden with me whilst it was still sunny (pre toddler discovering sex toys incident). He vapes - I can't stand that but I live with it, it's not a dealbreaker anymore. I love Antiques Road Show and he'd probably rather poke his eyes out than watch it. He doesn't know who Tony Hadley is! I could go on, but my point is despite our differences we have enough in common to be making a go of things and whilst I'll never think watching the Isle of Man TT racing is the highlight of my evening, I do it because he likes it - he could well be sat thinking "she probably thinks I'm a real twat for liking all this sport", who knows?

@Ant330 And I would never in a million years expect him to. I think I just worry that as so don't have loads of child free time, someone with no kids is going to get fed up of me not being able to be available very often so when I am it's nice to utilise the time. But that time will be just as well utilised seeing friends.

I was just in a foul mood earlier and I don't know why but I can see I was being totally unreasonable 😂

We have had some nice messages since then and we are both looking forward to our date tomorrow.

they're thinking "God, this is fucking great, I hope my cock is big enough/I'm pleasuring her!

@JeSuisPrest I almost spat my tea out at that 😂

Shitwith he clearly thinks you're gorgeous and that's what matters!
The fact you're into different stuff shouldn't be seen as a negative, surely you get to share in each others passions that way and experience more.
If he knows there was something wrong then you should tell him, probably what you need right now is some reassurance and he's the best one to provide it.

@PeanutHedz Cross post. It's ok I'm not waxing anything ... Veet will do the trick

Noooooo.... keep it @HairyArsedMan she will probably love it if she likes you half as much as it sounds. I was so disappointed when Mr U got his kit off to find he'd shaved all his body hair off prior to DTD. Made him promise to grow it all back.

Plus you'd have to change your user name. Bald arsed man? Stubble arsed man? They've not got the same ring to them!

UPDATE!

...and it's not positive (I think).

Thoughts on this text conversation with the beer mat man:

Him: "What do you like to drink? Xx" (Relevant to his job).
Me: "I like vodka in j20. Where do you live?"
Him: "Round the corner from the [name of pub]. I'll get you some vodka from work xx Where do you live? X"
Me: "I live [general area description]"
Him: Just round the corner from me then xx I'll pop in for a cuppa after work lol x"
Him: "What kind of j20 do you like?"
Me: "Apple and raspberry. I'm addicted to the stuff."
Him: "I'll get you a case tonight x"
Me: "A CASE?? That would be amazing." (regret saying this as I'm not that bothered).
Him: "It's already in my car !! X"
Him: "Where am I dropping it off ? Xx"

So essentially he's going to learn of my address. I'm not happy about this. It reminds me of my ex. I'm possibly overreacting but I'm not comfortable :(

@LooUpdate Maybe tell him to keep
Hold of it until you see him?

JeSuis fantastic post, hit the nail on the head so many times. And if I'm even remotely representative then you're right we think exactly those things!
Sunshine just because I wouldn't after 1 date doesn't mean I won't after 3 or 4 when I realise she's worth changing my social life for. Hope the 2nd date goes well ;)

Looupdate just send a jokey reply along lines of "Haha, not in the habit of giving my address out to men I haven't even been on a date with yet 😉"

And thanks all for the reassurance re bodies etc. I'm terrible for body shaming myself but it would do me well to remember I'm not 20 anymore and I've had a lot of operations and 3 kids so I'm not going to look like a love island contestant 🤷‍♀️ I think that theres also an element of truth in the theory that if you've got to the stage of dtd then they probably dont care about your perceived flaws and fancy you regardless.

Perfect Neverexpected2 I've sent that. Was starting to get very anxious.

However, is this a red flag?

I dont think its necessarily a red flag - I just dont think some men always think how things are perceived to women. I've had this chat with an iron I met recently about women having to be more safety conscious than what men generally have to be so it may be that he just thinks hes doing a good turn 🤷‍♀️ having said that you seem really quick to judge everything he says or does so are you sure hes for you? Your gut seems to be telling you to question everything

That's a good point Neverexpected2. I'm never normally this fearful/suspicious. I haven't felt like this on other recent dates. I've got a DV support worker so will discuss this with them.

Beer mat man has offered to meet me somewhere so I can pick them up. I'm going to hang fire.

LooUpdate Having said give him a chance, I'm now starting to think Mr beermatman is being (at best) a little aggressive. He's "offered" to ply you with provide Vodka and a case of J2O?

I'm concerned he may be expecting some sort of payment iyswim?

Hi everyone,
Any tips on getting a thicker skin?
My first dating experience after being ghosted by the last one hasnt worked out. I liked him, went on three dates, constant messaging, DTD on the third date and now I get the "thanks but no thanks" message. Feeling rubbish. I can't seem to rationalise my mind that it was only three dates, he's entitled not to like me back etc....

Brilliant post @JeSuisPrest that really helped me a lot actually.

Ceebeegee sorry, but methinks he was just after sex if he ghosted you after dtd...

There are a lot of them about...

@LooUpdate hmm that would freak me out a bit.. seems full on and pushy
@HairyArsedMan glad the date went well again 😁
@JeSuisPrest great update 😂 it all sounds very chilled.
@shitwithsugaron he totally fancies you. That’s the bottom line... And that’s what to remind yourself when you have a wobble moment x

So, date last night was good. Lovely guy, not set up date 2 yet but he was v keen. I’m just busy this week so hopefully next week....

Mr Fireman texted me again though, telling me he missed me. We had a nice little chat but, surprise surprise, nothing today. Picking up on something someone said earlier about limerance, I wonder if this inconsistency is causing me to give him more headspace than he deserves.

Also been chatting to another possible iron, who’s hinting at a meet up. Think we have more in common than Mr SundayNight.

@Ceebeegee I would agree with @AverageGuy unfortunatley.

It's not reflection on you..If someone is just after sex then they will do the "thanks but no thanks" whenever you dtd (first date or tenth) so at least you found out early but it still hurts and I don't have any tips for a thicker skin unfortunately as I think most of us have/would get upset by this kind of behaviour.

Some people (men and women) may be not be feeling it 100% and it takes dtd to know for sure how they feel, as harsh as that sounds.