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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Is he attracted to me?

195 replies

TickTockClock4 · 25/05/2019 17:24

Married male friend. He calls me for chats 30-90 minutes at a time. Never when he’s with his wife. He hasn’t crossed a line in telling me his feelings but we talk intimately about my relationship and invariably sex comes up in the conversation. Does he fancy me or is he just being a good friend?

We’re in our late thirties. We met after he got married.

OP posts:
snoopy18 · 25/05/2019 19:09

Sorry but if some woman was calling my OH 30-90 mins each time he would be out the house - it’s not on - how would
You feel if a woman was calling your OH 30-90 mins each time? You must want something from this ‘friend’ to progress else you would het yourself out of the situation before you end up doing something physical

ritchiebaby · 25/05/2019 19:14

Think we all agree its bad idea , Tell him to leave his wife tonite? You will get cold shoulder. I doubt your the kind of person that could potentially break another womans heart and life. Find someone single pls

Original poster
TickTockClock4 · 25/05/2019 19:15

He calls me. I don’t usually call him. We rarely get to meet up in person so nothing physical can happen anyway.

OP posts:
BellatrixLeStrangest · 25/05/2019 19:18

Oh well that's clearly fine then. Just have an emotional affair instead Hmm

overdrive · 25/05/2019 19:21

Is your husband aware of these 30-90 minute phone calls?

Rocketgirl1 · 25/05/2019 19:21

If a married friend was asking me masses of questions about my sex life I would tell him to mind his own business.

TanMateix · 25/05/2019 19:22

He calls, but you stay in the line.

He asks a lot of questions, but you answer too many questions.

It is not as you can shift the responsibility completely to the other person. But the basic thing is that he is the married one, and although you may want to keep your distance to lower the chances of being hurt, he is the one who is in the wrong. He is married, you are not.

overdrive · 25/05/2019 19:23

She is married too.

HollowTalk · 25/05/2019 19:23

Does his wife know that he asks you about your sex life?

He's a fucking creep.

curtainpole12 · 25/05/2019 19:36

My previous comments have been deleted, I still stand by them all

You know what you're doing, he knows what he's doing.

1 just get it over with and do it
2 get a grip of your senses and stop this
3 continue to ask strangers on an Internet forum to validate what you're doing

TanMateix · 25/05/2019 19:40

She is married too.

Ah, I take that back then.

curtainpole12 · 25/05/2019 19:44

You started a thred on the 2nd of may asking the same question albeit in a different way.

You seriously need to give your head a wobble

ElloBrian · 25/05/2019 19:49

Hi OP. Let’s just be clear about one thing, shall we. Is it that you don’t know how inappropriate this behaviour is, or that you know how inappropriate this behaviour is but your desperate need for validation overrides your morality?

Harebel · 25/05/2019 19:55

LOL - are you bored OP?

NK1cf53daaX127805d4fd5 · 25/05/2019 19:57

He is after an ego boost and you are providing it. I'd say it suits him to have you hanging on to his every word

StarLine · 25/05/2019 20:35

Yea, it’s clearly of no importance and you’d never act on it. That’s why you’ve started an adolescent style “do you think he likes meeeeee” thread Hmm

What do you want people to say?

“Ohh hun yep sounds like he’s really into you, best be careful, hehe”?!!

If you really want an opinion..yea it sounds like he’s at least mildly interested in flirting behind his wife’s back or perhaps an illicit fuck.

Happy?

B3ck89 · 25/05/2019 20:50

I feel sorry for your husband Hmm
If my partner was discussing with another woman woman how little often we was having sex his bags would be packed.
You fancy him, and are desperate for him to fancy you.
Your reeling him in by giving him details about your failing marriage.

OldWomanSaysThis · 25/05/2019 21:03

Boundaries, woman. Boundaries!

Icandothisallday · 25/05/2019 21:11

Why would you talk to him for hours in end when you know he is hiding it from his wife?

Original poster
TickTockClock4 · 25/05/2019 21:14

I presume he’s not telling her as he’s always alone when he calls me. Perhaps he does tell her!

OP posts:
Scarlettmaid · 25/05/2019 21:39

Doesn't sound great. Teasing you about your sex life with your OH? Inappropriate and cruel. I get that you want to know if he fancies you. It is thrilling when someone you find attractive finds you attractive too. But is it really all it is? You both spend a lot of time on the phone, discussing really intimate stuff. He is interested yes, but it is not a healthy interest. It is unfair to his wife and to your husband. And if you get hooked on this "friendship" it isn't great for you. It sounds like you should put a stop to this.

somecakefather · 25/05/2019 21:56

He knows that I haven’t had sex for ages so he teases me about that

Omg OP. You are being so naive. Of course he's sussing you out. You are very close to starting an affair, admit it. He just has to say the word and you're in.

somecakefather · 25/05/2019 21:58

Oh and by the way, affairs don't start with sex, they start with secret phone calls and texts.

Prtf1345 · 25/05/2019 21:58

This is a really odd thread. The people who are responding have very narrow mindsets about what the ‘norm’ is. I’d highly recommend Meg Barker, re-writing the rules. Tick tick, I see no reason why you should stop talking to him. We are allowed to fancy other people and as long as you’re in a monogamous relationship and don’t act on it there is nothing wrong with it. I’ve known plenty of people (friends, myself, partner etc) who have fancied someone else, continued talking to that person but not acted on it. It’s entirely possible.

I do think you’re going to get bashed on here. You need to talk to other more mature/open minded /intelligent beings about this. Good luck

Icandothisallday · 25/05/2019 21:59

I presume he’s not telling her as he’s always alone when he calls me. Perhaps he does tell her!
And why havent you queried that?

I would be deeply uncomfortable being great friends with a man if I suspected he kept me a secret from his wife.