Dating Thread 158 - Don't wait until the iron is hot to strike

[Greenland55]

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread?watched=1

Kerkya he sounds like Mr No Hair 🤣🤣, he’s tiny with a high pitched voice. Looked a lot smaller than in his photo, I think the voice would annoy me after a while.

Yes love,tiny hands too. Bless!

@Jesuisprest im mostly initiating contact yes. I’ve not heard from him today so I’m sulking and telling myself not to message him. I think the longest we’ve gone is two days before he’s messaged me. I told him a while back that I’m a massive over thinker and that he seemed to go quiet after we’d meet up, he had absolutely no idea and did get better but has slowly gone back to how he was.

This is a guy that once pulled a girl and when they got a taxi back she invited him in for coffee and he replied no thanks I don’t like coffee 🤣.

We’ve been on 2 dates, mostly chill and Netflix, I’ve made jokes about him being ashamed of me and he did ask last time if I wanted to go out but I’d turned up in tracksuit bottoms as I’m so used to us not doing anything.

@ccgirr yes things are great when we are together, we can talk for hours before things get physical, he’s really affectionate.

I hate all of this feeling of insecurity and where I stand 😢

This is why it is always worth asking the height question!

@JeSuisPrest I've been following your ups and downs for a few threads now and my heart was really in my mouth that you were going to finish it. So glad you've managed to go to a therapist and get some techniques. Mr Cornish sounds like an absolute gem.

So whoever said to lower your age a touch was absolutely spot on...have loads of matches on Bumble and am chatting to few. Has anyone found that one particular site works for them? Match, POF really didn't work but Bumble has been ace for me

Thanks for your comments on separated/co-habiting. Nice to get some reassurance. To be honest I don’t think long term he’s right, but god it’s nice to feel that phwoar factor again sometimes!
Think that’s why the other irons are lacking at the moment. Not sure I’m ready for MrForever yet anyway so will see how tomorrow goes and if there is anything beneath the lust

Kerkyra no man wants to hear "bless" being used to describe him 😂
Lily "no thanks I don't like coffee" 😂 I'm sure I've see that line in a film or on the tv
Maybe he's just not a big texter? I've had to get used to doing a lot of messaging which I didn't do before. My friends used to laugh at my very blunt and short replies, where if one word would do that's what I'd use. I much prefer speaking on the phone or in person.

@Lillyrose19 Have you talked to each other about what "status" your relationship is? Casual dating, exclusive, FWB? If someone didn't contact me for 2 days and we are in an exclusive relationship I'd be mighty pissed off

Thanks @kermitrulesok he is great and apparently I'm going to get lots of attention tomorrow 😳😁 I've told him about the therapy. He doesn't think it's warranted and a bit of an over reaction, but I've told him I'm doing it for me, not him and he's supportive of that. I just want to give us the best chance possible. He does have an incredibly soft centre, but is a bit of a tough cookie on the outside, so his idea of therapy is a pint down the pub and a curry with mates, though he has cried twice whilst we've been together over something not related to me (thank goodness), so he isn't afraid of showing his feelings (to me at least).

kermitrulesok Bumble has been the worst for me. Never had a single date from it.
But all the apps vary in popularity depending on where you are in the country.

Re the question of height. How does everyone know their height? Do you guess? Measure yourself?
I know my height because I was scientifically measured last year. But I'm sure some men just guess. And guess badly, sometimes!

JeSuis - he sounds lovely. I'm so happy for you. Good luck with the therapy. I've had loads over the yrs, some good and some absolutely rubbish. Hope you get a good one.

@kermitrulesok I've tried all of the apps now. I always found POF the worst and I hated wading through the many rubbish messages. However, for some reason this time I've been chatting with quite a few decent guys and actually have 2 dates lined up. Go figure!

It's weird how different ones work at different times...I'm just in the process of lining up a date with a cricketer who's in the uk for a short time...he will be Mr Cricket, tall dark and quite good looking 😁

kermitrulesok is he looking to bowl a maiden over?

@vwman very good...he's got a good shot

@MyOldBrainStoppedWorking I had an idea what I was but I did mark the walk and then measure myself to check.

I agree, most men over estimate their height. I need someone 5'11 absolute minimum, I think I met several that said they were 6ft but there was no way they were over 5'10.
MrFox thankfully is 6'4 on paper, but I actually think he is more like 6'5 😁

On the subject of MrFox... I attempted to sext him tonight. He didn't take the bait, ugh.

Myold I knew my height to within half an inch, as I am half an inch taller than my brother, so very important

+1 for @MrDrummer back on the thread, or I will have to turn into my alter ego SuperHairyArsedMan and start providing helpful insights and comments.

While I'm in character, with age and height 'adjustments' I wonder if it will have the unintended consequence that you're filtering in the superficial sorts ...

Its a weird one is height! I've always felt more comfortable with someone the same height and I'm just 55. Someone taller get a kind of advantage over me, which sounds weird even as I write this.

MrWow is just 2 inches taller but perfect..

@MyOldBrainStoppedWorking I've read your posts for a while, when you had a different name, and identify. I was on Bumble (only) for four months and had no dates. It's been four and a half months since I had a date. A year since I started OLD. I'm 53. I signed up to Tinder last week and have had a good number of matches, but only one date suggested. To be honest, I'm not feeling it. He's easily found on Google, LinkedIn and Facebook but he hasn't really told me anything about himself. I've been busy this week, he knows tomorrow is my only free night. I've just messaged saying I don't know his number, surname (I do!!) or car model, or whereabouts in or around the pub we're supposed to be meeting. Not really feeling it if I'm honest. Yet it feels brutal to unmatch him. However, he's not really trying himself, if that makes sense. None of the other matches are looking like they're going anywhere either...

Open and honest whins the day.

It does... Gut instinct and all that. I knew it wouldn't go smoothly. I feel he's just gone straight for the date but I don't have a feel for who he is. It's at a strange time too. 6:30. Neither afternoon or evening!

Hey all,

First off @jesuis - great news and so pleased you are getting some counselling/therapy for your issues, it will do nothing but good for you in the long run.

Here's my update, bit tipsy as just got back from another date - Anyway I met a girl from Bumble a few weeks ago, almost immediate there seemed to be a connection and I almost thought our communication on whatsapp was too good to be true, we seemed to be on the same page about everything. I didn't get my hopes up initially because as you all know I have had loads of chatting beforehand and then the meet just ends up with a no spark message or being used for sex so I guess that was always in the back of my mind.

However when we went on our first date a few weeks ago it felt different and there was definitely a spark from both sides, we were kissing within half an hour of meeting and seemed to just get on really well. Even after the initial date we spent an hour afterwards messaging about how good it was and how we couldn't believe how well it went.

She's 32, been single for a while so no baggage or emotional unavailability that I can see, cabin crew for an airline so is obviously out the country a lot but has been messaging me upon landing and when abroad so it's been nice. We have had a few dates around her flights and each one has just got better and better - dinner, drinks, cinema, etc. She lives down the road in Sydenham so literally 5 mins on the bus away. We have the same values and all that kind of stuff so it appears so it just feels so right.

I wanted to hold off on posting about it because, I guess I felt tonight we were going to have a talk about it all even though it wasn't planned, I just had a feeling it was going to come. We did have this talk... I was probably my awkward self being so self conscious about coming on too strong and appearing to lovebomb having had it done to me but we spoke about any insecurities, our pasts, being single, being on dating apps, etc etc. Anyway the long and short of it all is that we have deleted our profiles, are going to be exclusive, work towards being boyfriend and girlfriend (as cringe as that sounds) and see what happens. We haven't slept together yet although it's taken a monumental and conscious effort on both our parts for that not to happen but we think that is a good thing, I expect it will happen next week to be honest so something to look forward to

Her biggest insecurity is that she said that she feels I am too good to be true (very weird hearing that) in that I seem to not be someone who is looking just to get into her knickers. I have done my best to reassure her that I am definitely not that kind of guy but I think it's something that will come in time as I am sure a lot of guys do the smooth talking thing in order to do that - at least that is what I gather from her previous experiences. When we said our goodbyes tonight as she got out of the Uber she said to me 'I am not a mushy person but you make me want to be'. It was lovely.

Anyway our next date isn't too far away... we're meeting at 11am tomorrow morning for coffee and we're just going to spend the day together with no definitive plans. I've booked the day off work and she's not flying until Thursday so weather permitting we'll have a wander round Crystal Palace Park, have lunch somewhere and just see where the day takes us.

I am very much on the smitten bench :)

@richdeniro sounds like a definite keeper!!

Lovely update rich. Have a wonderful day today. This sounds very good indeed 👍