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Original poster

He's been having an affair....

156 replies

SadSausage44 · 29/04/2019 03:46

Hi
Can't sleep and don't know where else to turn...
After 14 years together and nearly 10 married My husband called me this morning and confessed to having an affair.
I came away to a friend's on Friday to give him some space and whilst I was out dancing he fucked her. He met her in early December. Now I know why he was so vile to me over Christmas and New year.
Turns out he met her at the end of the road in our local pub. The only reason I hadn't gone out that night is because I was feeling so ill because of the hormones I was taking for donor egg ivf.
He has destroyed me. He convinced everyone, his mother and me and best friend's that there was no one else and now he's had a breakdown and told his best friend who had a massive go at him and said I deserve more respect and that he had to tell me. So he did.
And now I feel sick. I cant eat sleep breath. He promised me there was no one else, I stuck up for him and his pathetic mid life crisis. He wanted space I gave it to him.
My whole world is shattered. I hate him. I love him. I hate her, apparently she understand him because she's been through a similar split 😂 she has two small children of her own and is young enough to give him the child he wants so much. I'm 45 this year so my time for babies is up.
What the fuck do I do.
Anyone been in this dark dark hole and managed to climb out?

OP posts:
Alicewond · 29/04/2019 04:31

It’s not and you already know this @SadSausage44

Original poster
SadSausage44 · 29/04/2019 04:32

He says she's been supporting him and she knows about me, they tried SO hard to call it off .... I guess he's told her about our fertility struggle and he's obvs been telling her how unhappy he is.
I think I'm going to be sick

OP posts:
Getoffamycloud · 29/04/2019 04:32

Did you tell him to get out or did he just not come home ?

Original poster
SadSausage44 · 29/04/2019 04:34

Im away at a friend's giving him space

OP posts:
Original poster
SadSausage44 · 29/04/2019 04:35

Hes been saying fir minths hes nit hapoy and may want to separate. Ive been fighting for our marriage and now i know i had no chance because of her.

OP posts:
Original poster
SadSausage44 · 29/04/2019 04:36

(Sp) 🙄 sorry

OP posts:
RiversDisguise · 29/04/2019 04:37

More space?

Get back in your house

barryfromclareisfit · 29/04/2019 04:38

Oh, yes, been somewhere like you’re standing now and come through.
You’ll have lots of ‘fight or flight’ adrenaline. Use it to your advantage. Work for your own benefit. No going back. Get lawyered up right away, sort out your life for you and sod him.

He’s a rat and you know it. Didn’t shag his previous fling? Hmm. Don’t care. He takes up with women, whenever he can. Don’t just let him go, ditch his ass with an enthusiasm he never expected.

Original poster
SadSausage44 · 29/04/2019 04:43

Thank God for you guys right now.
I feel like I'm shattered into a million pieces.

OP posts:
Alicewond · 29/04/2019 04:45

@SadSausage44 what do you need now?

Original poster
SadSausage44 · 29/04/2019 04:46

He says he's moving out. To his mum's (I suspect his mistresses house too)
I cannot bear the thought of staying in our house ever again. Too many memories.
He's destroyed everything. Our wonderful life, our future. Our lovely house. Gone.
I have to start my life over through no choice of my own.

OP posts:
Original poster
SadSausage44 · 29/04/2019 04:47

I need to rewind time.
I need this pain to stop.
I need him not to have told me what he told me on the phone this morning.

OP posts:
Alicewond · 29/04/2019 04:51

Tell me who you are without him, just you. As in hi I’m Alice, nice to meet you :)

FuriousVexation · 29/04/2019 04:54

so youre giving him space to shag his ow?

Seahorseshoe · 29/04/2019 04:54

You deserve better than this piece of shit. Though the rug has been pulled from under you and you are hurting and angry - you will get through this.

I'd suggest you get back home and make him leave YOUR home, he did this, he needs to leave.

All the best to you and a supportive, virtual hug. 💐💐💐

Ferfeckssake · 29/04/2019 04:59

I get it. I found MN invaluable for venting and getting support during the sleepless nights.
So pissed off at these men who think it is OK to be "friends" with women that they "talk" to. Married men have no business have secret friends.
As you rightly said , it is YOU they need to talk to , or get professional help. While letting you worry about him, he is just feeling guilty about his affair.
I understand too, about your lovely pub.It is a tainted place for you at the moment.
As you say, Fuck,fuck,fuck!

It feels like everything you trusted to be true is shattered . So many deceitful men! But so many woman do come out the other side. I am not one of them yet.
But the awful feelings have subsided. I had never know despair like it and couldn't imagine ever being OK again.Sad
But you WILL get through this. Even tommorow morning will be better than tonight. Flowers

comingintomyown · 29/04/2019 05:00

I’ve been in a similar scenario and never understood what a broken heart was until that . One thing that kicked in quite quickly was relief at no longer having to try and make someone love me and always trying to be good enough
The other was realising the man I was in love with had actually long since disappeared and who I loved and was fighting to keep was the man I’d got together with 17 years previously not the one I was now with
There are no shortcuts through this but from what you have said you will be much happier in your life in time just go one day at a time

ShinyShoe · 29/04/2019 05:02

Go back and assert dominance over the house now. Make him leave today. He needs to feel some pain for his decisions. So sorry you are going through this. We are all here to support you.

Original poster
SadSausage44 · 29/04/2019 05:03

FuriousVexation.
Have you read my posts?
I found out this morning about his affair.
He has been a fucking mid life crisis cliche since Dec (when he met her) but promised me, his friends, his family that there was no one else.
I came away to a friend's on Friday as he's been banging on about needing space.
Do you seriously think I would have come away in the knowledge that he had someone else and was going to fuck her?

OP posts:
Alicewond · 29/04/2019 05:04

@SadSausage44 this thread is all here to support you, you have people, you may not know them personally yet, but they are all here for you x

comingintomyown · 29/04/2019 05:04

Yes mine talked to her and she got him out of a dark place blah blah
Fast forward 9 years and she’s long since been shown for what she is and he’s been back in his dark place for some time, not that it gives me any pleasure actually

Original poster
SadSausage44 · 29/04/2019 05:08

Well he's her problem now.
He's nearly destroyed me.
Yes he's tall and gorgeous and successful and funny and lovely but he's also one o the most cruel selfish people I've ever met.
A jekyl and Hyde.

OP posts:
Alicewond · 29/04/2019 05:12

He is her problem now, doesn’t mean he doesn’t feel like your problem too. When someone hurts you and you get away, you don’t suddenly feel better. I know this

Original poster
SadSausage44 · 29/04/2019 05:21

How the fuck do you just switch off your love for someone?
I don't know how to do this.
I have no more tears to cry.

OP posts:
S021 · 29/04/2019 05:33

Oh SadSausage44 💐

The pain will ease and you will get through this. You’re in shock and feel vulnerable. The rug has been pulled from under you but you will soon feel strong, and possibly angry, enough to find your footing again and start climbing back up.
You can’t make it go away, like a bereavement you have to find your way through it. and you will my lovely, you will x