He's gone and I don't think he's coming back.

[KeepCalmCarryOhFuckIt]

DH has gone. We've been together over ten years, have a young dc. He says he's fallen out of love with me and in love with someone else but I can't bear to talk about that
I feel like I'm going slowly insane and I can't hold it together. He's staying elsewhere, not with her, 'for a few nights' but I know in my heart he won't come back here and I can't have him here if he isn't with me. He says he wants to try but the feelings aren't there and he doesn't know if they'll come back and it's too big a risk.
Please help me get through this, my dc keeps seeing me cry and they don't understand.

Littlefluffycloudos This problem with this is that you cannot move forward either, and you are unlikely to think about anyone else whilst living together.

Co-parenting apart is going to how you do it from now on. Better to start now, not later. It will be better for your DC who won't remember anything different. It will be better for you, although it's not what you wanted.

I understand totally what you’re saying but it’s not better for our finances though - we live in an owned house now but with the equity we have would not even be able to have two small flats in our area. If we lived together for even 1 year it would save £17k in rent towards a deposit. And our child is just about to start school so there’s a lot of upheaval and I don’t want to create more. Maybe it’s a crazy idea. I’ve been reading online about it and many people make it work though

Plus I’d really like to help her settle in school by making some parent friends and just afraid that being on my own would put people off. It really is ALL happy couples around here it seems

@Littlefluffycloudos i started getting panic attack's too when it all happened years ago and they got steadily worse until I was hospitalised ( I didn't know then what they were ) I was put onto low level AD which did help a bit but it was hypnotism that worked the most.

I couldn't see any kind of happy future at that point either as the future I 'should have' had now wasn't possible. Took a long time to get my head round that one.

I did get through it, it's affected my life in so many ways and I still get panic attacks when stressed but at least I know what they are..

You do have a future you just have to take it an hour at a time at first, then it gets a bit longer and you'll take it a day at a time and so on. But you will get there

I've had a few panic barracks but they seem to have passed now.

Attacks

Thanks both, mine seemed to have passed for now which is positive.

The panic attacks are just hideous. I haven't had one for a couple of weeks then randomly had one this morning. Fortunately wasn't alone and came through it fairly quickly. It's frustrating that I can see things have ended but the grieving process is still so hard to get through. It was hard when I had false hope of rekindling but now it's even worse because there's no hope at all and I fear things are going to turn sour.

When you stop thinking you will get back together is when things slowly slowly slowly start to get better!

I know in my heart we won't get back together, but I still pine for the past and future and am still struggling managing everything day to day I suppose. Having a very panicky day today which is just horrid and draining.

I still pine for the lost future too but I can also see past it sometimes too. I think it will take a long time to stop. You're doing so well!! Just keep going!

I'm not coping. I can't talk to anyone because they just keep saying I am and it'll be fine, I'll get through it and they're there for me. I think I need to see a gp or someone but I don't want them to take my baby away or put a marker on my file or whatever.

No one is going to take your child away because you’ve seen a GP. I promise that. Short term antidepressants can really help so do go and see them.

Are you able to access any counselling? Or feel free to join our WhatsApp group I mentioned if you want to vent

I know you don’t want to hear it as it doesn’t sound true but you will be alright. Everyone comes out the other end. And from what I’ve read a lot of people end up far happier and comfortable in themselves.

Hope you’re ok

Xxx

Thanks for the messages. I'm finding things hard and feel weak and pretty pathetic tbh. Parenting alone is tough going even with good support. I'm just not really finding any joy in anything.
I worry Ad's will have awful side effects. Part of me wishes I'd just gone on them in the first place, when he first left, as they might be starting to kick in by now. Will do some reading around I think.
How's everyone else?
Next counselling session booked for next week..

You sound like your doing really well! I've literally only started to feel vaguely normal in the last week or so and my x left at Easter!

Maybe see what the doctor says. The might have other ideas what might help! Anti d's might just help you to function a bit better!

I’ve taken them before and didn’t have any side effects so I wouldn’t worry too much. They don’t take that long to kick in either. Please see your GP. And keep on keeping on, we’ll all get there

How are you doing today?

None of that will happen. There are thousands of parents struggling with short term and long term mental health issues. It is probably 80% of the gps case load. The gp will want to support you and help you through this difficult time

If your partner had died you would be more excepting of the help. Don't be struggle. There is help out there.

I seem to have calmed a little, for today at least. This weekend is going to be difficult as the last of his stuff goes. I'm going to give it a week or two after that and see where I am, stick with the counselling and try to salvage my life. If no improvement or the panic attacks start again then I'll be straight to the gp. I have stuck to nc all week and pretty proud of that, but I can't help but think it makes it easy for him. I don't want to look pathetic anymore though, so must continue.
Everyone else OK?

Week of NC is amazing! Well done!!

@KeepCalmCarryOhFuckIt it's hard (and I'm still doing it massively for sure) but we have to stop thinking about the impact on them. Whether it's harder or easier. Or how we should act for what reaction we want. The future is to completely disregard what they think, be polite, hold our heads high and move on. Well done to you!

Wise words little I'll try to bear that in mind. Having the odd wobble as I go through old stuff to get rid of and give back. Strangely looking forward to my counselling but don't know what I'll get out of it, but it's someone else to rant and cry to I suppose.

@KeepCalmCarryOhFuckIt ♥️♥️