He's gone and I don't think he's coming back.

[KeepCalmCarryOhFuckIt]

DH has gone. We've been together over ten years, have a young dc. He says he's fallen out of love with me and in love with someone else but I can't bear to talk about that
I feel like I'm going slowly insane and I can't hold it together. He's staying elsewhere, not with her, 'for a few nights' but I know in my heart he won't come back here and I can't have him here if he isn't with me. He says he wants to try but the feelings aren't there and he doesn't know if they'll come back and it's too big a risk.
Please help me get through this, my dc keeps seeing me cry and they don't understand.

How has the weekend been? Mines been tough but a sprinkling of nicer bits. Starting to get my house back and thinking about redecorating.
Having some issues around contact for dc. I'm feeling quite frustrated as he's decided he's going on holiday, just upping and leaving. I hate the expectation that I just have to suck it up and do it all on my own while he fucks off and enjoys the new found freedom. How do I deal with this? Was thinking about suggesting mediation to get something a bit more concrete in place, though I know it's not legally binding. Any experience?

I'm currently doing mediation for financials and I'm finding it really positive. From what I've heard the person doing the mediation is the key between it going well or not

Glad you've had some nice bits to the weekend!!

Still very up and down. One moment I'm OK and planning how I'll have my house and making plans for the summer, the next I'm just completely overwhelmed and time stretches out in front of me.
I've decided to try some self-care if anyone has any ideas? Started exercising and trying to eat better (or just eat full stop) and drink more water. Toying with the idea of writing a diary but not sure if it will help to look back on or just be an ugly reminder of a dreadful time.

Oh I know just how you feel!!

Having a bath is meant to be good. Writing a diary is cathartic and you don't have to read it back again. You could just write it and burn the pages. On the other hand you might want to read it in years to come to see how far you've come.

When I was going through horrendous times with my narc ex I used to visit a wonderful shop, (Serendipity in Bluewater actually, sadly no longer there), and I always found either a book or a CD that was just what I needed.

Go to your library or find a shop that stocks books, crystals, CD's. Have a good browse. Often what you need will find you.

Ooh I love a crystal!

I think I will do a diary. Will find a notebook and start tonight. I'll try not to read it back for now though.
A wander round the shops sounds good. Money is incredibly tight now but I'm sure I can manage a small something.
I'm all alone today and not coping very well. Trying to keep busy and background noise but it's not helping.

I hate being alone. I don't know what to do with myself!

I was you nearly a year ago. I promise it gets better. I went to my GP and got put on antidepressants and honestly they helped so much, the sr told me it was reactive depression. I read a book called ‘runaway husbands’ I can send you it if you like, it massively helped me, and there is a support group on Facebook called runaway husbands, it’s private so no one can see your posts. Private message me if you want, I honestly know how you feel xxx

Simon it's not so much the being alone and not knowing what to do with myself that I struggle with, although I can see that will come in time and be bloody hard. Its more that I feel a bit manic and my thoughts rush ahead to what will happen at birthdays and Christmas and all the times we should have spent together that he'll now spend with her. Cosying up in his new house with his new life, love, friends, leaving everything else behind. It's nauseating.
Thank you for the encouraging message highrise it's so good to hear that it's possible to come out the other side. I looked at the runaway husbands book but mine isn't being nasty, at least not in his words, I just find it nasty that he's carrying on with his life but I can't really expect the world to stop because my heart is shattered.
Started ad's so we'll see how I go x

I just wanted to come back here and update, after reading many of the threads similar to mine it's always nice to have a 'few months later' post.
Things are much, much better for me. It's quite sad to read back some of my old posts and remember how hopeless I felt. It was all consuming and sickening and just the worst time. I invested in private therapy and over the last couple of months I've really 'found myself' for want of a better phrase. My house is beautiful, dc happy on the whole and adapted brilliantly. We have a wonderful time together. And when we're not together, I'm on the dating scene and having fun as 'me' instead of 'mum'.
There's a few obstacles still to go, I need to file for divorce when I can afford it and look at getting into work but I agreed with myself that can wait til after Christmas.
Essentially I just wanted to thank everyone that helped me get through those terrible dark days and provide a little hope that life can be pretty bloody marvellous even after such a shit time, you really will get through it

Thanks for the update @KeepCalm... you are right, it’s nice to see such updates, especially for those still in those desperate days. Well done you for all you have achieved despite the heartbreak. All the best for the future.

Great update. Glad to hear you're making your way through. I'm in a similar position but earlier days.
I've just secured a mortgage on the family home and had the equity transferred to me. I don't mind losing a cheating husband but I was determined to keep my lovely home. I know I'm fortunate in that respect and my heart goes out to all those struggling to keep it together in similar circumstances. Updates give all of us the hope that life can be good again

Oh I love updates! so pleased for you that you're over the worst now. This kind of post gives hope and strength to others going through an awful time. It truly does and will get better!

Wonderful update

Great news! Wonderful update and well done for being strong. You will meet someone who will love you for you and life will be great x

Thanks all, I've been meaning to come back and update for ages. I could write pages and pages about everything that's happened, never mind how much I've changed and grown as a person into a woman I barely recognise but to be honest is pretty bloody amazing. I hope someone finds this post in the future and takes comfort from it, knowing that if I can get through it and not just survive but thrive then they certainly can. He completely ruined my life with his selfish actions but I have rebuilt it by myself and I'm proud!