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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

To think he's just a dickhead?

346 replies

GirlOnIt · 30/05/2019 21:57

Recently I feel like I've woken up and I'm seeing the real Dp. I don't like it and I'm planning on leaving, he doesn't know that though.

I've got a good friend who's going through a crappy time and she's in our home town this week. I'd arranged to meet up tonight. Dp was definitely going to be home by 7, then 8!

Well where the fuck is he? He's making excuses that it's work, but it's bullshit and I know it. He's doing it because he can and so I don't go out, probably just sat in the pub all by his lonesome miserable little self. Dickhead and then he'll come home apologising and hoping to get it on.

OP posts:

Original poster

GirlOnIt · 30/05/2019 23:15

Thank you @Charlieandthechocolatecake. I'm rather far away from Kent! I think a good 4 hours drive at least.
I'm not even drinking because I'm fucking pregnant!

I just don't want to see his stupid face right now. He's texting and phoning because he's obviously realised he's fucked up and really pissed me off.

OP posts:

C0untDucku1a · 30/05/2019 23:20

Lmao charlie!

C0untDucku1a · 30/05/2019 23:23

Shit op just seen youre pregnant again. He has you truly trapped. This could be a serious problem.

nakedscientist · 30/05/2019 23:26

LTB, nasty, manipulative man.

Original poster

GirlOnIt · 30/05/2019 23:32

Yep @C0untDucku1a. My life is fucked!

Oh, I'll be leaving him @nakedscientist. My mums away at the moment, but she's home Saturday and I'll go stay with her.

OP posts:

ChillaxingInMyKimono · 30/05/2019 23:39

What a pathetic little man he is.

for you @GirlOnIt

rededucator · 30/05/2019 23:39

Did you text him and ask him why he was late? What did he say?

happybunny007 · 30/05/2019 23:56

What a twat! At least you can go to your mums.

MissConductUS · 30/05/2019 23:59

Did he have any miserable substitute for an excuse as to why he was so late?

Sorry you're going through this @GirlOnIt.

devilcakes · 31/05/2019 00:08

What a bellend. Has he given you the real reason for being late yet?

Rachelle11 · 31/05/2019 01:49

Has he actually apologized yet?

Horsemenoftheaclopalypse · 31/05/2019 06:52

This is seriously poor behaviour on his part.

Hang in there ... saturday is just around the corner

Queenoftheashes · 31/05/2019 06:54

Urgh what a twat! Well done for deciding to get out.

Newjobnewstart · 31/05/2019 07:00

Are you 100% he wasnt caught up at work? Is this something that happens most times your going out?

I have had to cancel stuff b4 due to my husbands work - these things do happen its unfortunate but not much can be done.
If its the first time this has happened id let it go m

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 31/05/2019 07:06

Is going to your mum’s sustainable in the medium term or just a stop gap? Maybe you should think about asking him to leave.

What was his excuse?

WhiteDust · 31/05/2019 07:15

Was he up when you got home OP?
He's out of order.

thisisadistraction · 31/05/2019 07:20

What a wanker. I'm glad you've woken up to it and aren't going to take it. I had my first dc completely on my own, my ex is a prick. You can do it, it's hard but you can do it. I'm glad your mum is nearby.

Whisky2014 · 31/05/2019 07:21

He's texting and phoning because he's obviously realised he's fucked up and really pissed me off.

Em no. He's texting and phoning to see where you are and what you're doing. He thinks he waited long enough so you wouldn't go out and would be shocked you did.
I hope you stayed out all damn night!

Ruru8thestars · 31/05/2019 07:28

I hope you stayed out all night - horrid sod

nrpmum · 31/05/2019 07:48

So do I. What an utter bellend. I'm glad you have your Mum's as an option too.

Plipplopbop · 31/05/2019 07:59

A PP asked could you be sure he wasn't working. If my DH was late it would not occur to me to think he was anywhere else, the fact that you are so sure he wasn't and can picture him going to the extreme of sitting alone I. A pub shows that you're right to get out now. He feels you're tied down and is now trying to cut you off from support. Well done for recognising it.

RandomMess · 31/05/2019 08:32

Still on your behalf!

Original poster

GirlOnIt · 31/05/2019 08:56

I went home, didn't have anywhere to spend the night and I was tired. I only went out to make a point. He was up waiting when I got in, his excuse is work. He didn't realise it would take so long. I know he's lying, I can tell. Even if by some small miracle it's true, he'd know before 7 he wasn't going to be home, wouldn't he? Then he'd know before 8 he still wouldn't make it. And he claimed he'd asked his mum and they were out, that's bullshit because I checked and his mum said they'd have had Ds if I needed them to.

He doesn't like my friend and I think this was his way of hoping to mess up our friendship.

But he's been slowly more controlling and in general a dick since Ds arrived. He sorted himself out temporarily when I chucked him out before. But since it's been more subtle and sneaky.
I'm honestly a bit worried about just going because I'm not sure if he'll try take Ds back or something and want to figure out what to do first. I've packed some personal bits and I'm going to drop them at my grandparents today. I've not got a key to my mums, because he's got it on his. He went to check as the alarm went off and he's not given it back to me.

OP posts:

Damntheman · 31/05/2019 09:04

Lady, tell your friend what's going on. A) It'll help her understand not to blame you for last night and b) friends support each other during hard times. You shouldn't hide your hard time just because she's going through hard times too, you two can support each other.

I'd be tempted to suggest your mum changes her locks. A man that controlling will not be above using his newfound key to try to find you when you go. I think I'd be tempted to tell you to stay put and insist he leaves. Pack his stuff and drop it off at his work. He's done. What a wanker.

RandomMess · 31/05/2019 09:07

When your Mum gets back tell him your Mum has asked for it back as she's missing her spare/needs to loan it to X.

Speak to WA for advice?

Presumably he works and your primary carer so how would he realistically look after him?

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