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Original poster

HELP! Good friends hen do clashes with husbands 30th

160 replies

ThaBel · 29/05/2019 00:06

Hi guys,

I’ve just been invited to a good friend (in my close friendship circle, but not ‘bridesmaid’ bestie!)’s hen do abroad for 3 days next year.

It happens to fall over the weekend that my husband turns 30 (and wanted to have a party)

What do I do??

My husband is generally quite a laid back/shy kind of guy so I don’t want to take away from him the one time he wants to celebrate himself!

But I also want to be there for my friends hen, a) for her, she’s coming on mine and she is a v good friend .... and b) I have two little boys and would love a chance to holiday with my friends!

We could do a party another weekend, but not entirely sure either the one directly before or after is going to work, yet.

Hubby says don’t worry, go, but I can’t help but feel he’s disappointed. I don’t want to be there and feel guilt that I should be at home?

Should I feel guilt?? Should I go? What would you do?

Thanks!

OP posts:
BrightSpells · 29/05/2019 00:07

I wouldn't go. I wouldn't even debate it tbh

Fantasisa · 29/05/2019 00:07

Could you ask her to move the date? My best friends would avoid such a significant date for me.

PollyShelby · 29/05/2019 00:08

I wouldn't even consider going for a second.

AtrociousCircumstance · 29/05/2019 00:08

Er, no, I’d celebrate my partner’s milestone birthday.

Original poster
ThaBel · 29/05/2019 00:09

She has said she will speak to the others (but I already know that was the only date that her bridesmaids and mum could all do) :(

OP posts:
Purpleartichoke · 29/05/2019 00:10

Husband’s 30th. There is no question.

PaintingOwls · 29/05/2019 00:12

Of course I wouldn't go. It's not like you're facing the wedding Vs DH birthday, is it?

ANewDawn10 · 29/05/2019 00:14

Off course I wouldn't go. Wouldn't even be a dilemma to me.

PollyShelby · 29/05/2019 00:14

If it was the other way around I'd be pretty gutted if DH even asked what I thought he should do tbh.

AtrociousCircumstance · 29/05/2019 00:17

Your DH is being nice and saying go, because he can tell you’re itching to prioritise the hen do over him, but of course he’s disappointed and gutted. Anyone would be.

Jeez.

Frittata · 29/05/2019 00:21

Your DH is being nice HmmConfusedShock

Fantasisa · 29/05/2019 00:23

The only date they can do this far ahead? I would tell your friend you can’t miss your partner’s birthday and then the ball is in her court about whether to move it or not. I wouldn’t prioritise someone who wasn’t prepared to prioritise me.

AtrociousCircumstance · 29/05/2019 00:26

Frittata if that was in response to my post I think you’ve misunderstood it!

Peakypolly · 29/05/2019 00:27

You can move a hen do (if an important guest can’t make it), you can’t change the date of an actual birthday.

Original poster
ThaBel · 29/05/2019 00:29

Okay well, I would certainly feel guilt now if I was to go! I feel guilty for considering!!

I’ll organise a party for on his actual birthday Smile

Bit of a shame anyway as the girls are also in his friendship group - and none of them will make it but I guess it would still be better than having it a few weeks earlier or later.

Thanks guys ....

OP posts:
RRJR · 29/05/2019 00:30

No question about it, I would choose husbands 30th

It wouldn’t have even entered my mind

timeisnotaline · 29/05/2019 00:30

I would stay but if that’s half your friendship group I’d try and organise the party for another weekend.

Original poster
ThaBel · 29/05/2019 00:32

I will suggest that idea to him definitely :)

OP posts:
Comefromaway · 29/05/2019 00:33

Husbands 30th - no contest.

Can you imagine it in reverse.

“I’m celebrating my 30th next year & had my heart set on a party with my family. But dh has just announced he’s going to (insert location) for his mates stag do. It’s not. even his best friend. He’ll be off enjoying himself whilst I’m left alone on my birthday”

Original poster
ThaBel · 29/05/2019 00:36

Not quite like that, but I get the point!

If he had said he wanted to spend the evening with his family I think I would have felt worse, but he’s after a p*ss up with his mates, in reality! Haha!

I can organise that, though Smile

OP posts:
PollyShelby · 29/05/2019 00:36

I think you've been wooed by the thought of a girl's holiday and aren't thinking.

No one would really consider going if their DH had said they wanted a party. Even if a few of the girls wouldn't make it.

dancingqueen345 · 29/05/2019 00:36

It's only his 30th, go on the friggin hen do!!

You probably spend 80% of your time with your partner and much much less of your friends, I really don't see what the big deal is personally.

I think it's really sad when women cease prioritising friendships that have probably sustained them for years before partners, and possibly might after partners!!

Heartofglass12345 · 29/05/2019 00:52

Could you ask your husband if he would mind having a party the weekend after? I probably wouldn't though and would want to be with him on his birthday

agteacht · 29/05/2019 00:56

Awkward... Smile
I'd do the hen do and organise bday party for weekend before or after!

FuriousVexation · 29/05/2019 01:16

Surely your H has a birthday every year but your mate only has 2-3 hen parties in her life? (probably 1, I don't know anyone who's bothered on a remarriage actually)

I mean personally I'd be giving both a swerve as parties are almost always cringe-makingly dull and awkward but you've said your H "just wants to go out on the piss with mates" which doesn't sound like he'll be upset if you don't go...