Dating thread 161: (Can anybody find me) somebody to love..?

[Sunshineandflipflops]

The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.

1. Develop a thick skin.
2. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
3. It's all BS until it actually happens.
4. Trust your gut instinct.
5. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
6. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
7. If it's not fun, stop.
8. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread?watched=1

Just trying to catch up on the thread

@MyOldBrainStoppedWorking sorry to hear you had a bit of feeling low, but so lovely to read the responses to you and see you pick up. I hope you are continuing on the up and remember we are all here for you.

@StealthNinjaMum Great news on being exclusive. Just always trust your gut. Never let the past dictate the future. X

@raspberrylemonades I don't personally date more than one, mainly as I get confused and just can't do it. But I know many that do and there's absolutely no need to feel guilty about it. You are looking for someone who suits you.

Can't wait for @JeSuisPrest update 😂😂

I think we're all waiting for the JeSuis update with bated breath 🤣

@looupdate what's your instinct? He didn't sound pushy to me.

The cynic in me wonders how many women he's done this too?

But is that any different from a good opening message with more than one person? Yes he may have done that before but don't rule him out for that..

@looupdate there's two possibilities here. 1. He's an abusive arsehole 2. He's a confident guy who likes you.

I always assume the best in someone until I discover the worst. And I know that if I didn't call him I'd always wonder what would've been.

So I would text him and report what happens to us and we'll help you work out what sort of a man he is.

I have just texted him. My text said:

Are you normally this chivalrous in the [name of pub], [his name]? ;)

Let's see what happens...

Oh exciting @LooUpdate I like he's done this personally. Who was he with?

Well done @looupdate. I hope he's a good one.

lifegoes I have no idea who he was with. The first time I notice him is when he rushes to open the door (I have a buggy with me).

He has the same name as my ex and my son. When he passed the beer mat to me I glanced at his name and said "ahhh that's the same name as him" as I pointed to my 7 year old. The bloke then shuck my 7 year old's hand and whispered to me "you will text, right?"

Yay. Mr Ca just asked me out for a drink. We will meet on Sunday.

@LooUpdate I like that, for all you know he might have been with a friend, spoke about you and his friend told him to pick up the courage and ask you. he couldn't ask you out right as you were with your kids. So did it that way.

I texted exactly an hour ago, and nothing.

@LooUpdate it's only an hour since you texted! I'm in the same boat, sent a text after last night's date and I'm trying very hard to not count the minutes.

It's not about how long he texts, it's the eventual conversation you have. If he wants it, you'll have it

I'm a complete novice to online dating and new to this thread, just reading through it now.

I've met a man through plenty of fish, I've had two dates with him, he seems like a really nice guy and I had planned to see him again, however it turns out that he has lied about his age and he is quite a bit older than he said initially. I haven't got a problem with dating someone a bit older but the lying thing is playing on my mind. Is it normal for men to lie about their ages online/initially? Do you think its a sign of other lies to come or should I just forget about it now I know the truth?

It's a bit of a minefield all this online dating business, I've heard some horror stories and I just don't want to experience that!

Hi firsttime, I dated a guy on pof a while ago who claimed on his profile he was 52 but I discovered after a couple of dates that he was eleven years older. I found it to be deceitful and sneaky but because he had banter and kind of wooed me,I carried on seeing him! He also looked alot younger with a head full of hair and not a grey hair to be seen.

Apart from that lie,there were no others ( that I could see) and he just said he preferred women in their forties and fifties to women his own age

@Firsttimeonlinedater Hi and welcome.
Personally, I wouldn't like the fact that he'd lied from the start as it doesn't bode well.

It's deceitful lying about your age as it's your choice what age man you want to date and you shouldn't be tricked into dating someone older than you had intended.

Is it normal for men to lie about their ages online/initially?

Nope.

Okay, he's replied: "Just to pretty girls x"

My thoughts:

1. "Pretty" = superficial.
2. "Girls" = infantising.
3. Not to mention he said girlS plural. Ick.

Screw this stranger dude.

@LooUpdate I think you've read so much into that message. I do NOT read it like that at all. He's just being polite and saying pretty. And girls, I would say men in this context.

Ah @LooUpdate he's just trying to compliment you!x

I've just had a phone call with mr horizontal- only been seeing him 4 months 🙈. Done all manner of things with him but put me on the phone and I'm a wreck 😂.

That kind of reply would put me off too. Makes my skin crawl.

I find girls condescending and I didn't like the use of the plural like that either. Of course he's talking to others, wouldn't expect anything different but that response made me think it was quite a practiced move.