Dating Thread 157 - Kitten or Smitten: Which bench are *you* on?

[MrDrummer]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread?watched=1

Link to previous thread:
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3566658-Dating-Thread-156-It-is-hot-hot-hot

Thanks peeps for your views. I've had a think and you're all right,i doubt he can/will give me what I want and need. I was just trying to stay positive and the fact he's only down the road was a bonus.

Hope everyone has some great dates at the weekend and if not,they enjoy their time on their own,with kids or friends. I will be quite happy sorting the attic!

Love the Tinder Bingo! I would be absolutely sozzled after half an hour!

@TooOldForThis67 - Ouch - that would set off the crazy in me, although I obviously wouldn't show it - I'd brood on it, morph it into something massive before eventually having a full blown meltdown over my best friend at this woman he's obviously having an affair with and now he's got mentionitis. My bf would then tell me to stop being such a stupid twat, this man has told you that he loves you despite not knowing that it would be reciprocated by you and if anything was going on he wouldn't have mentioned her at all. So yeah, I've not got any decent advice, but I can imagine how you feel.

wishywashy "smash n dash" 😂😂😂
jesuis I think I had "don't do one night stands" on my profile, but if an attractive woman had the confidence to say "challenge accepted" to me, I don't mind admitting they'd be well on their way to challenge completed 😂

jesuis - Poor bloke, lol, he looked quite chuffed with himself until he saw my face fall . Apparently she's got date 5 lined up with her iron - bloody cheek of her wonders if she's on this thread lol.

@Ant330 it's a term I've used frequently over the course of OLD 😂😂

TooOld I feel quite sorry for him, I bet he was feeling quite proud of himself before it backfired 😂

@JeSuisPrest that made me laugh! I would have the exact same reaction! 😂

Two Bumble conversations underway by some minor miracle. One is gorgeous and knows it. Sent me a torso pic... 🤣🤣🤣 The other seems normal. So far. I'm scared of Mr Gorgeous. I think I'm being played, what would he see in me?!! I can reply but keep a healthy distance. Enjoy some flirting? He's 9 years younger. 😂

I completely agree with JeSuis's post at 10.31. I'm feeling a bit uncomfortable about the pejorative way the thread is talking about kinks and fetishes. I think I said before that I don't like the use of the word 'normal' (or the term 'not normal') in regards to sex acts between consenting adults. Just because it doesn't float your boat doesn't mean it's weird or perverted or 'not normal'. Anyway, I know I'm probably much more towards the 'very open' end of the sexual contiuum, so mini rant over

@NestOfSwipers people will date within their range of perceived attractiveness, so someone who thinks they are ugly will never date someone who they consider to be beautiful. Does Mr Gorgeous really know that he is gorgeous? Sending you a torso pic suggests to me that he requires some validation and doesnt have real confidence and needs a woman to tell him that he is gorgeous. Exactly the same way that people look at themselves in the mirror or take selfies whilst at the gym. Mr Gorgeous has probably sent the same pic to numerous women so don't get overinvested.

@vwman oh, I'm not overinvested at all! I'm holding back if anything, but I think he's verging on sexting. I'm pretty sure his last two mentions of being big don't refer to his height... Next!

@NestOfSwipers don't ask 'what would he see in me?' Ask what you see in him and if he's worth your time
Does he have a face to go with his torso?

@nestofswipers I don't know how long you've been doing OLD but I hope it's not a fake profile. I would ask for a face photo and search on Google images for it.

I shall crawl off now and hide my insecurities under a rock

This is the attitude I’ve been trying to take with my insecurities. I’m working on the (baby logic) premise that, if I don’t acknowledge can’t see them, they don’t exist.

I don’t think it’s just cougars who feel insecure about how they look. MrSG is pretty much the same age as me (and very good looking) and I find myself wondering WTF he sees in me.

It’s not that he’s doing anything to make me feel insecure (quite the opposite); it’s all me totally overthinking things. Plus, I’m really quite aware of my (many faults) and I tend to assume that I am the (cause of) problems if they arise. And a decade with an abusive wanker who encouraged and exploited the above has had lasting effects on me (I fight against them though).

So I do my best to keep all of this hidden because, frankly, it’s stupid and unappealing. And I should just get over myself. 😆

@NestOfSwipers maybe the next pic you will be sent will be of something else. If you think you are running that risk, and you don't want it, then unmatch now

Aww Crustaceans you sound lovely

@Crustaceans don't be too hard on yourself and don't invalidate what you are feeling, it is there.. I understand you wanting to keep things "hidden" for a while in a new relationship, but a decent person would understand . There's nothing stupid and unappealing about having some sort of trauma cause emotional bruises, we are all just humans

Thanks for all your comments. I've been on OLD for a year. I've reported obviously fake profiles on POF in the past. Mr Gorgeous does have several photos on his profile but not all the same B&W moodily lit muscle shots. I like to think my twat-radar is finely honed these days. And I think he's just trying to get me (anyone) into bed. I'm not comfortable with the tone of his messages. He's not being out and out sexual but you wouldn't go up to someone in a bar and say what he's said, put it that way...

I don’t think it’s just cougars who feel insecure about how they look. MrSG is pretty much the same age as me (and very good looking) and I find myself wondering WTF he sees in me.

I felt more insecure in my twenties despite my body not bearing the wobbly evidence of children. I'm 37 now and don't feel insecure being a cougar 😁
I think it's largely down to the fact I stopped giving a shit about what anyone thinks and just do what suits me now. If it isn't making me smile then it's gone 😬

Thanks guys. Just got back from my Lakes holiday but feel utter shit. I don't know why this hurts so much! Hardly knew the guy! Probably the timing and the sheer WTF of it all.

I have such a catastrophic attitude towards things. I'm so desperate to find someone and just enjoy my life with them. I'm not good on my own. I feel like I have a lot to give but no one gives me a proper chance, or they want me to be someone else.

Going to do some motorbike maintainance to distract myself.

Popping in to say hi. Not been on the thread for quite a while, but still dating on and off. In fact, have a third date with a guy - Mr Rennies - at the weekend. This is quite a big deal for me as I've only had one 2nd date before (disaster) and all the rest have been 1st dates.

Hello in particular to falaff - I am sorry this has happened to you. When I reviewed your profile I genuinely thought you seemed like an amazing person. I know it's easy to say but, hang in there and try to keep positive because the right man is out there for you. Sending

@falaff it's awful when this happens, it's even harder to try and figure out the why. But honestly you will never know the why and that's the hardest thing to accept.

You seem such a lovely person, but one thing I have learnt is even in a relationship you should still try and have your own life. Sometimes when you are so desperate to find someone it can show, the best advise I could give you is to try and learn to love being on your own love your own company.

Then when someone does (and they will) come along you don't depend on them to make you happy. 😘

falaff I feel for you, I really do. Going round in circles looking for answers that by definition you can’t find is so painful. It’s a process you need to go through, but I hope you can keep it short and move on 💐

I feel bad that my personal phobia of blood maybe prompted some of the upset over the last 24 hours, sorry. I find this thread an absolute life-saver and the input from all the guys really valuable, even if I don’t always agree with it. Above all, it’s a safe space.

I’m feeling a bit braggy 😊 . Have managed to have an open and kind text conversation with MrMad, so instead of it ‘withering on the vine’ we are both clear about being in the friend zone and what that means (no sex). This clarity, even if it doesn’t pan out in the end, makes me very happy.

@falaff "Going to do some motorbike maintainance to distract myself."

Boom - I'm scared of motorbikes - you are sooooo cool!