Is he attracted to me?

[TickTockClock4]

Married male friend. He calls me for chats 30-90 minutes at a time. Never when he’s with his wife. He hasn’t crossed a line in telling me his feelings but we talk intimately about my relationship and invariably sex comes up in the conversation. Does he fancy me or is he just being a good friend?

We’re in our late thirties. We met after he got married.

I thought it was relevant because I wanted to be transparent about the nature of the friendship. It’s not the type of friendship where we met at uni, have been friends for 20 years, etc. We met much more recently, after marrying other people.

Well if you want transparency ask him. Then you don't have to post yet another tedious thread here about it.

Well that depends on whether I believed him or not.

What the actual fuck?

If you werent interested in it going further, you woildnt care if he meant it or not.

How is you answer not 'end the friendship'

You are either a goady fucker loving the attention on mn. Or trying to live out a fantasy where we all talk about how he would be with you if you met him before her and how much he must like you but it's not meant to be.

No one believes you dont want to hurt the wife, but want to know if he fancies you and then work out what to do if he does.

I wouldn’t end the friendship. He’s my closest friend and I don’t want to lose that. His friendship is very important to me.

He’s playing you like a fiddle. Ditch his “friendship” and focus on your marriage, or leave your husband if you’re incompatible

So you would hurt his wife rather than end the friendship. That makes you very selfish.

You want a friendship where you cab flirt, both fancy eachother, with a married man and expect people to believe you dont want to hurt his wife or take it further

This man has no loyalty to his wife. Lack of loyalty isnt a good quality in a friend.

How’s he playing me?

He hasn’t been disloyal to his wife. He’s just spoken to me on the phone. He hasn’t said he’s attracted to me, hasn’t tried to kiss me or anything.

He hasn’t been disloyal to his wife. He’s just spoken to me on the phone.

Yes he has. He isnt telling her the extent if your friendship. He is hiding the phone calls. That being disloyal.

You have very sketchy values yourself.

You will keep convincing yourself that this is all ok. You dont give a shit about your husband or his wife. All that matters is the attention of this sleeze ball.

When this blows up, there will be only you and him to blame.

I've reported your thread OP. I think you're unkind and disingenuous to post it on the relationships board.

I think there's a very good reason you didn't post it on AIBU. You certainly wouldn't be comforted by the responses you'd get.

I have absolutely no idea what the point of this thread is

He definitely fancies you. He's telling you to work on your marriage to look like the nice guy, and try and work his way deeper into knowing details about your relationship. If you made a move he would 100% reciprocate. He just doesn't want to look like the sleazy husband making the first move on a married woman. If you aren't happy in your marriage, and he isn't in his, have both given it plenty of time and effort to make it work, but it's clearly not going to, there's no reason why you can't both leave your current relationships and see if things can work between the two of you instead. You clearly have alot in common and there's obviously some chemistry there.

@overdrive it's attention seeking, plain and simple. Pathetiic.

*pathetic even. I've no idea where the extra i cane from!

I had no idea that this was an inappropriate subject for the Relationships board. I’m more than happy for MN to take the thread down if it has offended people. I’m sorry.

Ticktock I've been through it (partner cheated and gaslighted and left) and I'm not mad at you posting here. Just want to help, you are on a slippery slope. It's not worth it. It's just not. Sometimes it's hard to see when you're in it I suppose. He is priming you for an affair or just a shag, once you've done it you will not only lose the friendship but possibly much more.

www.oprahmag.com/life/relationships-love/a22676889/signs-of-an-emotional-affair/

Read that link and start back up the slope and save yourself a world of pain. If you're not happy with OH then sort that first and then you can go for someone available.

Thanks Fabled. I really don’t want to lose his friendship.

He hasn’t said he’s attracted to me, hasn’t tried to kiss me or anything

Not yet he hasn't. He's managed to get you to tell him all about your sex life though...give it time. He's too busy convincing you about how nice he is so that when he does say something it will be 'out of character' and he 'just can't help his feelings for you'.

I think he’s a genuinely nice person. Trying to do the right thing. Trying to be a good friend. I think he enjoys my company and maybe even is slightly attracted to me but would never act on it. I don’t think all men are sleazy and manipulative. He’s a good man.

He isnt a good man. Because he wouldnt be lying to his wife.

But carry on your delusion.

I had no idea that this was an inappropriate subject for the Relationships board. I’m more than happy for MN to take the thread down if it has offended people. I’m sorry.

This is where posters come for advice when their life's have been ripped apart by their partner having an affair. That comment alone shows just how lacking you are in any consideration for others. Your poor husband. I hope he finds out and divorces you so that he is free to meet someone who respects him.

I don’t think all men are sleazy and manipulative

They're not. He is though.

Just call his wife and tell her what you and her husband are doing and get her approval to continue the friendship. Easy.