Dating Thread 158 - Don't wait until the iron is hot to strike

[Greenland55]

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread?watched=1

@ccgirr @Marlboroandmalbec34 tomorrow. He texts all the time and he's sexy and funny. But I need to be able to hold a normal conversation it's like talking to a young 18yr lad.

ceebee I had a date years ago with someone on pof who told me they were married on the date! Roll on lots of years and we got chatting last night on pof,he said he had moved out and had his children three times a week etc. I remembered his name and found him on fb,with recent pics with wife looking very happy. Also saw the wifes posts as open to public. I'm afraid I went fucking crazy! It was like a whole week of shit had caught up with me. Said I can see an old friend of mine is friends with his wife. They are both wearing rings. How disgusting he is to have pics on pof saying he is divorced.

I don't think I can message her though fb though,as much as i'd like to. If I could do it anonymously I would though

I personally think it's bad enough cheating with anyone.

But putting out a dating profile with the fact that any of their family or friends could see is disgusting. It also shows no remorse or care for wife/husband. Plus they blatantly aren't looking for 'the one' it's all just to get attention and sex!!!!

That's the lowest form of cheating (if it can be any lower) in my book.

ceebee is his fb profile active? Could it be he doesn’t use it and hasn’t updated it? How long has he supposedly been separated for? If he is still married married, then what a dick! I was contacted on fb by the other woman. It was painful but I was grateful.

ccgirr I don’t think 25 miles is too far although I’d be making him travel to me. Good luck with your date. And itsamracle too!

30something yay for you and Mr Fox. Def room on the smitten bench.

lifegoes it sounds like you are getting better at sniffing them out. Sex talk with someone I’ve not met would leave me cold.

So no drawer. But a key was mentioned this weekend... he lives miles away so it’s not like I’d pop in unannounced. But a key feels like ‘a thing’...

notcool a key is definitely a thing!

The bloke deleted his pof account after saying ' I used to think you were lovely but you're becoming a bit scary'.
uuur yes,don't piss me (or your wife around) :/

Right,rant over! It's a new day and I don't really have any irons!

cc good luck with the date and if he is keen he will travel to you
life he maybe completely different in the flesh and all talk via txt?
30 this is lovely news and keeps my hopes up that there is someone out there for all us kittens :)

@Ceebeegee

I would tell her. My ex was cheating on my for six months (I had no idea), it only twigged when he didn’t go absolutely mental about moving out (he would struggle to rent a room around here). I waited for two weeks and decided to do a little digging via a mates facebook and found the new partner he was living with.

It turned out he didn’t know about me either so new partner chucked him out, very satisfying.

30 very happy for you 😁
And I'm glad everybody told you to invite him round, because in his shoes I wouldn't just invite myself to somebody's home when they've got children.

Simon that is a very satisfying conclusiion 😂
notcool very pleased for you as well 😁

Back to my drunk Fri night post, which I've really got to stop doing but it seems like such a good idea at the time 😂
To be clear, I really fancy MissOz (although it wasn't the wow moment on first seeing her I had with my ex), we get on great, the sex is bloody amazing (I've been missing out for 20 odd years!).
I know I'm just over analysing and looking for why it's not going to work, and I need to stop doing that as well.
And what I did realise yesterday is that she's very easy going compared to my ex, nothing seems to phase her, things that my ex used to get the hump about she doesn't. It's very refreshing but takes some getting used to.

@midcenturylegs there is an Special Needs board on mumsnet but I think it's a bit hidden (i.e. doesn't come up in active conversations) where you could look for support on OCD. You could do a post there and if it doesn't get enough people you could maybe try a post in chat and try to move the conversation over.

shitwithsugaron MrYoungEnoughToBeMySon has offered to come round with a bottle of wine. It put me right off.

Just checking in. Still on the bench here

ant I like the sound of Miss Oz. She seems cool, interesting and fun. Have you booked your weekend away? Over thinking things in the bane of my bleeding life.

Thanks shitwith marls and ant. I don’t have said key but it was offered. We are also planning to see each other tonight and tomorrow night, all being well and making plans for a big night out and another walking day. He’s been a bloody star with the things he’s done for me this week so I’m trying not to overthink other things...!

Not long enough clearly! My stbx moved out in Oct so only 7 months. Think you're spot on about it being ingrained, we were together 23 years so not surprising really.

I think if someone started being nice to me, I'd wonder "what's the catch?" but that is exactly what I want! I agree, years of ingrained behaviour is so hard to reverse. Yes, I have a fantastic counsellor, and c**p family... I'm certainly changing the trend and my kids know they're loved.

As for distance, I'm used to hopping in the car for pretty much everything here. I draw the line at an hour's distance but sometimes it's the route that's a nightmare so I won't head too far west for example. I'm near the coast and that wipes out much of my search radius before I start! 😂

Yes ingrained to the point where I've even found myself apologising for something and she's looked at me like I'm daft because actually I haven't done anything wrong, but I had when it was my ex 😂
It's different when you're not living together isn't it, I imagine you can easily ignore slightly annoying traits and behaviours when you're dating twice a week. Bit different putting up with them for decades 😂

Thank you and your advice is much more tactful than my best mate shitwith he told me to "stop being a twat, enjoy it and stop holding yourself back". Not subtle but good advice 😂

Great news 30.

Meeting Mr Natural for a drink at 1930. He's not much of a drinker at all unlike me. May have to have a drink to calm the nerves before I go.