He's gone and I don't think he's coming back.

[KeepCalmCarryOhFuckIt]

DH has gone. We've been together over ten years, have a young dc. He says he's fallen out of love with me and in love with someone else but I can't bear to talk about that
I feel like I'm going slowly insane and I can't hold it together. He's staying elsewhere, not with her, 'for a few nights' but I know in my heart he won't come back here and I can't have him here if he isn't with me. He says he wants to try but the feelings aren't there and he doesn't know if they'll come back and it's too big a risk.
Please help me get through this, my dc keeps seeing me cry and they don't understand.

How are you doing today becky I hope you're still feeling strong.
I haven't been as tearful but the anger is starting to set in. I don't want to be unreasonable but the fact that he just isn't coming across as remorseful for the utter carnage he's caused is giving me the fucking rage. Of course I want to facilitate a good relationship between him and dc but I hate that I have to share and I hate that everything is down to me at the same time. He expects calm and rational answers to these questions but even I don't know what I want.

He sounds exactly like my ex!! It's infuriating!!

You are allowed to angry at him. He has turned your life upside down. And has happily skipped off into the sunset.

If you don't want to be nice to him that's ok. It will pass. But if it means you limit contact for now then so be it.

Just do what you Need to

Ive really have had the worsed day ever I broke no contact told him how much I loved him. He said he doesnt have the same feelings and that we have changed. I am so so upset I hope he realises what he has lost as all he feels is relief atm and living in his single life why I am broken

I'm sorry to hear that @Becky2190, it's so hard but you will pull through x

@Becky2190 Have you been to the doctors for support? I know it isnt for everyone but medication really helped me in the early days. Just look after yourself. You are doing an amazing job getting through each day.

becky I'm sorry he's being like that. It must be quite nice to just up sticks and fuck off without any responsibility I find it hard to hold everything together but equally I don't want help. Bit of a catch 22. I second a visit to the gp- they made it clear that I wouldn't start feeling the effects of antidepressants for around 6 weeks but gave me something to help with the anxiety which is a good fall back.
Yesterday was angry, today is sad again and I feel like I can't get away from him. I KNOW I need to detach and stop talking to him about it all. We're both just getting angry at each other. I feel like he's getting the easy way out though and doesn't seem bothered, i seem to be driven to make him bothered but it's not helpful.
Going to look into alternative counselling options I think.

Sorry you’re going through this. When I went through something similar I found Trent Shelton videos on YouTube invaluable, he really helps you see things more clearly. Obviously it’s still very early days and it’s so devastating at the moment but you will get stronger. It’s unlikely to happen overnight (although sometimes it does!), you won’t notice at first, then you realise you’ve gone an hour without thinking about him, then it gets longer and longer and the pain gets easier and easier. You will heal, be kind to yourself.

How's everyone weekend been.

Quite a good weekend for once! Felt ok all weekend!

How about you?

Thank you. We had good weekend. Hectic and feeling my age. Dd has friend over Saturday and ds has friend over Sunday. It was hard work juggling them all. I'm trying to push myself to do more with them.

Looking forward to the summer break. I have three weeks off and we are going to make a list of things we can do.

Great idea!!

Thank you Hftgl I'll look up the YouTube videos tonight. It's still remarkably raw considering it's been almost a month.
I had a mixed weekend. Saturday was horrific and Sunday was only marginally better but there were more OK moments than terrible. I just want my family back so much it aches. I feel like I've taken a few steps backwards lately although I know this is to be expected. So bloody awful.
A list sounds like a great idea eve what ideas have you got so far?

Sounds like you're doing about right for four weeks!! It does take time and it's shit but I'm starting to feel a little more positive now after nearly 3 months! It is very '1 step forward, 2 steps back!'

It is a roller coaster of emotions. They say it is a month for every year together. That seems about right for me

Summer holiday list

Park/ scooters/picnic/paddling pool

Beaulieu

Historic dockyard

Swimming

Tank museum

London to my sisters.

Beach

Cinema

We have few regular haunts. As we get a years free return with entry. So nothing to expensive. My two are very good. And like a picnic. And trip out.

I only work three days a week so get to spend most of the holidays with the kids. I am so very lucky. Although eldest won't want to spend time with. Me soon.

We went to my family abroad at easter. But don't have the funds to go again. Really need ex to pay his child support. But that is another story. Mustn't grumble. We get by

I'm lucky I'm going on holiday with my family in the middle of the school hols so really looking forward to that!

Jesus I've a while left of this then. The last few days have been as bad as the first few. I didn't realise how far I'd come til I slipped back so badly. I need detachment tips?!
Your list sounds brilliant. When I'm a bit stronger I will make one of my own!

It's true what everyone says, and I'm sure you are SICK of hearing it but time is a healer! It is a very cyclical process it's difficult but you'll do it! One day we will think 'oh, I don't care anymore'

Although I find this marginally less annoying than everything happens for a reason!! Haha

How are you doing OP?

I love what Simon is saying about “one day you will think, oh I don’t care anymore”

I can’t imagine ever not caring with the way my ex is being I hope that we all get there in the end!

Me too!

I am going through something similar now and wanted to share a bit of advice 3 months in after being a complete mess until this week and I mean a complete mess.

1. look up attachment injurys/ trauma and and realise how you feel is 100% normal. You love him yes but this torturous feeling you have 24-7 isnt your fault. It's your brains way of helping you in the long run. I'll not try to explain it because its complex but please look it up. Knowing why you feel just so rotten and inconsolable helps. Also there is a wealth of YouTube videos on how to help yourself.

2. No Contact. Seriously seriously. I didnt do this for the longest time and I'm sorry I didnt. This is super hard but it's the only way to heal. For 30 days at the very least he doesnt exist. Arrange for your child to be picked up with a relative. The longer you keep him around the longer this will take for you to feel better and if it's meant to work you are giving him serious thinking time. Men work very much on loss. They dont respond to feelings like we do quite the same.But the biggest benefit of no contact is allowing you to find yourself again. Hard choice = easy life. Easy choice = hard life.

3. I promise you one day for no reason at all it just gets easier. Hang in there.

Believe me you do not want to live a lie. This situation needs fixed one way or another. You deserve to be happy and you will. I promise.

♥️

Thanks for the comments. I'm not doing so well to be honest. I cannot stop thinking about it. Our past, future plans, him with her, what he's doing, saying, planning. I can't stand the thought that I'm simply not a priority in his life any more.
I'm really really trying not to engage about anything other than dc and was doing well but I broke as he was leaving. I cannot believe this has happened to us and I'm facing life without him. It physically hurts.
I really need to cut it all out. Even if it doesn't help, I need to do it anyway!
Thanks greatness I've confused myself with the attachment injury stuff but I'll try a YouTube video and replay your words re no contact.
This is so fucking HARD.
I find myself wishing we'd just finished years ago before marriage and dc but then of course I wouldn't have them. It kills me to talk to him and see him but at the same time I wonder if it'd be harder to just cut out completely. At least I wouldn't have the torture of hearing about his day and plans for houses etc.
Sorry, rambling. Thanks for checking in on me

Just keep thinking like Simon said OP, one day you will think to yourself, this doesn’t hurt as much anymore x

You will get there. I promise. I'm in pain less and less from it looking back. It's a gut wrenching feeling. You did all you can do and you can do no more. Look at all the people you know that have had their hearts broken in the past. Look at all the people offering advice. They are against all odds ok. It seems impossible but they are not just ok they are happy. Accept the situation. Roll with it.