Dating thread 160: fallen in love with someone you shouldn’t have fallen in love with

[CassettesAreCool]

The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.

1. Develop a thick skin.
2. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
3. It's all BS until it actually happens.
4. Trust your gut instinct.
5. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
6. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
7. If it's not fun, stop.
8. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread?watched=1

15/05/2019 19:56

@Ant330 racist statements are a red flag for me too. What a shame as your relationship with Miss Oz seemed to be going well.

@LilyRose88 Men who have dating profiles should be put in the bin...sorry still bitter over here. No it's ridiculous thing to say you want. Not Shallow ---- Translation: 'Deeply interested in appearance'

@JeSuisPrest I love your plan of action for the BBQ. Good luck, and I reckon you will smash it. Mr Cornish is clearly smitten with you and once you meet the woman I'm sure you will feel much better.

LilyRose88 I'm shorter than 5'6" and live wearing heals - What was his name 😂 Although how tall was he 🤔
I agree though that is a bit cheeky to put in a profile

Lilyrose is that not supposed to be an ironic comment? The number of women's bios (of those that bother) which say "must be at least x,x as I am x,x and like to wear heels" is remarkably high.

Jesuis remember that however good, no plan survives contact with the enemy. Have you even considered the possibility that you might even like her.
That said, I think even if it's only for your own piece of mind, you do need to metaphorically piss on the lampost, just be prepared to adapt the plan if needed

@supercali77 I thought it was ridiculous and sexist, but I was worried that I too have some very specific criteria and could be accused of being a bit shallow too. However (a) I don't put them in my bio and (b) when I meet a lovely guy who does not fit them, like my current Mr Can'tthinkofanameforhim I give him a chance rather than writing him off (he is a bit chubby and has a dog).

@LMNOhh he didn't put his height but gave his name as Steve and lives on the Hampshire/West Sussex/Surrey borders according to Tinder.

@StarryUnicorn I did wonder whether I was being unreasonable to be offended by the comment, which is why I posted on here.

Well out of idle curiosity I swiped right on him and it turns out that he Super Liked me so we have been matched! This could be very entertaining as I am nearly 5'7 and don't walk well in heels .

eesha yep that was me who had a past iron who was racist although claimed he wasn't!

Oh god on the pics issue from the last thread FWB has quite a few of me and me of him, when we were dating I accidentally sent a video to his mum, he had been away with work for a few months, so you can imagine the content!

The height thing may have been a dig like StarryUnicorn says - one of the funniest profiles I ever read (I've kept it, it was that funny) said "I know it may sound a little shallow but I really only want to meet someone who is shorter than me. I'm six foot four."

Yes Starry I am prepared to do a little lamp post pissing, but I don't want to look desperate - I'm aiming for dignified sophistication with a hint of minxy sex kitten.

@JeSuisPrest you've got this. I can totally picture you channelling the minxy sex kitten look - even though I have no idea what you look like .

Eesha if I'd stuck up for my principles I'd have discussed it there and then but it surprised me so much I just changed the subject.
Supercali I don't know if I'm honest.

Being involved in coaching grassroots football we're encouraged to tackle any sign of racism and educate the kids, it's a bit different when it's coming from your GF in bed rather than a 12 year old on a football pitch though!

Ant330 does miss Oz actually hail from down under? If it's taken this long to get two iffy comments out of her then she may be the least racist Aussie you'll ever meet, in my limited experience it is quite culturally ingrained.
I would honestly be a little more forgiving of an Aussie on the subject, at least to the point of having an actual discussion about it.

@Ant330 I went on a date where a racist joke was told, and I said at the time that I didn't find it funny, and ended the date shortly afterwards. I then texted the person to tell them that I didn't think we had enough in common to meet again, but I did not specifically say it was because of the 'joke' they told. It is a bit different for you because you have been dating her for a while. I don't think there is a right answer, it's up to you to end things in the way that you feel most comfortable.

starry no she only lived there for a couple of years, so it's not that.
Without going into details about the conversation I'd hazard a guess that her parents are racist and it's been ingrained from a young age.
Honestly if it was just that I 'might' be willing to talk about it, but I had my doubts anyway so this is just the final nail.

Hi guys,

Im having a lot of trouble in getting matches on Tinder and Bumble. What makes you swipe right?

Ant330 im Indian. Did she say something bad about India

That’s grim ant, really grim. I’d like to think in your shoes that I would call the other person out on it ie ‘I can’t date you because you are racist’ because good people have to bear witness to bad behaviour, but it’s pretty tough to do that in reality.

You're all very brave!. I still won't consider any form of dating.

There you all are.

Loving this thread. Can I say thank you for all the kind messages before. I've been for a walk and cleared my head. I can't remember who said it but I read someone post about how much further on I am now and that my boundaries are set and I can spit red flags. So that's picked me up.

Ermmm as for the racist comments @Ant330 I don't blame you at all for letting her go. I would say something, but sometimes it's not even worth opening that can of worms. I don't think your heart was in it anyway.

Cassettes that's exactly the dilemma I'm currently having. I'll just play it by ear when we speak.
Ash No but I'd rather not get into what she said about who, suffice to say I don't consider myself particularly sensitive or PC and it surprised me.

@Ant, what a shame she’s racist but I wouldn’t find that acceptable on any level either. Any form of prejudice/discrimination is a big no from me.
Good luck with the talk...it’s horrible whichever ‘end’ you are on.

Yep just need to strap on my big boy pants 🤣