Dating thread 160: fallen in love with someone you shouldn’t have fallen in love with

[CassettesAreCool]

The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.

1. Develop a thick skin.
2. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
3. It's all BS until it actually happens.
4. Trust your gut instinct.
5. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
6. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
7. If it's not fun, stop.
8. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread?watched=1

15/05/2019 19:56

I suspect he’s had some bad experience(s) and has decided that the best way to deal with that is by giving instructions on his profile.

I found profiles that told me what to do SO offputting. It’s like a special subcategory in the bigger category of profiles that preemptively list all the things they anticipate will be wrong with you.

@Crustaceans yes, me too. The lists of 'NO's' on men's profiles gets an immediate swipe left. I get that people have preferences and/or boundaries but can't you ask someone these things if you match, rather than be so rude as to have lists on your profile?!

Yes. Or find a way of writing your profile so that it outlines what they’re looking for in positive terms (rather than a list of nos).

And, as you say, it’s difficult to know why someone may still be mid-divorce process. Being divorced (or never married) is no guarantee that someone’s life will be more straightforward either. So it doesn't even make much sense as an exclusion criterion.

@shitwithsugaron Many of them are total hypocrites too. There are an amazing number of people on OLD insisting on criteria they don’t themselves meet. In particular, I remember a lot of balding, middle ages dad bods who seemed to think that they were reasonable in vetoing anyone with other than model-like proportions/looks.

And, yes, you’d expect them to be utterly perfect, since they’re expecting that in you.

peanut sorry you’re feeling down I am still off Nick O’Teen. Thanks for remembering. It’s been about 7 weeks and finding it quite easy now. I have 3-4 nicotine lozenges a day but no urge to smoke. You can do it tooold first few weeks are tough!

Gosh what a sporty lot! I try and do Pilates and barre but I get enticed by beer gardens instead!

Re TV recommendations I assume everyone has already watched Fleabag but if not do so. BBC I player

Well done on the not smoking, @ It’s great that you’re now finding it easier.

I’m doing a barre class this evening. And also a reformer class. I fear this may be stupid, as the teacher always makes the barre class really tough.

@BatshitCrazyWoman He's normally lovely to sleep with (in all senses ) - doesn't snore, not a duvet hogger etc. we've had about 20 sleep overs in the last couple of months and never had an issue - perhaps that's why it was such a shock to the system?!

@Peanuthedz How did it go with MrUnsuitable last night?

@Lovemusic33 MrDog seems a bit hard of thinking if he hasn't go the message yet.

I'm Netflixxing Orange is the New Black on my own and Sneaky Pete on Prime with MrC.

Excercise for me is HIIT classes twice a week and 1 or 2 weight sessions. The further I get away from 40 the harder it is to keep weight off. I refuse to give up booze and I do like a nice foody treat - everything in moderation...

You guys have all inspired me to get that new gym membership started as I have now cancelled my old gym membership. They do barre classes and HIIT classes and I can do weights and resistance machines while I am recovering from my poorly foot.

I am feeling more upbeat this week, but I am struggling to motivate myself to go in to work and I am putting off dealing with work-related things. There are some unpleasant issues at work which have impacted on me quite strongly and I have taken a few knocks to my confidence. They have not been resolved awfully well and it has resulted in me developing a rather negative attitude to my job. I'm sure I will get through it but in the meantime I need to make sure that I fill my non-work time with pleasant activities.

I have been watching What If on Netflix and can also recommend Stranger Things, Sex Education, The OA, Afterlife, Sense8, Altered Carbon and Making a Murderer. I am quite the binge watcher. .

Oh everything was fine with mr U. It's me. Maybe it's time to end it. I can't think straight. Not that I ever follow my head anyway, I'm totally emotion led. He came over, caught up, had amazing sex. We can't really see each other now til the weekend though. Everything was completely normal. I'm just so flat I can't work out whether I've had enough and want to move on to a proper relationship with someone who could integrate into my life. Which I was adamant I don't want. I guess I'm not feeling smitten. And if I'm not smitten there's not a lot of point. But is that because my thyroid is low (I can't keep referring to my condition!) or because our relationship has reached the end.

I don't exercise but I do swim most days. And cycle around. I can't stand classes or the gym.

@Crustaceans my DCs have banned me from talking about swimming!

Re TV. Find it hard to concentrate but catching up on series 2 of Mum. Gentle and funny. And watching zombie films with Mr U 🤣

I guess I have to hope it is my thyroid and that they increase my dose. Then I can see how I feel about him. It's good we can't see each other much ATM

@LilyRose88 The new series of stranger things will be out soon to.

Off to meet MrNoName in a about half an hour for ‘lunch’, binging some food now so I won’t be starving when I get back to work. I haven’t seen him since he was absolutely off his face, he was really embarrassed the next day when I facetimed him 😂

Maybe hold off on the MrU decision until you’ve sorted out the issues related to your condition. It sounds like it’s all good when you’re together, and it may be low mood/Thyroid issues.

DS2 would be very happy to talk to you about swimming. But you’d have to listen to the ridiculous ideas of a 9 year old boy. E.g. ‘Mum, I think I will just not breathe at all during the ’. Usually I don’t offer any coaching style advice, but I felt confident that suggesting that he should definitely breathe (as he’s been coached to) was not going to undermine his coach. 😂

I had to go to an hour long ‘parents: don’t be arseholes’ talk from the head coach of his club last night. Mostly I marvelled at the stupid things the coaches have to put up with. And wondered what kind of idiot would be complaining that they didn’t get to spend enough time ferrying their kids to pools at unsociable hours.

@Peanuthedz I have an underactive thyroid and my GP where I lived previously was really good. She got me on quite a high dose of thyroxine which made me feel great and also meant that I stopped putting on weight when I so much as sniffed a doughnut . My new GP is extremely unsympathetic and reduced my dose of thyroxine as he said that my thyroid level was at the high point of normal. I explained that my previous GP recommended that I needed a high dose to remove the symptoms of feeling low and putting on weight (and being constantly exhausted) but he refused to continue prescribing that level. I need to think about finding another GP but there are not many near me who have vacancies. And knowing my luck I would end up with another numpty who doesn't accept my situation.

SimonJT I am eagerly awaiting the new series of Stranger Things.

@Lovemusic33 ignoring Mr Dog means you are ghosting him and no one likes that when it happens to them.
You need to be straight with him and tell him that he isn't right for you. Then block him if he doesn't get the message.
Apart from not meeting your needs and not being there for you, he hasn't done anything wrong.

I don’t know, they secretly drinking loads at @Lovemusic33’s house strikes me a ‘doing something wrong’.

It is probably the case that a short, very clear message and then blocking is the best way to go here though.

God I'm tired, got about 3 hours sleep last night
Date last night, I'll call her MissHair, went very well. We went to the pub and conversation flowed for 4 hours and then I booked a taxi with the intent to drop her off and go home, but got invited in for a drink
Still had every intention of going home, but there were no drivers available in the early hours due to Ramadan apparently. So ended up staying over and getting up at 6.30 to get out b4 her kids got back. We didn't dtd but weren't exactly well behaved for a 1st date 🙈 Certainly put paid to my plan of taking things slowly!
This is no way to start a week, had a great time but feel like shit today! Seeing each other again either tomorrow or Thurs, with a request for "somewhere near your house"

@Crustaceans I agree, but that only once at her bbq.
And if I've read it right, Lovemusic still invited him back to her house last Saturday. He had possibly been drinking when he arrived but wasn't secretly drinking at her house then.

Myself and Lovemusic are possibly the longest residents on this thread, so I've seen her good nature taken advantage of too many times.
That's why I think she needs to be absolutely clear to Mr Dog that she wants nothing more from him. And then block him. Not just ghost him.

@LilyRose88 we could start an entire dating with thyroid offshoot thread. My GP has been terrible. I've actually skipped my thyroxine today and tomorrow before I have blood tests because although I know it is low for me it might not be what the gp considers low. It's a nightmare. You should definitely change yours and find someone sympathetic to you. Or who understands thyroid issues. I honestly don't know what areas GPs do understand. Had a nightmare with them not understanding HRT now this. I feel terrible. (Did I mention that??) exhausted and depressed and I'm losing my few remaining eyelashes. Hot! Perhaps today is not the day to try out photo feeler!

@Peanuthedz ah yes, HRT. I did go on it briefly but again my GP really didn't understand it and I ended up on one that made me quite ill. I came off it in the end and feel so much better. I also stop taking my thyroxine for a few days before blood tests but I think it stays in your bloodstream for so long that it doesn't make a lot of difference to the test. I do have eye lashes but I have virtually no eyebrows and can sleep for 12 hours solid if I don't set my alarm, but according to my GP I am fine! I also get low moods which generally coincide with when my exhaustion really kicks in. The challenge is finding a GP who is sympathetic to thyroid issues as I may end up changing GP and finding that the new one is just as bad.

@Ant330 sounds like your date with MissHair was just what you needed. Hope your second date goes equally well.

@Ant330 Glad your date went well.

I'm trying to arrange next week's date with MrArt but as its a Tuesday evening and we live 45 mins-1hr apart, It's difficult to think of what to do! He doesn't have a car but has offered to come to my town on the train for when they kids are picked up but my town isn't so great and I also quite like keeping my private life private, which isn't easy to do here. He was sweet though and after trying to get me to stay over or for him to come home with me after our first date, he said that I shouldn't worry and we would just go for drinks and he would get the train home.

I could meet him in the city between us, like I did on Sunday evening but my the time I get there we'd only have about 3 hours.

I guess 3 hours is long enough...it's just that the first date lasted 6 hours!

I'd love to know what nickname I'd get on here!

🤣 me too! Baldy probably!

LilyRose yes exactly what I needed, glad my friends talked me out of cancelling now!