Why do men cheat?

[birling]

If they're "happy"? First loves, intensive relationship, two children

Why cheat?

and because you say you've cheated yourself, you might well prefer to believe that women cheat for less 'sordid' reasons then men, ie, not just wanting a shag with a fresh piece, but wanting love and attention and all that cuddly stuff.

That's s gigantic assumption which seems to be your MO. I cheated for whatever reasons I cheated (not love and attention - when is incidentally is not why I think the vast majority of women cheat, which you would know if you read and understood my posts), other people cheated for whatever reasons they cheated .. I observed that the women I knew were less likely to cheat for opportunistic sex than the men.

Are you being deliberately obtuse are you just obtuse?

No, I'm just pointing out the silliness of reducing a 'huge debate' to a 'few seconds on google'.

And yes you are right in saying it's an ongoing debate and there is conflicting evidence. But talking about gendered brain 'spectrums' seems like codswallop to me.

That's s gigantic assumption which seems to be your MO.

But not as gigantic an assumption as dividing the human race into two neat little groups who behave differently because of 'evolutionary wiring' and 'brain spectrums'.

The third is generally only for men:
- They are shaggers

As someone who spent most of his career travelling both domestically and internationally I can say from personal experience that women when holed up in a nice hotel far away from home are just as likely as men to 'play away' safe in the knowledge that the chances of getting caught are slim.

Wow... I've lost count of the number of outdate, sexist, misogynistic stereotypes you've trotted out morality

List them and I'll respond.

I'd love to see some actual, credible research for what you're suggesting.

Which part?

That in my experience and observation women are less likely to cheat for sex than men. I don't know if there's any research on the subject and am not quoting any .. I have said repeatedly that it is my observation from men and women I know who've cheated.

That the women i know tend to be exceptionally lacking in empathy and to compartmentalise - as above. Purely observation - all the posters on here are staying their opinions based on observation, no studies attempting to price why men and women cheat have been referenced. And even if they were, no doubt there'd by a conflicting study.

That the tendency to lack empathy and compartmentalise tends to be associated with the extreme end of the male spectrum; or that there is a spectrum/differences at all ... There's been a huge amount of research (ongoing) on that, as I said already I'm not finding and quoting a hundred studies for posters on here, you can access all the info you want yourself.

Might I add for the sake of the binary thinkers - I am not (and have never said) that no women cheat solely for opportunistic sex. Nor that all men do.

From what I see around me, quite often because their wives stop sleeping with them

Nor am I saying that any spectrum is major or that people don't vary along it.
Nor am I saying that lots of other factors don't influence people's behaviour around infidelity. Nor am I excusing male infidelity - not one iota.

But not as gigantic an assumption as dividing the human race into two neat little groups who behave differently because of 'evolutionary wiring' and 'brain spectrums'.

Can you read?
I haven't done that.

I think we'd be best to avoid engaging each other further on this.

From what I see around me, quite often because their wives stop sleeping with them

You can SEE this?

As in, you are in these couple's homes and you can see with your own eyes that women are refusing to sleep with their husbands?

Or when you say you 'see' it, do you really mean you 'hear' it from men looking for excuses for shagging other women?

icedpurple people do talk you know, especially after they've split up. I have several female friends who basically never let their husband near them any more. My DH left his wife after 10 years of drought, my SIL hasn't had sex since she's been a mum, one of my closest friends is so obsessed with her child she hardly even notices her husband any more, etc, etc.

people do talk you know, especially after they've split up.

Well yeah, they talk, but they don't always tell you the full truth.

I have several female friends who basically never let their husband near them any more. My DH left his wife after 10 years of drought, my SIL hasn't had sex since she's been a mum, one of my closest friends is so obsessed with her child she hardly even notices her husband any more, etc, etc.

Etc etc? You must hang out with a dysfunctional lot.

Actually no, icedpurple I don't think they are dysfunctional

morality I know I can access research myself and do quite frequently. I'm interested in what research you have used base your opinions because as far a I can see it's mainly anecdotal or personal observations.

Actually no, icedpurple I don't think they are dysfunctional

I think if you don't have sex with your partner for 10 years, then your relationship is highly dsyfunctional.

As in, you are in these couple's homes and you can see with your own eyes that women are refusing to sleep with their husbands?

It does happen though. You get men on here asking for advice on this very subject. Can't say i have hidden in someones home to varify such a thing but I have noticed in recent years a complaint from some of my friends that their wives have decided that sex is no longer on the agenda. Objectively these men are attentive loving husbands who more then pull their weight with child rearing and domestic chores but have just found their roles redefined as breadwinner only. None of these men want or are seeking an affair, just intimacy with their wives. Im not sure how I would behave after years of being in a sexless marriage but I can how some people can start to be tempted to stray.

some of my friends that their wives have decided that sex is no longer on the agenda

But do your friends ever stop to ask why?

Maybe their wives haven't gone off sex in general, just sex with them? Perhaps if Chris Hemsworth was in their bed, sex might be 'on the agenda'?

Objectively these men are attentive loving husbands who more then pull their weight with child rearing and domestic chores but have just found their roles redefined as breadwinner only.

When you say 'objectively' do you mean your opinion is based on discussions with both the husband and the wife? Or on the anything but objective statements of one party only?

Sorry , the “not happy” is simply not true and often an excuse to defend their behaviour . I know over 6 men, who have consistently cheated on every parent they have ever had just because (and this is from their own mouth) they prefer variety and don’t want to just be limited to having sex with the one partner. Are they ever honest about this to their wife /girlf at the time? of course not. Are they miserable in their relationships? No , they are just greedy and also get thrills from the secret keeping. Nothing complex really ...

• partner not parent ....ewwww

When I was 17-18 it was all soooo black and white...now I'm 44...I see things are a little more in the gray shades. I distinguish between the serial womaniser, doesn't matter who he is with, he will cheat, and the person who has met someone else. Yes, leave a relationship and start a new one. It isn't always that easy.

Often it’s because they find a woman with no self-esteem who’s willing to be his boink on the side.

@SVRT19674 but it is that easy , everyone thinks their relationships are so nuanced and rare 🙄, no one is physically held or forced into a relationship, just leave.

There are an awful lot of self serving statements here about men and women cheating. It’s disrespectful to your partner of course and the deception is what really hurts.

But I am really unconvinced that women have more refined motivations than men in cheating because of a desire for romance or intense emotional connection. That is a way to make the sex that much better for women. It’s not a really refined motivation, and arguably, the old line from men “it was just sex” is possibly less hurtful than a woman who seeks the romantic connection but doesn’t leave her partner.

teddybear or they meet a woman with high self-esteem who wants him as her bonk on the side, and he is motivated to be so. (It bugs me that on MN it seems only women have low self-esteem and the man is the blooming prize. Maybe I've got the wrong end of the stick there.)

everyone thinks their relationships are so nuanced and rare

Well, exactly!

Other folks have sordid flings with Jack or Jill from HR, but not me! My relationship is special and sophisticated, even if I am going out of my way to deceive the person to whom I owe the greatest loyalty.