Dating thread 161: (Can anybody find me) somebody to love..?

[Sunshineandflipflops]

The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.

1. Develop a thick skin.
2. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
3. It's all BS until it actually happens.
4. Trust your gut instinct.
5. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
6. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
7. If it's not fun, stop.
8. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread?watched=1

@StealthNinjaMum Ah, that's great!
Did you have a conversation to that effect? I always wonder how that comes about!

I have drunk a lot and don't know how the conversation happened.

@shitwithsugaron thank you. I've been looking for nearly 3 years now and struggling to find anything. But I'm still here so I guess I haven't given up completely.

@Sunshineandflipflops @KhaleesiTargaryen I think my criteria is quite wide. The dates I've had were all very different. But if I'm honest, I only went on them because they asked. And I found them really hard work because we had nothing in common to talk about.

My last attempt at Tinder I swiped right on nearly everyone. I was on there a month and had about 5 matches in that time. And no dates.
POF was similar. No one replied to any of my messages. And the only ones who contacted me were over an hour away or the ones who message every woman on there.

I've been told by plenty of people - who know & who've never met me - that my photos are good & my profile is interesting. So I have no idea what to do.
I know it's a numbers game but if you're not in the game because no one wants to talk to you, then you can never win.

I’ve been chatting to someone on and off over the last week, I’ve not been able to meet this week due to childcare issues. But I’m wondering if he has a critical side to him which is making me wary. He talked about women wanting to date for months before deciding to offer sex and it not being worth the wait when that happens. He also said that I asked weird deep questions (as in what he found attractive in a woman etc) and was quite sarcastic in his replies. Am I right to walk away at this point without bothering to meet? He strikes me as being a man who could be quite hard work and moody if he doesn’t get his own way.

@MyOldBrainStoppedWorking, I feel for you, I really do. I've been doing this just over a year, dating only eight men. And a four and a half month drought with no dates at all. I posted very excitedly a few days ago about Mr Smiley, and looking back on our messages it's taken since Tuesday to arrange a date. But all I have is a day. No time or place. It's his turn to message, from this evening, but nothing. I just have a bad feeling about it, and yet I so wanted this one to be different. If he is genuine, I'm sorry that OLD has made me feel that way. But you do. You always expect the worst.

I'm supposed to be seeing two friends at different times tomorrow: one hasn't confirmed what's happening after I said I was free for her suggestion of a dog walk, the other let me down a few weeks' ago and I'm half expecting it to happen again. Like you, I have plenty of hobbies, and friends to see, but hobbies can be hard work, and friends don't always make you their priority...

@Tralalaladingdong great name! Yes, if it's hard work now, he won't be any better in person. If it even gets as far as a date. He isn't exactly selling himself, is he?

Tralala there's nothing wrong with that question, and there's no way I'd be telling someone I haven't met yet that I won't wait for sex.
He sounds a bit jaded by OLD to be honest, which can be understandable but he's making it hard work before you've even met.

Thanks, he's fanciable but I get the feeling I would be walking on eggshells at some point if things were to progress.

@JeSuisPrest have you seen the beardless man yet?

So just wrapped up my first date with Mr Climber. I wasn't sure what the vibe I was getting was (funny, conversation was mostly flowing) but the snog session we just had at the bus stop was certainly something and knocked some doubts out of my mind

I don't know when I'll see him next - he's busy with the aforementioned exams and I'll be away for work, but I'm definitely looking forward to a second date

But reminding myself to keep swiping & look for more irons! This was great but it's not real until it's real, as we know...

Back from the festival and a bit pissed. Well,it certainly is hard to get chatted up in real life. Lots of men looking,even caught village man staring a few times and I went and gave him a friendly hug.....but either men are married or they dont feel the need to talk to strange women? Blokes in groups I suppose are just having a laugh with mates. I chatted to a bloke in a queue and some guy offered me a doughnut but that was it . Feeling a little invisible to be honest!!

Tralala I think you go with gut I wouldn’t like that
Asleep- that sounds fab
My old brain- maybe it’ll happen when you least expect?
I feel like I’m juggling a bit and that’s not normally me. Mr races has kids on a Saturday he messages but I don’t like the way he messages it’s short and is usually got a sexual connotation. Sure he just wants sex but I have said that and he says not. Haven’t arranged next date I’m thinking Friday as we did mention but I’m half tempted to fill with someone else. But then I’ve rejected and maybe he just a shit texted. Mrfire is irl- is still living with wife. Messaged for hours and is very keen but worry I could get hurt. All got a bit hot and heavy online. He says he wants more but is such a messy Situ. And then there’s the new mrarmy going to try and do first meet in week. I’m taking tips from whoever it is who is with the no kids never married as I’ve always rejected this before. He seems genuinely lovely. Maybe too nice 🤦🏻‍♀️

myold sorry your feeling invisible. Old can be fun or it can be crap for the self esteem. I think you sound also awesome!
I havnt swiped now for probably over a month. Feeling better about myself tbh. Might review after my hols but for now I am on a break.

@ccgirr re: mr races. If you get the impression he just wants sex, it doesn't matter whether he says that's not the case....because his actions (short sexual messages) show you something else.
I was with a 40+ guy who never had kids never married....but hed also never lived with a woman and his previous relationships were all less than a year. I now know why....not a good experience. Ask mr army about prev relationships / living with women. Cos plenty of people have had long running cohabiting situations but never wed or had kids.

Thanks supercali. Mr army said he’s had 2 long term relationships but I didn’t ask about living together. I will today!! Love this thread. Also he’s not in the army he just lives right by base as that would worry me even more lol. I think you right about mr races he knows the sex is amazing! But I still want more lol. Football tournament this morning for me keeps me distracted!!

@ccgirr I'm dating someone who has never married and has no kids. He's been in a LTR and was engaged but it didn't work out.

I have my doubts already as he seems to be going out a lot with mates. He has every right to do this and fair play to him, but it's not the life I lead and I wouldn't want to hold him back from it is things were to progress (a big 'if' but I think it's a good think to think ahead a bit).

MyOldBrain maybe it's time to take a break from OLD over the summer and just focus on you if it's making you upset and affecting your self esteem.
A few people have said that deleting everything and forgetting swiping for a couple of months has done them the world of good.
Maybe do that and come back having enjoyed the summer focusing on you with a brand new profile and pics feeling positive again.

Thanks sunshine I’ll ask about engagement also. He plays squash a couple times a week but so far doesn’t seem to be out all the time. Thanks ladies

@MyOldBrainStoppedWorking I agree with @Ant330. I had a complete break for a couple of months before I went back on and met Mr SAS and I came back in a much better place.

I think OLD can kind of take over if we're not careful and it ends up completely controlling our self esteem, when that can be found in other, healthier places x

Sunshine nothing wrong with thinking ahead, but if he's anything like me I go out a lot when I'm single.
You may find he just doesn't like sitting around at home on his own, and would happily give up some of that socialising for the right person ;)
However if he is constantly unavailable because he's "out with mates" then it's perfectly reasonable to question if he's right for you. It's easy enough to make time for somebody new and not ditch your friends ;)

@Ant330 Can I hire you to be my life coach please? You are right, of course and also if I lived with my parents at 37 I would probably be out a lot too. Thanks x

@Ant330 thanks I will have a break.
I seem to have spent 3 years in a cycle of putting up a new profile, then getting very little interest so I have a break for a month or two. But it's always the same when I try again. And so I end up accepting dates with anyone half decent who asks. Then I find I'm struggling to make any connection with them because we have nothing in common.

I'm 51 but still have kids at home. I'm also quite sporty which I have to downplay on my profile because I'm told this can be a bit intimidating. I find men my age either want someone younger, someone without the hassle of kids or someone who's not so active.
I can't change any of those things and by the time my kids leave home, I'll be too old for anyone to be interested in me.

Sunshine I think I post enough of my own brain farts to convince you that wouldn't be a good idea 😂
But yeah if I lived with my parents I'd be out every night!
Going out (or staying in) with somebody special that you care about is far more preferable to a beer with mates though 😉

Off on my date in a bit, suffering with tooth ache so have taken lots of pain killers. Not feeling it this morning 🤣, haven’t even got dressed yet as the weather can’t decide what it’s doing. Will update later x