Op I’m LC with my mother. Mainly because she was finally called out on her behaviour, didn’t like it, can’t accept it and now can play the victim.
In a practical sense, our low level of contact works well for me. In an emotional sense it’s hard. I’m slowly learning, with the help of a therapist, that I matter, that I don’t need her approval, that I can live my own life and not put her feelings first. I feel guilty that we’re not in touch very often but it got to a point where enough was enough and I couldn’t pretend anymore and knew I had to get in a healthier headspace for own sake. I needed to break free from her. It would’ve been better if she could’ve enabled that freedom, but she hasn’t, so low I’m forced to do it on my terms. Being realistic about what I would get out of a relationship with her is hard to accept.
I often wonder if she thinks along your lines and whether she should try to patch things up. Your post gives me hope in a way that my mother might feel the same. But you see, there is no trust. I don’t trust my mother anymore. I would be hard-pressed to believe that she genuinely wanted to put things right fit the right reasons. She will not change. So at the moment keeping her at arms length is what works best for me. It’s not easy and it hurts but it’s currently the lesser of two evils.
For things to get any better, I need her to understand herself why what she’s done has been so hurtful. I need her to say “I should’ve put your feelings first when X happened and I didn’t and I can see why that was wrong”. But I can’t make her and knowing her as I do, she won’t get there on her own.
So, I suppose I’m sharing all this because maybe your daughter feels the same as me. Maybe the trust has gone. Maybe contact in Insel for will not be enough but if you can put yourself in your daughters shoes maybe you can understand where the hurt has come from and then try to unpick it a bit.