Suspicious texts

[MrsSeanBakedBean]

I have found some suspicious texts on an iPad linked to DH's phone. Just called the number (withholding mine) and it went through to voicemail.

Texts from DH were asking 'when are you working next?'

The reply is addressing DH by a wrong (made up?) name saying 'I'm in flat d'. There are later texts arranging to meet for lunch / coffee.

It sounds like he's been texting a Dec worker. I'm feeling sick & shaky.

What should I do- confront him or wait?

We have been married 13 years and have one DS.

He arrived home early this am. I tried to act normal then left him sleeping and went out. Am now st dad's home. Have not told dad as he's elderly and he doesn't need the worry.

Tbh I'm confused by it all
Why would he being meeting a plumber at a flat you don't know?

He's visiting someone in their flat when you're not around. He's using a fake name. He's deleting texts.

BUT also:

He took your child away from you and only returned when you inherited money. Honestly, OP, this is not a good man you're dealing with.

OP - I think last night everyone was trying to go through a process of elimination with you to avoid jumping to conclusions, but the more context you’ve provided, the worse it seems.

As I said in my earlier post, either way the relationship is over as you’re living separate lives and the trust has gone.

Kurri- some early posters were urging caution & gathering more evidence before confronting him. They were thinking of other feasible reasons he might be meeting someone working at a flat.

(Tbh the plumber line of enquiry didn't make much sense to me either, but then my judgement is addled. So just trying to take on board all opinions / other possible explanations.)

Can anyone think of any reason not to post screenshots of the texts for full context? (With tel no cropped out?)

Post where?

I personally wouldn’t post them here; you don’t want anything held against you in any divorce proceedings (if it got to that).
He could argue it’s humiliation etc.

Just wanted to say I’m really sorry you’re going through this OP he doesn’t sound pleasant.
I think you’ve had some really good advice on here in terms of seeing a solicitor pronto about the inheritance and also getting a private detective , it’s worth it to give you that peace of mind , takes away the effort on your behalf to snoop so you can concentrate on getting your ducks in a row and will also give you some added leverage (if it turns out to be what it’s looking like) . You sound strong OP, hats off to you . Wishing you lots of future happiness ! xx

To be frank, caution is not needed. Unless you wanted to save the marriage, what have you got to lose? He can deny it....but the truth will come out in the end.

If you want to leave him then tell him.

Lefty, yes good point. I'm in no hurry though.

I think I'd quite enjoy telling him I've decided not to pay off the mortgage after all but instead donate to charity / buy another home.

If you buy a new house before you get divorced, he will be entitled to half. I would tell him you are donating to charity to test the reaction....

I would not use the charity line, I would say trust account for DC as a mortage deposit.

To me that just sounds more likely than donating it all to a charity.

Don’t tell him yet. And gift it to a family member. Otherwise whatever you but with it is half his.

OP - if you want to try to ringfence the money in case of divorce - trust in the children’s name is one of the ways to go. But you need to go and get advice promptly and act.
In general - my lawyers said any money movements up to 3 years before divorce can be questioned and even potentially unravelled
But trust in kids name is defensible

But if I put it in trust for DS could I "get it back" afterwards? EG to buy another house post divorce for DS & myself?
(Sounds mercenary..)

He came back when I inherited a large sum of money.

Oh OP I really feel for you. I couldn't understand why you had taken him back until you explained about DS. You have been treated very cruelly by this man.

I agree with PP you need urgent legal advice re the split of assets.

Its fine to screenshot the messages as long as number blanked out

Don't post screenshots on here OP. You never know who else is on here. If the person he is messaging with is on here, they could see it and give him the heads up.

I would put your inheritance into a bank account that is in the name of your child

Ohforfox- if I did that how would I get it back again? I know it might sound mean but there is already ample provision for DS and I want/ will need my inheritance.

Please see a solicitor as others have advised. You need to protect yourself/your inheritance. Start divorce proceedings. You don’t need to have any other excuse than you no longer want to be with him. Given you no longer love/trust him, get out ASAP.

Bank account in the name of the minor won’t fly.
You need a trust.
And you need to design it smarty.
As for that - it’s not MN that you need.
Pay for a lawyer. The only way.

And yes - depending on how trust is set up you can do a lot of things things. But it’s better NOT to discuss it on here.

No you can’t get the money back if you put it into a trust fund but I think you could get it back if it’s in a bank account in your DS name linked to your name.

If you put it in your child’s name you can’t get it back. The court can still revert it though if deemed an attempt to conceal marital assets. Then you can also be charged with contempt to court (what I was told by my solicitor at the time). Same for charity. I was suggesting telling him you were going to donate to see his reaction but not actually do it