DH wants to move out and date me

[canadianflower]

My husband has said he's not sure what he wants and says he wants to move out. We have a tiny house we have been trying to sell and he wants to move in here while he works out what he wants and "date" me. He also wants the kids there 50% of the time.

I feel it's unfair to disrupt everyone for a while but obviously appreciate this would be the new normal if we divorce. He's not saying he wants to divorce though, just that he needs space and wants to date me to revive the marriage.

What would you do?

I would enjoy my own space without a sweaty, farting, snoring, stinking out the toilet man lazing around the house. Sorry if he does none of those things, just trying to cheer you up. but I agree with the replies that think he's trying to shirk his duties.

I'd say he's actually being very honest and it could work well if you both want this.

Wow. That’s cushy for him and totally dismissive of you.

I’d pack his bags and decide for him.

If you have to think about whether you want to deign be with me, you can fuck right off.

Get a lawyer and start the divorce now.

Do you want this OP? Sounds like the shitty end of the stick to me...
Fucking cheek of him! Tell him on reflection you'd rather 100% or 0%. Can't be messed around like that while he dithers.

If he just wanted space, he wouldn't be insisting that the children come over to "his" house 50% of the time. Not some of the time. Not weekends. 50%. That's so specific - when he supposedly just wants space - as to only mean legal divorce plotting.

He thinks he's so clever with his reddit plans. But OP has mumsnet. She wins. 🧐

What PicsInRed said. The 50% is a trap.

He's leaving you. He just doesn't want to come right out and say it.

Get your shit together and prepare for the discovery of an affair.

Date you and any other woman he manages to catch.

and already trying to find a way out of paying child maintainance. Twat!

Do not move out. I think it would mean that in the eyes of the courts you abandoned the marriage and your children which would be very bad for you settlement wise.

It sounds like a soft exit to me, and unless he has been doing 50% of the childcare the whole time, also a very sneaky one. He'll move out and he won't move back in. Is the owned house a second property? If you are in a rental he's almost definitely trying to secure the house and the 50% residency so things go his way in divorce court.

That would be a big fat no ducking way from me. Dump his lying cheating arse. Get yourself down to your solicitor and get the ball rolling on a divorce.

When I’d stopped laughing, I’d tell him to fuck off.

Very suspicious. It doesn’t look good at all.

As others have said this is the beginning of the end. Be careful if he moves out what arrangements you come to.

I am not sure what the work/career situations are for both of you but make sure you do not facilitate a situation were he has the children on a schedule which suits his career but completely obstructs you working. The 50 % should not be on his timetable.

Do you also own the house you are living in?

I’d be saying fuck of..
Me and the kids won’t dance to your tune

DO NOT MOVE OUT
I mean it’s That simple

He’s leaving you without having to talk about it, you get upset, him have to explain himself etc etc.
Tell him to fuck off and go then...but there will be no dating-you’re done! FFS dating when you’re married with kids-you can do that within your marriage by getting a babysitter! He’s having a giraffe! Fuck that shit!

Mega suspicious. He wants the single life, the lack of responsibility, and ex-ish wifey in the side for handy sex/childcare.

To clarify my reaction to my DH saying this would be similar to a lot of posters. Laugh him out his house then drown the end of my marriage in a pool of gin.

Is the owned house a second property? If you are in a rental he's almost definitely trying to secure the house and the 50% residency so things go his way in divorce court.

That is an excellent question.
OP, are you in a rental?

So, would you 'date' during the time the DC are with you or with him? You'll end up organising and paying for a babysitter. Getting dressed up just to spend time with your husband. Staying over at 'his' which is really both or yours. Or staying at 'yours' but he sneaks off before dawn to avoid the kids being confused when they wake.

But I agree with others, this is a sneaky way to separate without you knowing it, and to establish residency and finance arrangements that you'll find hard to untangle.

Bastard.

A voice of dissent... this is an idea DP and I have floated a few times, with me as the person suggesting. I am certainly not looking to leave him, have my cake and eat it, or whatever else. I genuinely want some space to reevaluate and try to get out of the loop DP and I are in. To try the relationship with a degree of freshness.