Dating thread 160: fallen in love with someone you shouldn’t have fallen in love with

[CassettesAreCool]

The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.

1. Develop a thick skin.
2. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
3. It's all BS until it actually happens.
4. Trust your gut instinct.
5. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
6. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
7. If it's not fun, stop.
8. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread?watched=1

15/05/2019 19:56

Just come across this and haven't read the whole thread. I am sure that someone must have commented that there's a song in there! A nice trip down memory lane for me :)

@StealthNinjaMum MrArt doesn't have kids either and I can't see him again until next week (will be 9 days between first and second date) so I get what you are saying. For that reason I don't have the time to date anyone else either though if I wanted to!

Has he indicated that your lack of free time could be an issue?

@sunshineamdflipflops he hasn't phrased it as a problem just said he wants to see me more and I worry it will become a problem.

Hairy yep very good 1st date
Lots of messaging today, and we're going out for dinner on Thurs.

Maybe don’t borrow trouble here. It may be best to proceed as if it isn’t a problem (unless it actually becomes one).

@Peanuthedz I'm ok, thanks for asking.
I have a quick read through the thread every so often to see how everyone is doing. And decide that I still don't want to date.

Although I had a sort of date the other week. We were supposed to meet months ago and never did. Then he resurfaced and asked again. The date went well, I thought. We exchanged a couple of messages the day after. Haven't heard from him since. But I've discovered he's 8 years older than he told me.

Men like him are why I gave up dating!

This is the reason I'm drinking cocktails 😂

Sometimes it' not age but mindset. I didn't have my first and only child until I was 41. So, I'm different to a lot of my peers who have teens. But it means that I have lived my life to some extent and have a lot of experience to bring to the mix.

Handom.

Random

I've been lurking for a while from the bench of invisibility, feeling really proud of those of you giving up smoking, and willing Lovemusic to please get rid of Mr Dog - you deserve so much better. And LilyRose88 I think we may live in the same area, I've often thought I should pm you as I'm not brave enough to go to events alone. No, that's not quite right, I am, but you can have too much of your own company at times.

HairyArsedMan and I have been in contact about my profile and chewing the cud over the farce that is online dating. I hadn't got round to changing my profile but matched with Mr Smiley. Stupid name but he looked so "open" in his photos. And rather gorgeous. 😍 We've been chatting for a week, I think. I was busy with my play, he was busy at the weekend. Now we've ramped up the messaging and hope to meet. Funny what a difference a few days have made. I must not get invested... Squeee!!!! 😂

Oooh Nest that's progress - when do you think you'll meet?

@NestOfSwipers oh that's exciting....

And he's a bit younger than me! Unfortunately I've got a rather busy weekend planned (for once!) so not sure when we can meet yet. The messaging has been chatty, he hasn't made me feel uncomfortable, we share a similar sense of humour. The chat hasn't got too deep though. He hasn't mentioned his (divorced, it's on his profile) ex once. It's a good thing, but I hope he has an ex...!! 😂 He's stalkable on social media so I'm happy there. It could still go pear shaped, I haven't forgotten that.

Oh that is exciting @NestOfSwipers. I love hearing about a bit of squee potential on here.

@NestOfSwipers do PM me as it would be great to have someone to go to shows and do stuff with. And good luck with Mr Smiley.

I have a second date arranged with Mr K and we have been texting each other a lot. He has quite an alternative sense of humour and embarrassingly I haven't always got his jokes. He has been very sweet about it though. I think we have enough differences for things to be interesting, and we share similar political views and values.

Weirdly a guy who I was texting from POF months ago has suddenly got in touch. He had just stopped texting so I assumed he had met someone else. Apparently he had to work in another city for a month or so and was then on holiday so he just stopped texting me. I explained that I am having a second date with someone at the weekend and didn't want to multi date, but he has asked to stay in touch in case things don't work out with Mr K as he is really keen to meet me. He is quite a bit younger than me but ticks many of my boxes so there is no harm in keeping him in reserve. I won't meet him unless Mr K and I don't work out.

Mr Dog has finally got the message, his reaction was pretty odd. I told him (more clearly this time) that I don’t want to date someone who feels the need to drink before he sees me or my children, also told him that I don’t want to date someone who tells me how I should look or someone who thinks I’m a whore (yes, he basically said that as I have slept with more people than him), I told him that he made me feel inadequate. I got no apology for any of his behaviour, just a “ok, no hard feelings from me” . Anyway, he’s now blocked.

So I have been trialling through animal rescue sights looking for a new pooch and realised that it’s very similar to online dating, the dogs have profile photos, a short description and tick boxes to wether they are good with children and/or cats. I hope finding a dog is easier than finding a man.

Lovemusic you have far more tact than I would in that situation. What a prick!

Glad you're looking for a new pooch. It's a tough topic to broach when someone has just lost a dog, because they don't want to feel like they're replacing.
But, my house felt very empty when our last dog died so although we ummed and arred about it for a bit we got another of the same breed just different colour.
Glad I did now as I'd be all on my own without her. Oh and she doesn't comment on my downstairs manscaping 🤣

No. I can imagine that an actual dog would generally be politer and less pass remarkable about such things.

Glad you’ve finally got rid of Mr Dog. His reaction suggests there’s something seriously wrong with him.

Lovemusic good luck finding another pooch, I hope you find one soon. And I'm so glad that you finally spelled out to Mr Dog why his behaviour was unacceptable. He sounds a bit of a misogynist to be honest.

Month 3 of online dating. Three dates, first one great and felt we had a connection, but he went cold and said he didn't want a second date. second one was nice, but saw some red flags and didn't arrange a second. Third was an old school friend, very good looking, but not keen on all the tatts he has, have slept together and is keen to meet again.

Everyone else I meet on OLD seems to want to talk sexual very quickly. I'm getting bored of it right now. It's so monotonous asking the same questions and I struggle findings stuff to talk about to get the conversation flowing. Deleted POF, Match and i'm on bumble and ok cupid.

@mumhasanicebum well done on the dates and identifying red flags so early on. Sometimes that's the hardest part.

It's awful the sexting chat straight away and the repetitive conversations.

I put the sexting chat straight, I tell them barking up the wrong tree if this all they have in their locker. Then I move on.

I also look for someone who can be different with opening chat. If they bore me I just move on quickly.

It's def a number game unfortunately, but keep going. And use it more as a fun way to pass the time

@lifegoes I think I need to cut them off quickly. Was chatting to another guy this week who seemed lovely, but again saw some red flags and unmatched him. I only have every other weekend off from children and also want to see friends and just can't be bothered with wasting my time.

How do I meet people in the real world? Me and my friend went out at the weekend and we got plenty of attention from guys in their mid twenties. Apparently I look young, but thinking I might need to start going places where older people drink. I'm not a party animal though and don't want to attract someone who just wants to go out and drink.

I would suggest that the totally unnecessary message about being ok after you’ve gone will be what’s unsettling you, @shitwithsugaron. Anyone would feel unsettled by that. Both for the implication about the relationship ending and the pettiness of it. He appears to have stewed on it all night and sent a shitty message in the morning.

I think you may need to have A Conversation about it, because that’s no way to treat you. But do it in person because, as we know, messages can be more ambiguous than we mean them to.

MrSG sometimes reads too much into messages. For example, he asked if I had time for lunch yesterday and I replied ‘yes’ but forgot to put kisses on it (as I usually do). He seemed to worry that it might have been some passive aggressive thing implying I was busy or something, rather than me pressing return too quickly. He’s obviously had experience of an ex or exes who communicate in this weird way.

So I simply reiterated that he never needs to read anything into that kind of thing because I’d just tell him if he’d annoyed me, rather than play some sort of game. I had enough of passive aggressive games and tests for a lifetime with my ex.