Dating thread 161: (Can anybody find me) somebody to love..?

[Sunshineandflipflops]

The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.

1. Develop a thick skin.
2. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
3. It's all BS until it actually happens.
4. Trust your gut instinct.
5. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
6. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
7. If it's not fun, stop.
8. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread?watched=1

I agree @ccgirr it just doesn’t sit right with me. I did ask him and he just said that’s just the way it is....

@JeSuisPrest I went to trim my beard and picked up the trimmer without the guard comb on it and carved a chunk out before I realised. This was ahead of that first date and I had to trim down to stubble. Maybe Mr C had a similar bout of absent mindedness ?

@CassettesAreCool Really sorry to hear. I know we're all strangers on the internet but it says something great about you that you can wish us all luck in your situation. I hope it turns out ok for your daughter and feel certain someone as decent as you will have someone decent find you.

@Ant330 Glad it went so well!

@CassandraGemini I think it's really normal (and healthy?) to feel a bit vulnerable at this stage and the contact will definitely help switch off some of those doubts. I interpret those as my subconscious working hard to fill in the gaps, as you size up the potential for a good relationship but what you actually need is the contact and real experience to inform and fill in the gaps.

I personally don't have time for anyone who doesn't have time for their kids. No excuses for me @Nowthefunbegins

Lifegoes totally agree. Why would they want to be around my kids potentially and not theirs. Err no! Now the fun- you’ll have to press further just be honest and say you need to know that kids come first.

Sunshine just because he didn't message doesn't mean he's the same as MrSAS
It's more annoying because you were stuck in and bored remember, if you'd been busy or out yourself would you be as bothered?
When I'm out with my mates I don't really message either (I'm now thinking I should 🤣), doesn't mean I've forgotten about the person I'm dating.. Ironically he's probably spent part of the night telling his friends about his great 1st date!

@Ant330 Ah, thanks...that's just what I needed to hear 😊
He's been messaging this morning and did last night after he'd been out but that was too late for me when I'd been high on painkillers all day!

@sunshine could you have wanted more attention because you were feeling off? If I'm out with friends, I wouldn't message someone I'd only seen once and wouldn't expect anyone to message me in return so glad you didn't rule him out for this.

Glad he has messaged since and hope you feel better soon.

@HairyArsedMan Nice work trying to defend your fellow man, but it was an act of deliberate sabotage 😂. He assures me he's still got stubble, so all is not lost, though I will be very much encouraging a return to beardy status asap.

@Sunshineandflipflops Yep, I need the odd message when they're out as well and I also send them. Hope you're feeling better today. Have a great time at Pride. I'm sure he'll start messaging again as soon as he surfaces.

@Nowthefunbegins I think you need to ask. If you get a bit of flannel from him like "ex made it too awkward", ask what the courts said, if he says he didn't bother with solicitors etc I wouldn't proceed. It's something I've always asked irons about - if they can walk away from their kids that easily, they can do it to you no problem.

We've got our 2 month anniversary today (well I have in my head), I won't mention it to MrC in case he thinks I'm a loon, and we've not seen each other since "the night of the near fatal crushing" which he still feels bad about - I asked him to make sure the spare room was made up for this weekend - he's promised there'll be no need...

Who's got dates lined up for the weekend? I'm finding it hard to keep up these days.😮

@Ginmel Yes, you're probably right. I was feeling sorry for myself and I had been out and three tables were turned I might have sent the odd, quick reply but wouldn't have instigated chat.

*had I been out and the tables were turned!

@JeSuisPrest He's already messaged this morning and is on his way to get his hair cut ready for our date on Tuesday

Going to rename Mr Powerseller into Mr Shakes after yesterday's date. Poor bloke was shaking throughout. Despite that, he pushed through and made a real effort with conversation. We had a laugh. I really like him. This has restored my faith. Here is a bloke I could see myself feeling both safe AND turned on by. An absolute first in my lifetime.

Okay. Now I need to chill before I fuck it up.

Sunshine then you're fine, it's perfectly understandable to react that way and shows you like him otherwise you wouldn't be bothered
I thought I'd massively fucked up last night. Without going into outing detail, we have mutual friends and she's met the 'mate' my ex had the affair with and is now dating.
I had nothing to be worried about but now realise I'm paranoid and have trust issues, who knew!! Fortunately she's been incredibly understanding, and has been messaging this morning to make sure we're still ok.

LooUpdate that's lovely, I'm glad you gave him a chance lots of people wouldn't have. I doubt he'd have been nervous if he didn't fancy you

@Ant330 Do you mean she met him last night? Why were you paranoid?

I'm glad you gave him a chance lots of people wouldn't have.

Yes, that's interesting. The shaking would have put a lot of people off, but when I saw his strength of character at pushing through it I felt admiration. And then the conversation flowed and we have lots in common.

Oh god no, it was ages ago. I'm an idiot!

Why? Fuck knows! But I just got a thought in my head and stewed on it. Seems the affair has affected me more than I thought it had, because this is very out of character.

She's been really understanding though, which obviously just makes me like her even more.

Phew this thread moves so fast it's hard to keep up! I'm feeling a bit jaded by it all and I've only been thinking about it for the last couple of days! The whole swiping thing just seems so superficial - I know I can look terrible in some photos (and hopefully better irl!). So I decided to go out to a gig with a meetup person (female) and had a laugh but also clocked a guy I liked the look of (couldn't help but look around) and although we eventually exchanged a few words (it was loud) he then walked off without a backwards glance at the end of the gig, leaving me feeling pretty deflated. I think he might have been younger than me and now I'm feeling a bit old and unattractive. I'm late 30s.

So, I'm not sure my fragile self esteem is quite ready for it all but at the same time I do really need that reassurance that I'm still desirable . I tend to be attracted to guys my age (rather than older) but they probably want younger models. Urgh.

she's met the 'mate' my ex had the affair with and is now dating.

Why would that reflect badly on you?

Sorry to hear your news notcoolmum 💐 I am still smarting too. It’s a horrible feeling.

hairyarsedmanhope you get that third date sorted. What’s the chat like in between?

sunshine Did he say he was off out, speak tomorrow or just drop the messaging?

I woke up feeling crap today, Mr Fireman still texting me sometimes a bit flirty which messes with my head. He’s been on insta loads lately so I can assume he’s moved on with someone else. Made the mistake of checking his latest followers and 😞 and if it’s who I think it is (the one he’s followed back) boy do I feel inadequate...

Garden centre guy texted me at the very last minute saying he had a flat tyre. But he seemed so flippant about it. I was sat in the car park and just felt shit so I blocked him.
I have a couple of guys I’m chatting to... a 1st date loosely arranged for Sunday but he texted me yesterday to say he’d deleted his OLD ? Thought that was a bit premature. He also said he’d catch up last night to discuss Sunday and after a two way “how’s your day” text went quiet.
Texted this morning to say he’d dozed off. 🤔

I feel a bit weird about it now. Think I felt so upset by being open and genuine with Mr Fireman that I just can’t see what’s acceptable or what’s pushing boundaries.

Ahsunshine I see it’s all sorted now 😁

Gah! I was originally going to a gig tonight with Mr SAS and in a moment of weakness I just messaged him to say have a great time.
He replied to say thanks and asked how I was...all perfectly polite and above board but...I want to be at that gig with him tonight ☹️

Oh sorry khalessi that is really horrible.

@Sunshineandflipflops Step.Away.From.The.Phone. You want to be with at that gig with the man who you thought was only seeing you. He is not that man. Concentrate on Mr Art. MrSAS does not deserve any headspace.