Dating thread 161: (Can anybody find me) somebody to love..?

[Sunshineandflipflops]

The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.

1. Develop a thick skin.
2. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
3. It's all BS until it actually happens.
4. Trust your gut instinct.
5. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
6. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
7. If it's not fun, stop.
8. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread?watched=1

I've been quietly lurking and reading everyone's updates, good and bad!

I'm in a bit of a mess really, I think I have developed limerance with Mr Climber and it's making me feel really terrible. I haven't been able to tell him how I feel yet and he's being very distant with me and the not knowing is really awful.

I need to get over it, I can't think about anyone else and I'm just obsessing :( Any tips guys?? Urgh.

Hi falaff limerance isn't really something I know much about but perhaps if you could tell us a bit more about your relationship with him someone else can advise. Sorry but the thread moves so fast I can't remember how long you've been dating him / number of dates etc.

@falaff I'm sure there used to be a very busy thread specifically on limerance on the Relationships board too.

@Ant330 Oh yes, apologies I got the wrong end of the stick. @Tralalaladingdong I agree with @Ant330 your question is fine to ask him. I was asked something similar early on and it's a good question as it gets to the heart of what he is looking for. I didn't avoid the question but took my time answering !

I had my third date ! It was incredible again. She is really, really wonderful. We had a lull in the snogging in the corner of the pub and realised we had left one other giddily speechless. I can't speak for her but my heart was in my mouth ... in a good way. It was just awesome !

@falaff I think it's really easy to do that if someones backing off or sending mixed signals and you're into them. Suddenly you're into them waaay more than you would be if they were being consistent....has he sent mixed signals/been inconsistent or is it just a recent thing that hes gone quieter? Either way. If I sense I'm really into someone and they're backing away, as hard as it is I give up the ghost I let go. No good comes of pursuing. Obsessive thinking about someone in my experience goes away If you cease contact. It might be worth finding out one way or another what hes thinking. E.g. I'm sensing some distance, it would be good to know where things stand from your perspective. Or something. Then you can either proceed knowing hes into it or drop contact and move on?

he's being very distant with me

Can you describe how.

HairyArsedMan So glad to hear! So does this mean you'll be getting your arse waxed soon?

I'm going to give this pub phone number dude a huge miss. He only knows me based on my looks and always approaches me as I'm leaving (and therefore unable to talk). I bet he's one of those guys that drives past a woman and wolf whistles. Eeeeww. Not my brew.

Fuck. He literally just texted me "Would you like to go on a date?"

shitwithsugaron tempted because he's local and I've already kind of 'met' him. But my (quiet) instinct is saying no.

I've replied "What makes you think I'm single?"

Which is a bloody interesting question.

Don't mean to be rude @LooUpdate but you have really judged someone based on nothing and I think that's quite awful.

I hate people judging me on looks, or because I gave someone my phone number.

When I was younger and people did chat women up in bars, they always gave you their number at the end of night/chat. That's hiw it was done.

This guy has given you his number and suddenly he must be this awful guy 👀

I'd also like to think if you weren't single why you didn't say when he gave you the number and why did you text him first???

Loo update I would give him some credit for approaching you and risking being shot down in public, not many men do that these days. Perfectly reasonable to assume you're single because you accepted the number and text him first.

It's not the approaching which is the issue though. It's the 🤮 message. Pretty girls? If someone described me as either of those I'd react in the same way as @LooUpdate

Thanks guys. Sometimes I need a reality check.

I hate people judging me on looks

That's why this man has unnerved me. He doesn't know me. We might not have a single thing in common. Looks are not enough to sustain a relationship. I will age and get saggy.

On the other hand, here's how the texting has gone:

Him: "Would you like to go on a date?"
Me: "What makes you think I'm single?"
Him: Oh sorry I thought you were.
Me: "I am. I was curious how you knew ;)"
Him: "lol I didn't but I'd love to take you out if you'd like? X"

He seems to have handled my cynicism well.

Drip: I'm 6 months out of a very abusive relationship which necessitated a non molestation order. Therefore I'm hyper weary of predatory behaviour in men. However I need to learn the difference between being assertive (good) and being aggressive (bad). I'm tempted to meet this guy, out of curiosity if nothing else.

I think it's nice that someone has had the guts to approach you in person but I guess the same rules apply as OLD. You still need to feel like you want to go on a date with them and if it didn't feel right then don't go. Did you find him attractive?

I've just asked Mr Art if he's free this weekend as it's my child free weekend and he's busy going to see friends for most of it. I don't expect him to be free just because I am as we've only been on one date (two after tomorrow) but still...I hoped for some company 😕

He said maybe we can 'hang out' on Friday (he's going to see friends on sat/sun I think) but I feel a bit rejected and haven't replied. I know it's ridiculous on my part but maybe that's just where I am right now.

LooUpdate I agree his message is a bit clumsy but he sounded confident but respectful in his initial approach. Presumably if you were going to go on a date, you'd like to know a bit more about him first?
If you aren't completely put off, perhaps start there and see if the messaging improves?

Cross posted, I was referencing the pretty girls text.

Arrgh! Got to work this morning and realised I'd left my mobile at home! Am using works pc for messaging atm

It's a two hour commute to go and get it, and come back... I'm seriously thinking about it, as I'm supposed to be meeting a mate this evening, and need to contact him to confirm, but of course, all his contact details are on the phone...

Loo Please give the guy a chance. After all, you have actually seen him irl, (and he has seen you!), so (imo) you are in a better place than dating someone from OLD.

Yeah the pretty girls stuff was gross.

Anyhoo, I suggested a day and time convenient for me. He replied saying he's at work all week until 9pm. He knows I have kids so how does he think I'm going to manage this? I've replied "Every week?"

@LooUpdate I think that's a nice flow of conversation. And if this was OLD, you would be based on a picture you have uploaded before anything else.

He's seen you IRL, liked what he seen and approached you. I think it's worse for him to get rejected irl. You could have said no there and then, not text. So much harder for him but I like he did it.

It's now texting a bit more or grabbing a drink/coffee to get to know each other more.

It's understandable after all of that you would be very wary, but see how it goes.
Don't let your past dictate your future 😘

loo stop being so harsh on him 😂😂😂

He doesn't know your set up. Yes he knows you have kids, but he doesn't know if you have them every night and all weekend

He might work shifts, so this week is working till late.