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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

He's been having an affair....

156 replies

SadSausage44 · 29/04/2019 03:46

Hi
Can't sleep and don't know where else to turn...
After 14 years together and nearly 10 married My husband called me this morning and confessed to having an affair.
I came away to a friend's on Friday to give him some space and whilst I was out dancing he fucked her. He met her in early December. Now I know why he was so vile to me over Christmas and New year.
Turns out he met her at the end of the road in our local pub. The only reason I hadn't gone out that night is because I was feeling so ill because of the hormones I was taking for donor egg ivf.
He has destroyed me. He convinced everyone, his mother and me and best friend's that there was no one else and now he's had a breakdown and told his best friend who had a massive go at him and said I deserve more respect and that he had to tell me. So he did.
And now I feel sick. I cant eat sleep breath. He promised me there was no one else, I stuck up for him and his pathetic mid life crisis. He wanted space I gave it to him.
My whole world is shattered. I hate him. I love him. I hate her, apparently she understand him because she's been through a similar split 😂 she has two small children of her own and is young enough to give him the child he wants so much. I'm 45 this year so my time for babies is up.
What the fuck do I do.
Anyone been in this dark dark hole and managed to climb out?

OP posts:
RiversDisguise · 29/04/2019 03:49

I am so so so so sorry. Raging for you. What a piece of shit.

darkparadise1 · 29/04/2019 03:55

What a poor excuse for a man he is. So sorry OP

SadSausage44 · 29/04/2019 03:59

Thanks guys.
I've never felt pain like this in my life.
I hope the thrill of this affair dims somewhat when her 9 year old and 6 year old kids are jumping on his fucking head at 5am in the morning.

OP posts:
binkyblinky · 29/04/2019 04:01

Thinking of you you will get through this x

SadSausage44 · 29/04/2019 04:02

I will be filing for divorce and taking him to the cleaners tomorrow.
He has put me through hell for years.
I have loved him unconditionally for years.
I gave up my career to move around the world to help him get to the top of his career and this is the thanks I get.

OP posts:
binkyblinky · 29/04/2019 04:02

Thinking of you you will get through this x

binkyblinky · 29/04/2019 04:03

Thinking of you you will get through this x

binkyblinky · 29/04/2019 04:04

Thinking of you you will get through this x

binkyblinky · 29/04/2019 04:04

Thinking of you you will get through this x

binkyblinky · 29/04/2019 04:05

Thinking of you you will get through this x

binkyblinky · 29/04/2019 04:05

Thinking of you you will get through this x

binkyblinky · 29/04/2019 04:06

Thinking of you you will get through this x

binkyblinky · 29/04/2019 04:06

Thinking of you you will get through this x

binkyblinky · 29/04/2019 04:07

Thinking of you you will get through this x

SadSausage44 · 29/04/2019 04:07

I need this pain to stop.
My daughter, his step daughter, who is 24 and has had him in her life since she was 11 cried herself to sleep in my arms tonight.
I cannot bear this. I want to get off. I want my fucking life back.
Everything is crumbling underneath me.

OP posts:
darkparadise1 · 29/04/2019 04:10

The thrill definitely will wear off when her kids are waking up early jumping on his head. I hope he hates it. And I hope his dick falls off.

Sadiesnakes · 29/04/2019 04:13

I feel so sad for you op. Such a horrible situation to be in,,. Look after yourself as best you can.Thanks

SadSausage44 · 29/04/2019 04:14

I feel sick that he's been turning to her for support and love when ive been at home begging him to talk to me and trying so much to help him through depression and feelings of worthlessness. He checked out. He switched off.
I had no chance when he involved someone else.

OP posts:
SadSausage44 · 29/04/2019 04:18

I'm hoping they are doomed.
He feels sick at the pain he's caused.
She'll never trust him if he can this to his wife surely?
I love him so much I feel like I'm watching a car crash in slow motion....

OP posts:
RiversDisguise · 29/04/2019 04:18

Hold onto that anger. Get the best fucking lawyer you can... get the best divorce one in town

Ferfeckssake · 29/04/2019 04:21

So sorry you are going through this. I do understand your pain. I even had a shit Xmas and New Year too. Discovered in January.
I am glad you are angry and feeling determined to file for divorce. Anger
feels better than terrible sadness.
So the OW is gaining a lying , cheating piece of shit. And as you say , the reality of other people's DC is yet to come for him.
It is easy for other people to say that you are well rid of him, but I know the love/hate thing is torture.
It is such a cliche , but you WILL come through this. You seem to be a strong, resourceful woman. And I gather you will have a lot of people who will now support you as they , too, were lied too.Disgusting behaviour on his part.
Hope you will take ca're of yourself , I am just sorry that you have to go through this Flowers

FuriousVexation · 29/04/2019 04:24

Wait, he met her in December and he's only just fucked her? If so, are you sure this is unrecoverable?

SadSausage44 · 29/04/2019 04:26

Thank you.
I can't believe I lost him
I just cannot believe what is happening.
I cannot believe the excruciating pain I am in.
Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.
How will I ever trust again.

OP posts:
Alicewond · 29/04/2019 04:28

Oh op, I’m so sorry for you, what doe this woman know of you though if anything? All anger should be directed at him now

SadSausage44 · 29/04/2019 04:30

I don't know if it's recoverable.
He had a fling about 4 years ago with an ex from uni. Swears he didn't sleep with her even though they spent 2 nights together (that I know of) I contacted her and she swears blind they didn't shag.
So I have been insecure because of that and now this.... Our lovely local pub ... I couldn't even trust him to go for a pint.
I was so ill that night and just wanted to stay in to watch a movie.... god I wish I'd gone out

OP posts: