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Original poster

To think he's just a dickhead?

346 replies

GirlOnIt · 30/05/2019 21:57

Recently I feel like I've woken up and I'm seeing the real Dp. I don't like it and I'm planning on leaving, he doesn't know that though.

I've got a good friend who's going through a crappy time and she's in our home town this week. I'd arranged to meet up tonight. Dp was definitely going to be home by 7, then 8!

Well where the fuck is he? He's making excuses that it's work, but it's bullshit and I know it. He's doing it because he can and so I don't go out, probably just sat in the pub all by his lonesome miserable little self. Dickhead and then he'll come home apologising and hoping to get it on.

OP posts:
RandomMess · 31/05/2019 09:16

Or you need it to put some fresh milk in the fridge???

If you can kick him out so much the better!

ControversialFerret · 31/05/2019 09:26

Get the key back off him. Wait until he is in the loo, or the shower, or asleep and go and take it off his key ring. Don't tell him you've taken it.

He's a controlling shithead and a liar. If he's been slung out once before and still hasn't stepped up and decided to behave like a decent human being, then leave - permanently.

You may be pregnant now but the good news is that if you aren't married then he doesn't automatically get PR unless he registers the birth with you.

Original poster
GirlOnIt · 31/05/2019 09:39

He has pr for Ds though @ControversialFerret. He's my primary concern at the moment. I'm re considering my options with this pregnancy, not easy to think about but being tied by two Dc I think will be worse.

I think I need to move slowly and make him think it's temporary. He'll move out if he thinks I'll probably take him back. But when he realises I'm ending it, I think he'll make it as difficult as possible.
I've been saving all my mat pay though and have full access to the joint account. Just ordered Ds loads of new summer clothes from the next account in Dp's name too. We aren't married so I don't think he can touch my savings etc or me his. But we have joint savings too and the mortgage is joint.

OP posts:
Original poster
GirlOnIt · 31/05/2019 09:40

I do need to do some shopping for my mum @RandomMess. I didn't think of that last night but should have said I needed it for today while he's at work. I'll ask my Gp's they may have a key, I'm not sure.

OP posts:
ControversialFerret · 31/05/2019 09:45

The PR for your DS doesn't change the fact that you don't have to facilitate it for the baby.

When you get him to move out, make sure that you move 50% of the joint savings into your own account so that he can't touch it. Protect yourself financially.

Cherrysoup · 31/05/2019 10:08

The guy is an utter arse hole. Having dc doesn’t stop you leaving him. Sounds like you’re doing all the work with them anyway.

TheTrollFairy · 31/05/2019 10:08

Gah, that’s real dickheadedness OP. How far along in your pregnancy are you? How old is your DS? If you breastfeed the baby you’re currently pregnant with then that will automatically limit the time he can have with the new baby. I’m guessing DS isn’t BF at the moment as you said there was milk in the fridge for him if he woke up.
As others have said, I think WA could give you advise on leaving.

Original poster
GirlOnIt · 31/05/2019 10:12

As soon as I do that he'll know I'm serious though @ControversialFerret.
He knows he's pushed a bit too far now and he's going to be the perfect boyfriend to try win me round (this is that he does). He's already text to say he's sorry, work will vouch for him staying behind though (amazingly after he's been into work to get someone to cover for him).
And he's finishing early today so he'll take me and ds out for lunch. Think I can reply: I don't want lunch with you knob head!

OP posts:
Original poster
GirlOnIt · 31/05/2019 10:14

Ds is breastfed. It was expressed milk in the fridge, which he takes fine. He's weaned too, so don't think breastfeeding would stop him having/taking him. I know with completely breastfed babies the police will step in to return to mum. Not sure they would if Ds can have other foods though and will take a bottle.

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Original poster
GirlOnIt · 31/05/2019 10:17

I'm a frigging social worker. How did I not see these signs in him before we had kids. For fucks sake I can usually spot an abusive shit at first sight!

OP posts:
PickAChew · 31/05/2019 10:25

He didn't have the ammunition before you had kids. If he'd done last night's trick, you could have gone out, regardless.

TheTrollFairy · 31/05/2019 10:26

How old is DS though? If under 1 then you’ll be able to get him back (food is fun till 1) so if he’s under 1 then he still needs milk

Lanurk · 31/05/2019 10:30

If you’re not married then you don’t have to put him on baby #2’s birth certificate and he’d need to instigate court proceedings. Document everything from now right up to the end of time. Every example of coercive or manipulative behaviour and hope that he’s stupid enough to get abusive by text once you’re gone so you have reason to deny him access to DS. Good luck, stay strong and you’ve got this xx

ohfourfoxache · 31/05/2019 10:34

Do you use a joint account for shopping? If so then you can get cash back. Take a little at a time and it soon adds up

Original poster
GirlOnIt · 31/05/2019 10:50

He is under one @TheTrollFairy. Bug he takes a bottle fine. I'd hope I would but I've known cases where because they'd take a bottle they haven't stepped in and just said take it to court. I guess I'm just worrying about that, I wouldn't stop him seeing Ds at all or having him overnight. Just don't want him using 'keeping him' as a way to control me!

OP posts:
TheTrollFairy · 31/05/2019 11:20

Surely he takes breast milk from a bottle ok? Not formula. I would hope that this would help in your case if he were to take him. I don’t think breast milk fed babies would take to formula all that easy

nc100 · 31/05/2019 11:28

What job does he do? Could be entirely plausible that he was at work.

Why didn't you take up the offer from his mum to have your child?

People are straight in there saying what a bastard and that he's controlling and will get physical next Hmm.

But with a child under one and a pregnancy, tensions are likely to be high. OP you say you've been saving your maternity pay, is he feeling pressure to work more then? Was he definitely not at work?

You also said this has only been the case since you had the baby less than a year ago. And you're pregnant again? Isn't it possible to work this out at all?

thisisadistraction · 31/05/2019 11:38

Well the op says herself that's he's become controlling and a dickhead. So yeah we're supporting her, because we believe her.

nc100 · 31/05/2019 12:17

I believe her. But it wasn't the op who said that first. Was a pretty big pile on to start with if he was in fact at work

RandomMess · 31/05/2019 12:30

As you know you can get fixed contact with power of arrrest attached if needs be.

fedup21 · 31/05/2019 12:36

How far along are you?

MulticolourMophead · 31/05/2019 12:37

nc100 the original post clearly shows that issues are already there, that's why the first posters replied as they did. OP even said he was making work excuses, and I'm guessing she would be in the best position to know that.

Soubriquet · 31/05/2019 13:07

How far along are you OP?

I would possibly be looking at a termination so you’ve not got any more ties to him

MrsMozartMkII · 31/05/2019 13:16

Sounds like you've come to the end of your tether with him lass.

You do need to, as it appears you are, think through the ramifications and how to either head them off or manage them.

As for "how did I not spot that he's an arse?!" type question, he would've been at his most charming, etc. etc. etc. Things are different now and he doesn't have to try so hard, at least not in his mind, which is where the cracks start to show and you decide it's not where you want to be or how you want to live your life.

Original poster
GirlOnIt · 31/05/2019 13:18

He might have been at work @nc100. But I highly doubt it was something he had to do/stay for. He can bring his work home so if it was something he had to get sorted he'd usually come home and do it from home.
He said his mum and dad were out, but when his mum text about how Ds was, I asked if they'd had a good night and she wasn't out. He'll say he misunderstood and it was just his dad out, but he told me he asked his mum and she couldn't help out.
This is what he's been like though, just enough doubt do I question it.

OP posts: