Why do men cheat?

[birling]

If they're "happy"? First loves, intensive relationship, two children

Why cheat?

People can cheat without being unhappy at home. What matters is opportunity. Sex is nice, sex with someone new is exciting, people like it so they do it. They think they’ll get away with it and a lot of them do.

My ex never wanted to leave me and loved me as much as he's capable of

same here. He was most unhappy getting the papers. Even after his second gf texts were going back and forth 'lets not divorce'.

someone who is sexually fulfilled and happy with the relationship in general, would never cheat.

yeees, because men NEVER cheat on women who love and desire them ... our marriage was 4x week and lots of play, next excuse!

When I asked him why, he said 'because she is new'

I cheated on an ex because he was manipulative and an emotional bully. I wasn't happy in the relationship but afraid to leave. I wasn't attracted to him either. Looking back I was vulnerable.
Obviously I knew what I was doing but if I found myself in that situation now, I would leave.
I'm happy with my husband, love him and I don't even look at anyone else. I think it is all circumstancial.

Most people cheating are just enjoying a bit of extra I reckon. No matter how good a relationship is, sex becomes a different animal over time and none of us can compete thrills wise with that feeling of wanting and being wanted by someone new and exciting. I’d hope most of us would put our families before that feeling but lots can’t / don’t resist.

Because they're too cowardly to admit they no longer want to be in an exclusive relationship and give their partner the xhance to make an informed decision.

Ego x

I've had many opportunities to cheat over the years. I've been drunk, sober, in my city, away for the night. The men have been drop dead gorgeous, charming, hilarious etc and I have been seriously tempted quite a few times. But the reason I have never cheated is because I can't bear the thought of causing my dh that much pain, I imagine his face if he found out and it breaks my heart. I just couldn't do that to him. So I guess I think that people who cheat just don't really love their partners enough unfortunately, and they are incredibly selfish. Also I'm quite confident in myself and I have no problems with turning men down though I have to admit it is a nice ego boost to have a good looking guy trying it on with me

"Women have no idea how much
Men hate them"

To answer op - because they can.

opportunity and to boost ego, to prove they've "still got it"
or are unfulfilled in the relationship.

Horrible. A break up is shit and horrible. Its a whole new life even worse if you've been cheated on.

So I guess I think that people who cheat just don't really love their partners enough unfortunately, and they are incredibly selfish.

In a nutshell.

If you love and respect your partner, you won't cheat. If you don't you might.

Yes, you can fancy other people, yes you can be tempted, but if you love your partner enough, you'll leave it at that.

barryfromclateisfit

People can cheat without being unhappy at home. What matters is opportunity. Sex is nice, sex with someone new is exciting, people like it so they do it. They think they’ll get away with it and a lot of them do”.

What a shit attitude to go through life with. Glad I don’t feel that way.

Why can we never discuss an issue without then"women do it too you know!" crew steaming on. Start a thread about that if you want to discuss it.

But that's the point - it isn't a different conversation about women, shitty behaviour is a human trait not a male one!

A pp posted:

"Women have no idea how much Men hate them"

The enormous irony of this statement clearly lost on a thread peppered with massive generalisations about 'men' as if half of humanity are one homogeneous mass who think and behave in a certain way - most of those opinions about men being negative or nasty and bitter. I pity those who are so indoctrinated into the belief that men are this terrible breed who 'all' operate in an identical manner. There are of course plenty of rational contributions about people who cheat, its the title and answers to the direct question that are the issue..

It is disheartening and depressing as a mother of two kind, honest, principled boys and having a husband, brother and father who are all incredible people - faithful, kind and honest, that they live in a society where women will view them in this way simply because they own a penis. I would be equally appalled if 'women' as a group were being generalised about negatively.

Of course some men are cheating lying arseholes, as are some women - but not by any means all of them. I really hope that the women posting/thinking this shit about men really think about the message they are sending to their sons by spouting such utter nonsense.

If you want to look at why it is taking society so long to reach the point of equality this is a classic example . Keep setting us apart and we'll never get there, there is a massive difference between misandry and feminism and statements like that horrific and embarrassingly outdated Germaine Greer one getting trotted out shows that sadly there are a lot of people still falling into the misandry camp...

Hating all 'men' must be exhausting and debilitating on a daily basis, I'm very glad I don't because I have had an amazing amount of joy and happiness in my life from all the people in it, regardless of the contents of their pants - and all because thankfully I don't discriminate or judge them or have any pre-conception of their behaviour which is dependent on their sex.

So, no - no separate thread required thanks.

luxurybiscuit

Common sense and reality for a lot of people. Thank you, couldn’t agree more.

There are many things that are predominantly male or female problems. Cheating on partners isn’t one of them.

Women and Men conduct relationships very differently. They hold different positions in society as a whole and men often hold more power therefore it's a very different conversation and it's fine to discuss each separately. We are not exactly the same and it's silly to pretend we are just to be "fair".

And I too have a wonderful, kind, genuine, loyal son. But I have also worked and lived in male dominated situations almost my whole life. There are differences and they're worth discussing.

Individuals conduct relationships very differently, whatever their sex. Some men value fidelity, some women don’t. It’s a question of character not gender.
Branding all men and women the same way is silly.

I don't agree. My work and my living situations have shown me huge differences. For example the huge amount of men who will abandon their children, refuse to pay or be in regular contact. Yes women do it too but not nearly on the same scale as men do and that is accepted societally. That is just one big difference, there's plenty more. Those kinds of differences are worth discussing. I lived in an environment with 100's of men who thought nothing of cheating, it was part of a Saturday night out. They worked away for months at a time and would have full on relationships with locals while calling home every day, then they left without a backward glance to to go home to their real lives and relationships. I have never seen large groups of women behave like this. This is not man bashing. It is my observations over a lot of years.

I’ve seen some pretty appalling behaviour from married women too over 55 years.
I must just personally have been unusually blessed with mostly decent male friends, colleagues, husband and son.
Mind you, my natural father was a dangerous nut.
Let’s agree to differ.

Look, if you love fruit and you discover the most amazing apples and you manage to work hard and own the most amazing apple orchard in the world, that doesn't stop you from craving pears. You might still love apples and never want to stop eating apples or growing apples but when someone offers you a pear....

Marriage and commitment don't stop you from being human and humans love interactions, communication, feeling desired, desiring, the thrill of something new...all sorts of feelings don't just go away because you are with someone you love. You need to make a choice to forgo the other things if you want to be in a monogamous relationship but it is naive to think that happy married people are not tempted. And some people are better at avoiding or turning down temptation than others. Being around someone who you find attractive and who finds you attractive makes your brain release certain chemicals. Love chemicals. Oxytocin, seratonin, dopamine. These chemicals make you want more. It takes real effort to move away. Some people are not expecting how strong the feelings can be...It doesn't mean they are not happy.

I don't think anyone is suggesting that you might not be tempted by other people even though you love your partner and are happy in your relationship.

What people are emphasising is that feeling attraction or temptation is totally different from acting on that attraction. And let's face it, unless we're maybe beautiful actresses away on location with hot co-stars for weeks on end, most of us probably aren't going to be surrounded by highly attractive people all that often.

Being around someone who you find attractive and who finds you attractive makes your brain release certain chemicals. Love chemicals. Oxytocin, seratonin, dopamine. These chemicals make you want more. It takes real effort to move away.

Not really. There are usually quite a few stages you go through between feeling an initial attraction for someone and ending up naked in bed with them. If you're in a relationship and meet someone you're attracted to, you can decide not to put yourself in situations where you might be alone with them or otherwise tempted to take things further. Or you can decide not to. Either way, it's up to you.

Weak / selfish / flattered / opportunistic / all of the above

Same goes for loads of women who cheat too obvs.

Ok so if a man cheats once for reasons such as ego boosting or mid life crisis etc
Would he do it again? Would he have had this cheap thrill and be satisfied ?

I think men have the same desires and wants as Women and it’s not just about the sexual act. If it was wouldn’t they just pay for it? Much simpler transaction with no complications. They want to feel desired and they want a woman to feel desired by them. A colleague of mine tried to explain his decision to leave his wife and kids for his affair partner and he came out with “I was just totally bored with her. She was happy watching Eastenders and box sets every night while I wanted more” I asked why he didn’t Instigate the split before the affair and his answer was that he didn’t know he wanted to split until he met someone who shared his passions and he realised what was missing in his life.

How do you deal with it??

Quite simply you end it and find someone who can keep their genitals to themselves