Suspicious texts

[MrsSeanBakedBean]

I have found some suspicious texts on an iPad linked to DH's phone. Just called the number (withholding mine) and it went through to voicemail.

Texts from DH were asking 'when are you working next?'

The reply is addressing DH by a wrong (made up?) name saying 'I'm in flat d'. There are later texts arranging to meet for lunch / coffee.

It sounds like he's been texting a Dec worker. I'm feeling sick & shaky.

What should I do- confront him or wait?

We have been married 13 years and have one DS.

I would get legal advice appointment booked sharpish.

I would monitor for now (I speak from experience) gather evidence, make notes and times, act very normal, I believe from what you have said he is having an affair of some sort. If you stay normal he will get more complacent and trip up at some point. Could you buy a cheap second hand phone set up a tracking app on it (like find my iPhone) and hide it in his car on silent. Then you can track his where abouts and if he’s really where he says he is. Good luck OP it’s really shit but have good finances will makes things easier for you in the long run.

Definitely get real legal advice. MN is shocking for unqualified contradictory ‘advice’ when it comes to legal matters.

OP - you may not be able to protect all of your inheritance from your H.
So - you need to figure out the best way to do so.
A trust that is meant for your child can allow expenses for his education, hoisting, living expenses, etc....
It all needs to be taken in a portfolio sense - so whatever your other ‘provisions’ are may then change and can use more of that money for yourself, etc...
So - get advice and be smart.
DO not file now - because now you aren’t ready and your H will get half of it all.
If he is back for your money - the moment you mention charity donation he will file and get his share.
So - if you want to play strategically - you’ll need to prepare and then wait a bit - up to three years and then it will be impossible to challenge the money move.
Be smart. Get advice on best strategy.
Don’t just act on emotion.

www.savvywoman.co.uk/2012/01/divorce-and-inheritance-if-youre-getting-divorced-can-you-keep-an-inheritance-out-of-the-pot/

This site you May find useful, it says that inheritance isn’t alwayd excluded from divorce settlements especially if the marriage is a long one (over 5 years) which yours is.
I think you need to see you solicitor pronto about this (as previous posters have said) so that you can best protect yourself op x

Update

I couldn't resist confronting DH.

He strenuously denied seeing meeting or speaking to anyone on the phone. He offered his mobile for me to inspect. All clean. He must have carefully deleted from his phone. All the other messages I'd seen on DS' iPad were also on his phone by the way, confirming it had transferred his messages.

I have just checked the iPad again (20 mins after this confrontation). The incriminating messages - lo and behold - have been deleted.

What to do now?

Message him a screenshot? Ask him about it and why he's just deleted it from iPad?

I have emailed a screenshot to my sister in case my phone somehow "accidentally" gets destroyed.

He then comes downstairs saying jauntily "I think we should get a Porsche" as if he thinks he's gotten away with everything.

Are you ok, OP? It must have been really difficult for you.

When you saw the identical texts on his phone to the iPad, did you point them out and ask him who he was messaging/meeting?
It would be interesting to hear his explanation.

The recent deletion is further proof. Since you’ve let the cat out if the bag I would tell him what you’ve found and that you want him out . Porsche indeed I would be fuming.

Ask him for his phone and search the number in his contacts?

Show him the messages and tell them they have transferred.

iPad often picks up certain messages if it's connected via iCloud but, if you reply to the message via your phone straight away, it doesn't go to the cloud and therefore to the IPad.

I only know this as sometimes I've heard my phone go off not reply and it's gone off in the iPad. But then other times when I've opened the message on my phone straight away. It hasn't shown on the iPad.

Or ask him to pass over his phone and call the number from it or text and wait for the response ! Then watch him sweat ! x

Who did he say the messages were to then? And the flat number, who lives there?

Ha ha, who does he want to buy the Porsche? You?!?!

Tell him to give you his phone again. Phone the number, see how he reacts!

Spend the money on a holiday and gift it to family members then file for divorce.
I was fighting this type of text messages thing, also emails , photographs and even two discusting videos for over four years. I put up with lie after lie in the hope of actually saving my marriage and being loved and wanted but it was a waste.
Don't waste your time on a man like this. Your worth more than that.
I'm now by myself but I have to accept my wife didn't love me . The worse part is the lies will continue until the divorce and the strained relationship with my daughter is awful.
Good luck

Omg

He then comes downstairs saying jauntily "I think we should get a Porsche" as if he thinks he's gotten away with everything.

This would be funny if it wasn't so utterly cuntish!! I hate to say it but is he on glue?! He'll be booking a trip to Maui next I reckon. Or the Sistine Chapel Obvs. No penis beakers for him again thanks very much.

Have you gone onto private browsing to see if he’s left a page open?

He refused to phone the number. He said he didn't want the embarrassment. To which I said clearly the embarrassment matters more than me / the marriage. He texted the number saying he's told me nothing happened and that I had seen texts and that he wouldn't be seeing her again.

He said it was someone he met while we were apart. Then he stormed out saying he was going to Sainsbury's. I followed him to Sainsbury's & called to say where are you. He replied 'Asda' (aka on way to meet OW probably).

I asked him who she was his they met etc but he started getting aggressive saying I was having a go at him and he didn't want to go over it all.

Bollocks if he met her when you were separated. He’s given her a false name!

Yes I thought same !

Omg can’t believe this OP I really feel for high

Urgh. He will lie and lie and lie. I’m so sorry OP. Stay strong. This could’ve happened later once you’d paid the mortgage.

Op don’t follow him around , you know now that he was up to no good . The fact that he put in the text “I’ve told the wife that nothing has gone on” that’s basically telling her to lie about what has actually gone on. I’d pack his stuff and tell him to go to this ominous flat . The only communication he will receive is through your solicitor regarding child care and divorce proceedings .

What a fucking shit bag he is , I’m really sorry OP xx

Also the messages you read were sent when he had come back to attempt to work on his marriage with you OP . He isn’t very bright is he !

Obviously got something to hide OP! Always trust your gut. Get rid of him sounds like he just wants the money

Maybe the flat was booked on airbnb

Glad you've copied screenshots, he sounds like a right piece of work. I hope you can get to the bottom of it all op

Jesus. So you were right. I’m so sorry. I would ask him to leave. What a wanker.