Why do men cheat?

[birling]

If they're "happy"? First loves, intensive relationship, two children

Why cheat?

Why do women cheat?

Why do women cheat?

Ime

• they have low self esteem and 'need' validation and ego boost

• they have low morals

• they are unhappy in their relationship

• they settled and don't fancy/respect their partner

With women its rarely primarily about sex, with men it's usually the opposite. But they'll say they're unhappy because they know their chances of getting an affair partner if they're totally honest is next to nil.

Men and women cheat because they’re arseholes.

If your not happy, move on, don’t lie and cheat.

I think the person who said about the attraction of ‘new’ had it right. Someone who hasn’t heard their stories 20 times or knows they are useless about the house etc , I do think reasons are often different in women. In my experience a woman is often ‘not happy’ or dissatisfied in whatever way, with men I think it’s often more about the ‘new/buzz’

Isn't it to do with the size of their balls and how much semen they have ready to 'go'?
I might have my apes mixed up here but gorillas have small balls and are monogomous. Chimps have big ones so need to be able to spread the 'love'. Consequently they're randy buggers. And male homo sapiens are somewhere in the middle.

Again, I might have my apes mixed up!

With women its rarely primarily about sex, with men it's usually the opposite

This is the old stereotype, but I don't believe it's true.

*Ime the kind of men who cheat would never ever want an open marriage.

The while point is that the 'extra' is ok for them, but not for their partner. They want a faithful partner, but don't want to be faithful themselves.*

Agree with you here.

They want the security and stability of a committed relationship, but want their freedom to pursue other options too. I say THEIR freedom because, as you say, they certainly do not want this freedom to be extended to their female partners.

morality it wasn't a serious question.
Men and women cheat for exactly the same reasons. There is no point asking why 'men' cheat. It's why do people cheat.

It depends what you mean by cheat. Some people are not happy and are looking for something else. Some people like the chase/high emotional state. Some do it for more/different sex. There's lots of reasons.
I have two friends who technically cheat (they call it R & R) while away on business.

'Technically' cheat... lol. I'm picturing Meccano being involved somehow.

My take is, don't make the vows if you don't mean them. There is zero need to get married.

I agree with Iced and Constanza. Men and women are unfaithful for the same reasons.

NC'd for this. I'm cheating on my husband. The OM is also married. We live in different countries so have only seen each other 3 times in the last 6 months but message constantly- up to 200 times a day. When we're together, the physical connection is intense and addictive. For both of us, the feeling of having another person desiring us so strongly is utterly compelling and far more important than the sex.

200 times a day? That's a lot of emotional energy you are diverting away from your husband. Don't you think he would like to receive this kind of attention from you?

RiversDisguise- yes, it's a lot. I now feel I share more with the OM than with my husband. I feel totally powerless to stop. It's surprised me that OM wants the emotional connection as much as he does as if he just wants sex, there has to be an easier way than this. But he seems just as dependent on the emotional side as me. I know logically it's wrong. But it feels so amazingly right.

My ex husband cheated we were together 20 years. I didn’t have a clue he was unhappy! He never said or acted like we were I honestly thought we had a great marriage! It knocked me on my arse! I have a new partner now but have zero trust in anyone... ppl who cheat really have no idea how much I can destroy the other person

It*

Itsme, but messaging someone 200 times a day who is away and being with that person 24/7 are very different.

What are you going to do?

ppl who cheat really have no idea how much I can destroy the other person

This is 100 spot on. I too am in a new relationship after being cheated on repeatedly. I know i will never have 100% trust in my DP. Not through any fault of his. It is just this damaging.

@ItsMeAnnie Why don't you leave your husband?

My partner says she'll never cheat on me and I tell her she can't actually say that for sure.

Isthismylifenow- I don't know what I'm going to do. Carry on for now. I've got 3 meetings with him in the next few months. They're all a few days at a time. Part of the reasons affairs work is because they're not 24/7 and you don't have to deal with all the mundane aspects of life with the affair partner. Just the exciting bits. That is what provides the addictive escape that is so hard to let go of- I feel like another person because of OM's attention.

MrMagooo- because fear of the unknown is so much worse than staying. Until I have a known to go to, I can't imagine leaving. Selfish but true. I suspect that's why most people stay.

That’s exactly it. My new partner is amazing but I thought the same of my ex! Unhappy leave. Don’t put someone on that position it is honestly soul destroying. I trusted my ex 100%. That was my biggest mistake and now sadly my DP suffers for it

I read somewhere ages ago that men cheat for three reasons and women for two. This has stayed with me and really made me think.

The first two reasons are the same for both :

• the relationship is basically over or they want it to be
• they are very insecure or have low self-esteem

The third is generally only for men:

• They are shaggers