To think he's just a dickhead?

[GirlOnIt]

Recently I feel like I've woken up and I'm seeing the real Dp. I don't like it and I'm planning on leaving, he doesn't know that though.

I've got a good friend who's going through a crappy time and she's in our home town this week. I'd arranged to meet up tonight. Dp was definitely going to be home by 7, then 8!

Well where the fuck is he? He's making excuses that it's work, but it's bullshit and I know it. He's doing it because he can and so I don't go out, probably just sat in the pub all by his lonesome miserable little self. Dickhead and then he'll come home apologising and hoping to get it on.

She really is @Wildorchidz.
And no problem x

Wow, your mum is a real star!

It shows she must have noticed his treatment of you, to redecorate a room so everything was ready.

I'm so glad to hear you feel better now you're at home with her. You seem to have really been through it, not counting having you DS and being pregnant (which is enough of a strain on your body anyway) but it seems you've had to constantly deal with him, and even when you weren't, you was likely waiting for the next thing to drop on you.
You really needed some space to breathe and just be without having to worry yourself with his behaviour. Your mum clearly understood this.

She definitely is @womenspeakout.

I didn't realise until I left the house how stressed it was making. But I think you're definitely right, even when he was 'good' I've been waiting for something to happen.

He's panicking now though, he knew when I was in the house he could always come back and I couldn't stop him. Where as now there's nothing he can do.
His texts are slowly increasing and drifting further from the topic of Ds or the baby and more in us.

Solicitors today and that was ok!

What did the solicitor say?

Just went over some options @MyOtherProfile. It really depends how cooperative he is as to how easily and quickly we could resolve things.

Really I need to speak to Dp and tell him it's over and go from there. Think I might do it this weekend.

So you have now noticed the signs because you have now left the house it usually does as you can see in so to speak cos your away from it all. like you said you couldn't tell him to leave the house as you both own it.

please be aware he'll up his game as he is doing and I'd switch to email only and only about the DC and the house because you'll be selling.

he'll be charming then angry and then charming again and he'll subtly blame you for it all.

mums are not daft and she will have noticed a lot more than you. I know I did with my own daughter. We can see things that get swept under the rug because its subtle by our daughters and sons.

So glad your Mum is able to give you the support you need.

KOKO

He's not got angry or blamed me yet @Dullardmullard. He's not being particularly charming either though. He's being very sorry and I think it's genuine. But it doesn't change things.
He's taken Ds out for a bit and I'm going to the salon for my nails doing. We're going to talk when he brings Ds back.

My solicitor has given me a few options regarding the house to think about, some where I'd get to keep it or stay in it while the Dc were young. But at the moment I don't think I want to. I think I'd be better being nearer my mum and grandparents, we were only half an hours drive away but then it would be another 30 mins to work, as I'd be going in a triangle where as from hone to work is 30 mins, from my mums to work it is. So to drop the Dc with my mum and get to work would be a hour or more in rush hour.

So I'm hoping he might buy me out and we could get my name of the mortgage and I'll hopefully be able to buy something small for me and the Dc.
Depends how generous he is! I'm working on him wanting to keep the house (he definitely will) and him feeling a obligation that his Dc are housed, plus I think he'd prefer me not living with my mum when Dd arrives. He's going to have to see her at mine and my mums not his biggest fan at the moment so he's really not being made to feel welcome at hers. Although she's civil in front of Ds of course.

She is amazing @RandomMess. And quite luckily her partner works away through the week and they go away a lot a weekends. So although not ideal (living back at home) it's not overcrowded or anything. And if they are home and want some time alone I can easily go to my Gp's who love having Ds come to visit anyway.

We are very close, my mum was a single parent so we've always been a little team of two.

Bit of a update!
He started off the week being so good, agreed to make it as quick and fair as possible for the DC's sake. Not sure if he thought saying that would change my mind, because by today he's stopped me being able to use the joint account and asked when I'm going to pay my share of the mortgage payment as it's in joint names.
I replied for him to take it out of the maintenance for his son and that my solicitor will be dealing with the financial aspects from now on.

He's just going to make it so difficult and prolonged and I really want my name of the mortgage so I can see if I can get another in just my name.

Also he's not coming to see Ds tonight because he's sick of driving (30 mins) and I've moved so I should drop him off. I said that's fine on a weekend I'll drop him off but doesn't work midweek (he comes to bath him and put him to bed here) so I'll just take it he's not that bothered to see him.

Least he's answered my initial question, because he's definitely just a dickhead!

Well the mask has fallen now and you are well rid.

KOKO

Exactly @Lahlahfizzyfizzydoda. I'm just trying to remain calm because my initial response is to go off at him and I don't think that's going to do me any good.

Don't set precedent of dropping him off, seriously just don't.

You could offer to do one drop a month but let him do the donkey work.

I wouldn't mind dropping off on weekends, it wouldn't work mid week or with the baby though @RandomMess. Not sure how we'll deal with the baby as I'll be breastfeeding.

He's turned up though, he's just bathing Ds and I'm staying downstairs out of his way. My mums normally here and deals with him but he wasn't coming so she's out.

So how would you feel about doing that every weekend forever? If you set a pattern and he takes it to court it can end up in the CO.

I wouldn't mind and would think it's fair if he's doing the mid week. I drive and it's only 30 mins in the car. But then he won't be getting the baby for a full day on his own so his only option is going to come see her at mine.

Just want to say well bloody done! It is so amazing to see your thought process change and see him for the bastard he is. Feel proud at what an amazing strong mum you are

Thank you @Maddiemademe. I think I've known for a while though, I've just been trying to convince myself that he's not so bad.
I can't say I'm looking forward to being a single parent but I guess that's the case for most (if not all) single parents. And I know I'm more fortunate than some, I've got an amazing supportive family and friends.

Well after all his I'm not doing all the travelling, he still turned up for Ds this morning and I'd offered to drop him off. He's given me some money too, so I'm guessing he's back to being nice for while or it's because his mums told him off.

He's being reluctant to sort anything more officially though so I think I'm going to have to push that through the solicitor. Just means it will take much longer, which is annoying.

I know it's probably normal because I obviously fancied him before. But I'm struggling a bit with the fact that I still really do. He looked bloody gorgeous today collecting Ds and although I know I don't want a relationship with him, I'm missing the physical side. Not necessarily just sex, but the kissing and cuddling too.

Really need to go to the house to collect some more stuff too, might see if he's ok with collecting Ds later and picking some things up then. Although I guess I don't have to ask? It's still my house too.