HELP! Good friends hen do clashes with husbands 30th

[ThaBel]

Hi guys,

I’ve just been invited to a good friend (in my close friendship circle, but not ‘bridesmaid’ bestie!)’s hen do abroad for 3 days next year.

It happens to fall over the weekend that my husband turns 30 (and wanted to have a party)

What do I do??

My husband is generally quite a laid back/shy kind of guy so I don’t want to take away from him the one time he wants to celebrate himself!

But I also want to be there for my friends hen, a) for her, she’s coming on mine and she is a v good friend .... and b) I have two little boys and would love a chance to holiday with my friends!

We could do a party another weekend, but not entirely sure either the one directly before or after is going to work, yet.

Hubby says don’t worry, go, but I can’t help but feel he’s disappointed. I don’t want to be there and feel guilt that I should be at home?

Should I feel guilt?? Should I go? What would you do?

Thanks!

"Awkward
I'd do the hen do and organise bday party for weekend before or after!"

I'm with you! Looks like we're well in the minority though.

Is your DH's birthday on the middle day?
Could you have his 30th on the first or third night and join the hen do for 2 nights?
If not, I'd say DH's 30th.

I'd go on the hen do! Girls holidays don't come round too often and men don't usually care if their birthday is celebrated on an exact day. My husband would be all for me going.

I would absolutely go on the hen do. I don't know many adults who would be that bothered that their party isn't on their actual birthday.

Writing as someone who is likely to spend her 40th without her husband, I'd say hen do.
As you mention - it's the same friendship groups beinginvited to both dates, so if the hen do is already arranged, the birthdayoarty is going to turn into a boys night out anyway.

Arrange the party for a different weekend.

I say Hen do. Your DH can have his party the weekend after his birthday surely.

I wouldnt.

Your husband is saying to go because he doesnt want you missing out but is disappointed.

I dont prioritise dp over friends. But neither do I prioritise them over dp. I look at each situation.

If I knew dp was disappointed and wanted me there, I wouldn't go.

Girls holidays can come round as often as you want then to.

How have 30ths partys suddenly become thing, I know of one person who had a 30th birthday party that was it, go to the hen.

In this situation I’d probably go on the hen do. But I’d make sure id arranged something for him on his actual birthday eg if he likes horse racing then a day out with his mates on the actual day. That sort of thing.

No way I would go. Your husband is clearly disappointed and it is a big birthday. But then I am biased as I hate hen parties and don't tend to go anyway so that probably influences my answer

I remember all my aunties and older relative having a 30th celebrations back in the 80s. My brother had one 11 years ago.

I didnt, I dont like parties.

I think what you mean is you dont know people who usually have a party for their 30th.

Personally, I only know 1 person who had a weekend away for a hen party. Most of had a night out. I can still get my head round the fact that's lots of people do it.

Husband first, if you don’t have children (they take precedence). Friends ... maybe later, after the cat, the hamster, the garden ...

I’d go on the hen do definitely! You can arrange the party for the weekend before or after.

Are you planning on taking your kids on a hen weekend or did I read that wrong?

How many nights is the hen do? Could you go and come back early for your husbands 30th but plan party for weekend after so you can have friends there too - writing this has made me realise that I really do spend my life trying to please everyone but thought I’d suggest it 🤣🙈

Husband comes first - I had to 'chose' between my brothers 40th party or bf's sisters wedding who has been someone I've known 30 years .... brother every time and she's divorced now

As your DH doesn’t have a party actually already planned and booked surely he can just do his party the following weekend? I did my 30th party four weeks after my birthday and my 40th party three weeks before. It really didn’t matter.

First thought - husband. Even if you moved the party if a lot of the hens are mutual friends. I'd still take him out for a nice dinner and back for an "early night"!

But, if then hens and their partners are mutual friends and the stag do is not already the same time, maybe he'd actually like a "lads night out".

I don't get the whole weekend of hen do thing though. I have to really like someone to give up an entire weekend pretending I care about a wedding!

If you haven't already planned a party then go on the hen do! He is an adult and I'm sure he won't mind a party on a different day?

DH birthday every time for me.

You're planning on taking your kids with you to yours hen holiday?? does your friend know this?
I personally would always choose my DH over friend.

No question, wouldn't even consider hen.

Hen do. It’s only a birthday

I'm not one of those people who has to "do stuff" on the day of my birthday so I'm not sure why your H would mind you going to this hen do . You can have his party the following weekend? Having had many milestone birthdays they are really not a big deal.

Definitely the hen do as that's only going to happen once!

Birthday can always be celebrated on a different day & that way he will have more people coming to the party too.

If it was the other way round I would def tell dh to go on the stag and we'd plan my party for another time! I'm surprised so many people think the actual day is so important, surely it's normal to move your bday celebrations to a time that works for the most people?