Dating thread 161: (Can anybody find me) somebody to love..?

[Sunshineandflipflops]

The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.

1. Develop a thick skin.
2. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
3. It's all BS until it actually happens.
4. Trust your gut instinct.
5. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
6. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
7. If it's not fun, stop.
8. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread?watched=1

LooUpdate I don't like the 'pretty girls' comment. But I would give him a chance. Meet him for a date (if he's ever free before 9pm) and see what he's like in person.

I've been approached once in RL and it unnerved me as well. We don't expect it to ever happen.

HairyArsedMan your third date sounds fantastic. I hope it continues.

I set up a new profile on POF last night. My sporty stuff is on there, not hidden or played down.
I've had lots of views and a few messages. But they were either miles and miles away or the opposite of me.
I'm just going to leave it there, check in occasionally and hope someone suitable appears.

His shift pattern changes in two weeks to a more convenient one. But I just discovered his job (manual unskilled) and it's brought out the job snob in me. I will still give him a go.

Do any of you guys have job snob tendencies? I'm not proud of it. But I worked hard to climb out of my working class roots.

@Looupdate I totally get the job snob thing as I do it too. I did try to get past it by going on a date with a builder but let's just say he wasn't the most cultured of people so it didn't really help me move past my issue! Having said that my most recent proper ex (Mr Tiler) was a bathroom fitter but he was intelligent and charming. I would give your mystery man a chance and see if he is good company.

@LooUpdate I don't have a job snob as such, but I get your point on it. I like to see men have ambition, so I'd expect to see them wanting to better themselves.

When I left my sons dad, due DV I gave him my house and everything in it. It took years to build that all back up. Now it's mine, nobody will ever take that away again so I do look at jobs and ambition

I do like to date men who are on a similar wavelength intellectually as me. Mr Art is only the second guy I have dated who has been to uni and he also has a post grad degree (as I do) but manages a store which has nothing to do with his qualifications!

No job snobbery here, ex1/FWB had/has a career that isn’t particularly reliable and income can vary hugely from year to year. Ex2 was a teacher, the guy I have seen a few times has the same job as me but it’s a much junior role.

Ah give him a go @LooUpdate. I mean a meet. You can explain to him on the date why the use of the word girl is inappropriate 🤣 I haven't been approached in RL for decades. Be flattered.

I'm not a job snob but I've got 2 degrees and about to embark on a postgrad so there needs to be something there. Not bothered about money or status but I do need intelligence. And I'm ashamed to admit I'm not a fan of manual workers. But I'm pretty sure they're not generally a fan of me either, I'm far too odd and ungroomed.

@Sunshineandflipflops in the nicest possible way I think you may be guilty of overinvesting in Mr Art. I know you've really clicked but as you say, you have only had one date. Even a full BF is unlikely to be texting when out for the evening. I certainly wouldn't be messaging an iron when I'm out with friends. Or even mr U. And you can't really expect him to fit his life around you. Yet. Go easy on him. And more importantly go easy on yourself. Sounds like you're still raw from Mr StupidArseSod

@LooUpdate give him a chance!
My job is considered to be low paid manual labour. But I have a good university degree, plenty of other qualifications and have built my business from nothing.
I'd be annoyed if someone discounted me just because of my job title.

Still on the smitten bench

All went well, she was really nice and I don't know what I was worried about . They've obviously got a really good friendship and she does have some boundary issues, but I'll have to live with that - he's making it very clear with his actions, not just words I am absolutely a priority in his life so I'm pretty happy with how things are going.

After she and her stbx (?!) left she messaged MrC which he opened in front of me - we were cuddled up on the sofa and he held his phone in front of him (and me) as he opened it - it said "Hi MrC, thanks for lunch, JeSuis is lovely. Fancy meeting for a swift drink tomorrow? x"

Now, the old me would be wtaf [insert massive argument and insecurity/trust issues here], but I'm just letting it go and it feels great (thank you counselling and Brene Brown)- he's off work today, she's a SAHM (who may be a little bit of an alcoholic judging by how much she put away in 4 hours yesterday....). If they go out, so what, they're clearly just friends.

If you want a bit of light relief on this rainy Monday morning read on - not for the faint hearted, contains scenes of a sexual nature.

We were in the garden enjoying a glass of wine before lunch and Beach Lady's toddler wandered off for a few minutes. She'd gone back into the house and found her way into MrC's bedroom. BL came downstairs looking rather red faced saying that she'd found toddler with something that was probably not suitable for her to be playing with and she'd put it back on the bedside cabinet . We were left wondering whether it was the lube, the blindfold, one of 3 vibrators or the ankle and wrist restraints? I blushed from the tips of my toes to the top of my head (fortunately wearing sunglasses), but MrC couldn't stop laughing and thought he'd be the talk of the village gossips before the day was out. I love him a bit more now.

@JeSuisPrest hahahahahaha, brilliant!
I'm glad it went well and you have nothing to worry about.

@Peanuthedz You are right. It's not even that I'm over investing in him as I don't even know if I like him THAT much yet...I think I'm just bruised from Mr SAS (although I prefer Mr StupidArseSod 😂) and probably not in the right frame of mind to be jumping back in but I'm going with the getting under someone to get over someone theory...

Im going to try and make plans to see friends this weekend I think.

@Sunshineandflipflops

Actually I'm pretty sure mr Unsuitable isn't terrible intellectual but as he's very foreign and definitely left wing it doesn't seem to matter. I cut him an awful lot of slack....

Oh @shitwithsugaron I totally know what you mean. It's so awful we have these hang ups about our bodies.

I'm due to meet mr humm this week, I saw a holiday photo of him at the weekend and my god his body is ripped and all I thought is what is the point of me meeting him. When we finally DTD he'll think I'm awful, fat and won't want me.

Since then I've been looking for reasons to not go out with him.

Ah @shitwithsugaron 🙁

You've already said yourself that this is how you see yourself, not how he sees you. You also said that some people wouldn't find tall
and very slim attractive but you do because it's him and I bet he feels the same about you. You see more then the physical when you really like someone. I bet you're much hotter then you give yourself credit for anyway.

I also had the 'noise thing' when dtd with Mr SAS and was a bit paranoid but any bodies make noise when you are pounding away against someone 😂

Mr Art is also 6ft 3 and on the skinny/slim side so I'm sure I'll have that to look forward to again 😱😄

@LooUpdate you don't know how much that question genuinely concerns me!

Ok from another perspective... I'm quite athletic and I have a six pack. It's pure luck and totally down to genes. I eat a lot of shit. But I'm very active (not sporty) I rush about a lot. It's annoying as I know I eat twice as much as other people and I tone up if I carry a heavy bag back from the shops. It's not a stealth boast it's just the way I'm made. I have never ever been put off a man I fancy by his physique. If I like someone enough to DTD I do not care. I fully expect men of my age to have a belly. My body is no reflection on what I like in a man. I'm just made the way I am. It's all irrelevant the way we look. He doesn't care @shitwithsugaron. It's you he wants. He won't even have noticed. I spend a lot of time around naked women of many shapes and sizes and I have to say the curvy bodies are far more beautiful than mine. Mine looks a bit hard and scrawny. Women are meant to be soft.

On a similar note I was all 😱 when @LooUpdate asked if @HairyArsedMan was going to have a wax. Every time I read his name I go a bit quivery. I love a hairy bum. I'm not flirting by the way just pointing out that we all like different things. I love a hairy back and a paunch. Not interested in a six pack.

I know you're having a general wobble @shitwithsugaron but just go with it. I have had the same with mr Unsuitable over other stuff. (Mainly my age...and the fact that I'm a dull SAHM and he is a sex pirate) but he likes me for whatever reason.

Hmmmm. Think I've just had too much coffee... apologies!

@HairyArsedMan haha looks like I sort of answered your question. How old is she? I think women over 40 would be pretty repulsed by a man having a wax. Even the ones without a hirsute fetish like me😳

I'm slim (trim?), with an almost six pack (if I clench!), and am fairly hairy. The last person I dtd with was er cuddly / curvy - didn't bother me in the least!

Hairy sounds like a fantastic 3rd date 👍
Sunshine I wouldn't change my weekend plans for somebody I'd only met once, sorry
JeSuis 🤣 great update! Glad BL didn't put a spanner in the works!
No I'm not a job snob, probably the opposite if anything. I like somebody to have a job and be solvent, but I don't really care what they do as long as they don't hate it and moan about it and aren't lazy!
I spend every working day surrounded by professional people and find myself gravitating away from them in my spare time. Doesn't mean my friends with manual jobs aren't bright driven people. Many of them now in their 40's own their own businesses and make very good livings.
Personally I think discounting somebody based on the job they do is a very broad brush approach.