He's been having an affair....

[SadSausage44]

Hi
Can't sleep and don't know where else to turn...
After 14 years together and nearly 10 married My husband called me this morning and confessed to having an affair.
I came away to a friend's on Friday to give him some space and whilst I was out dancing he fucked her. He met her in early December. Now I know why he was so vile to me over Christmas and New year.
Turns out he met her at the end of the road in our local pub. The only reason I hadn't gone out that night is because I was feeling so ill because of the hormones I was taking for donor egg ivf.
He has destroyed me. He convinced everyone, his mother and me and best friend's that there was no one else and now he's had a breakdown and told his best friend who had a massive go at him and said I deserve more respect and that he had to tell me. So he did.
And now I feel sick. I cant eat sleep breath. He promised me there was no one else, I stuck up for him and his pathetic mid life crisis. He wanted space I gave it to him.
My whole world is shattered. I hate him. I love him. I hate her, apparently she understand him because she's been through a similar split 😂 she has two small children of her own and is young enough to give him the child he wants so much. I'm 45 this year so my time for babies is up.
What the fuck do I do.
Anyone been in this dark dark hole and managed to climb out?

I have been in this dark whole before OP. Everyone handles it differently. It's your relationship and your husband's. Whether you have it in your heart to forgive him you need to ask yourself but he needs to grovel to you and beg your forgiveness perhaps even go to counselling etc. He needs to block all contact with this woman 100% and be willing to work on this, if he's not than you know.

I am not married but I have been in this situation before with a boyfriend I was with for 9 years. He lost all contact with the woman 100% but I didn't have it in my heart to put it behind me and it hung over our relationship for years, there was no future for us. But everyone is different !!

I am only just responding to your original message so I don't know if there has been any progress or what's happened, i will read on xx

Btw he told me yesterday he's so gutted she has children as he has no interest in raising other people's kids.

Tell him to double and triple fuck off, he is not to talk to you about dumbass stuff like this! Like you give a stuff what his feelings are. He’s thick saying stuff like that. Is he expecting you to care?! Fucking idiot.

OP I don’t really have any advice but I just wanted to say that I am SO sorry you have to go through this.

I found out recently my partner was cheating on me and it really has ripped my heart right out of my chest. I’m sorry that you have to go through this

Hope you are ok op

Op I haven't read the whole thread but just wanted to say I've been through this too. It is so painful and is such a dark time. I had to take life one hour at a time some days, sometimes a minute at a time. I wanted to chuck myself off a cliff the first week. I held on and went to counselling. The pain will start to come in waves. One day you will kind of be ok and the next day a big wave will hit. It's all normal. It's a grief process. You have to deal with the emotions now and not hide them or drink or anything. Go to counselling or look into it with gp (if you want to or just to get info). Rest and try to eat and keep hydrated. I lost a lot of weight as I was in such shock. Sometimes you will run on adrenaline and not eat all day but make sure you rest and drink plenty, eat bananas or biscuits.

You will make it. They may seem happy and think they are fucking soulmates but it's just someone new. It's not love of the year, it's not a fucking mills and boon it's just new. Think of it like looking in a mirror and seeing yourself with no faults because the person doesn't know you that well. They put you on a pedestal. The only way is down.

You won't feel better overnight, it will come in stages. Be really easy on yourself and do nice things for yourself. Take life a day at a time when you feel awful. Know that feelings always pass and no matter how much pain you are in it will never last forever (even though it feels like it) it won't. I promise you will be okay. You will be different but stronger.

Also op don't message him anything anymore, nothing about feelings etc. Go cold and businesslike. He has fucked things up. If he is having doubts now that reality has hit then tough shit. Don't take him back as he will think he can do it again and it will eat away at you. It is really hard but you will look back in a year or even a few months and wonder why you ever cried over such a selfish person.