Dating thread 160: fallen in love with someone you shouldn’t have fallen in love with

[CassettesAreCool]

The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.

1. Develop a thick skin.
2. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
3. It's all BS until it actually happens.
4. Trust your gut instinct.
5. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
6. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
7. If it's not fun, stop.
8. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread?watched=1

15/05/2019 19:56

I guess 3 hours on a Tuesday isn’t bad really.

I dread to think what I’d be named on here too. 😂

Sunshineandflipflops that sounds tricky. I try to find guys who live within easy reach of where I live as I have been caught out in the past with logistical problems. I'm trying to remember if you have mentioned before whether he can drive or not. If he can't drive at all do you see the relationship being sustainable?

Normally I would say that 3 hours is fine for a date, but if your first date lasted 6 hours you may want to find another place to meet up. I do understand you not being keen to see him in your home town. Plus you might be tempted to take him home (unless you fancy doing that of course ).

MyOld I sent him a message 2 days ago telling him to go and find someone more suitable (though I didn’t say it that nicely) I’m sure it was obvious enough that I didn’t want to see him again? I don’t see it as ghosting?

What did you do for 6 hours??

@LilyRose88 Yes, I think it might be too much of a temptation and I kind of wanted to not rush things. On the other hand...😉😂

@LooUpdate we went to a few bars, had a bite to eat. The time flew and we only called it a day because of my last train home.

Plus (and this sounds awful) MrSAS was very good in bed and I'm now worried no-one else is going to compare...

@Lovemusic33 my apologies. You only said that you'd told him why you were pissed off with him. Not that you'd told him to get lost.
I didn't realise you'd made it clear you didn't want to see him again.

But I still don't get why you haven't blocked him if he's still bothering you 2 days later.

@sunshineandflipflops - There's only one way to find out - it might be with MrArt, it might not be, but I'm sure you'll find someone who matches up to MrSAS, perhaps even better?

MrAbs was pretty good and the thought of not having sex with him again was probably the thing that upset me most at the time (we were together for 4 months) , but then I met MrPlumber (OMG), then a couple of others (OK but no mental connection) and now MrCornish (I'll keep this one please - he turns on my brain and my bits) - all good in their own way. And if things don't work out with MrC, then I'm not so hung up on the sex because I know good sex with the right person is out there and it's not a once in a lifetime winning the lottery type thing - they've all got basically the same equipment, it's just what they do with it that counts. Some you click with more than others mentally and/or physically - it's trying to find the perfect balance of the two that's the toughest part ime.

Any sex compared to sex with my ex is good.

Out of the 8 people I've had sex with since my separation 4 have been fantastic, 1 rubbish and the rest ok. That's not bad! I think you find different good things with different people,

I think with sex it’s sometimes about getting sufficient practice with the same person. It might be good (or even great) the first time, but it can still improve.

But, I do agree that any sex would almost certain be better than sex with my ex. That was just traumatic.

Block him @Lovemusic33. Maybe after a message to say that you are doing so and not to try to contact you again.

I look at my exes GF and feel incredulous she's choosing to have sex with him. He's rubbish. Apart from the fact he's fat and smells bad. And yes I know I married him...

@Lovemusic33 You do seem to have had a bad run with men. Sometimes they need it spelling out and blocking. I had this with one man. I kept telling him to get back on tinder and he didn't get it.

@MyOldBrainStoppedWorking How are you? I know you stopped dating but you must be lurking!

Yeah, I've not had 'bad' sex since my separation but MrSAS was definitely in the 'amazing' category!

I love your post @JeSuisPrest about sex and it being out there. I've had some great sex and some poor. My last one was ok, nothing flash and felt I lead the way. My ex was really good but he was a cock and my ex before that was good.

I'm not worried that a man might be poor in bed I'm more worried that he's a compulsive liar and absolute cock 😂

Really enjoying talking to my new iron not sure on a name yet, maybe Mr humm won't be meeting him till next week.

Also 28 days non smoking (using a vape tho) for someone who has smoked since she was a teenager I'm really shocked at how well I'm doing with it.

@lifegoes Well done you!

I just think I'd never be able to 'dump' someone because the sex was bad as I'd feel too awful so I'd rather it was good 😂

MrArt has made it clear he wants to get me alone. Part of me wants to wait a while and the other part wants to find out what a (slightly) younger man is like 😁

Well done @lifegoes. 28 days. Your lungs will be feeling the benefit already.

What would you gain by waiting a bit @Sunshineandflipflops? If it isn’t anything much, then maybe just go for it.

@Sunshineandflipflops thank you.

I wouldn't dump someone straight away if they were poor. I would try and teach and them and talk about what I like. If that didn't help, I'd dump them

Just go for it, nothing to lose and everything to gain.

@Crustaceans yeah I can see the difference in running already

@Crustaceans I don't know really. I think it is partly to do with the fact that I have already doubled my sexual partners post separation

Im not ashamed or anything (I could count on one hand before) but also don't want to rack up too many too quickly either.

I bet men don't think this way.

@Crustaceans

I think with sex it’s sometimes about getting sufficient practice with the same person. It might be good (or even great) the first time, but it can still improve.

I personally subscribe to this, and unless I see myself being with them a long time (to get lots of practice!) I don’t have sex with them, certainly avoids bad sex!

@Sunshineandflipflops I bet one of them does. I'm similar to you with pre- and post split numbers and it has been a varied experience with one constant - me , so I'm firmly of the opinion it takes two to tango.

@Ant330 That sounds like a very, very good first date!

My pre split numbers were quite small and I'm looking forward to substantially increasing them!

A date tomorrow with Mr Smile although I am still slightly smitten with Mr Runner who I am seeing on Saturday. On paper Mr Smile is much more suitable but there is so much chemistry with Mr Runner.

@StealthNinjaMum if you are feeling it with MrRunner then why bother with the other guy?
I know a lot of people prefer to multi-date but I think if you know there is something there with one guy then there's no harm in putting your energy into him (pun very much intended )

I totally agree with @Sunshineandflipflops . But I only date one at a time once I've DTD. I couldn't cope with more

@sunshineandflipflops I honestly don't know! I didn't expect to like Mr Runner as much as I do and I'm a bit anxious about it. I don't know if it's just the chemistry. From a practical point of view our lifestyles are completely different as he doesn't have kids and we don't have a huge amount in common. On top of that my ex doesn't have the kids very often and Mr Runner has said he'd like to see me more so I think he'd be more suited to someone without kids.

I hadn't intended to multi date but felt Mr Runner was a bit distant after sex the first time. He's now apologised. Rationally I also wonder if he doesn't drink too much too but he is very good in bed